Never Let Me Go
by LetsChaseCars
Summary: Starts with the game-changing 3x19 kiss but how will the story evolve now that Elena has turned into a vampire and the only person who can help her cope is Damon? D and E POV, but includes all characters. Definitely DELENA!
1. Chapter 1

All is silent as I step out of the bathroom. Well, as silent as it can be for someone like_ me._ My superhuman hearing registers the sound the light breeze makes as it touches the window, one human male laughing loudly in front of his room's TV, one floor below us; Jeremy's calm, sleepy breaths. Both Gilberts are sleeping, as I walk between the beds and get hold of my 18th century friend – the Bourbon. I move towards the window without glancing at Elena's peaceful face – the stalker move that always gets me into trouble. Instead, I concentrate on the rhythmic, soothing music her heartbeat is for me. Music, yes – when you are forced to walk the Earth for 160 years, contemporary music just doesn't do the trick anymore.

I put on one of my shirts and peek between the half closed curtains, in case Kol has followed us here and has decided to take my staking him under the heart more personally than it was intended. Seriously, how do people expect me to behave when all they do is try to kill me? Sit back and enjoy the process? I straighten the collar in frustration, leaving the shirt itself unbuttoned and open the bottle I hold with quick movements. This has been one long, leading-nowhere kind of day. Not that I complain – I've had Elena by my side all along and even though her behavior has been as moral and ethic and nerve-wrecking as always it's not every day I get to smell her sweet scent and hear her heartbeat as much as I please.

My mind is consumed by these adolescent-oriented thoughts as I pour some Bourbon in a plastic cup and sit by the window, letting out a sigh. I let my body get comfortable as I place my feet on one of the other chairs and compose my face to the façade I've been putting on for a century and a half: cold, heartless – even better, _soul less_ – Damon. I know it's cracking – my mask. I can feel it. That's the problem; that I've been feeling. I play with the cup as I, once again, think of the main reason my whole existence's show has been failing lately – the reason, which is sleeping innocently two beds away, probably dreaming about my brother. At this, I drink as if the cup holds poison rather than alcohol and I just need to end the pain once and for all. Obviously, all it does is turn me into a masochist, whose pain is simply not enough. _Hey Damon, you already know she doesn't and probably will never love you, so why don't you stare at her magnificent beauty? Watching your unrequited love sleep is definitely going to help you! _Before I realize, my eyes have already turned on her under their own, free will.

I catch her staring at me and she immediately closes her eyes and buries her face in the pillow. I don't dare look away, as one side of my mouth goes up in amusement and – I hate to admit – gratefulness. Apparently baby bro has left the building for the night. Not a second passes before she opens her eyes again and looks at me, almost shyly. She slightly lifts her head from the pillow now, as if it's blocking her view and I tilt my head on the side, because, honestly, I can't quite understand what's happening.

I may not understand what Elena wants or needs right now, but nevertheless, I don't let the chance pass me by. What would _that_ say for me, as both a vampire and a man? One word - incompetent. I get up and close the distance between myself and the double bed she's laying on with only five firm steps. I order my body down slowly, staring at her face all the way to the pillow. She's doesn't look angry or ready to protest, like she always does. Instead, she moves her body away an inch or so, to open up some room for me rather than to create distance between us. She repositions her head on her hand and I can't help but take every detail of the moment in.

Her breath is the tiniest bit quicker than usual – so is her heartbeat. Her long hair falls on her neck perfectly, creating a scarf, keeping her ever pumping veins hidden. Her eyes are warm and sunken with exhaustion as she looks at my face. Her stare doesn't move from mine – not for one moment does she glimpse at my bare chest. One thing truly admirable about Elena, she has never seemed too impressed by my good looks. I mean, yes, she _constantly_ gazes at my lips, but that's just unavoidable. She finally decides to convert what's troubling her into words.

"You never told me about that. What you did for Rose." Her mouth is smiling as she says it, like she's proud of me or something.

I look up to the ceiling, the moment her words sink in. I'm on my back and I let my head rest on my forearm, just under it. I don't want this to be a redemption moment. It gets me a bit pissed honestly, the way they all get so surprised the moment I act properly. They ask me to be the better man but no one ever believes I _can_ be the better man.

"It wasn't about you." I answer back, sounding harsh. Like it's a fault she's turned me into someone somehow appropriate.

But she smiles again, bigger this time and fixes her pillow, bringing her head on its edge, closer to me.

"Why don't you let people see the good in you?" Her voice is as warm as her eyes and filled with hope. I'm still looking up, trying to figure out a good answer to what seems to be Elena's eternal question for me_. Tell her it hurts. Ask her what the point is._ Why let people see the good in me when they're still going to choose my brother? And why the hell should I have to change? What if this _is_ me? - The good and the bad. People have and always will be close minded about it. They want someone all pure to call a good man. The moment they see the dark side of the moon, they label you evil.

I'm a freaking stereotype. 160 year old vampire but that doesn't stop pathetic little humans from stereotyping me. I have just been hoping Elena would be different.

"Because when people see good, they expect good. And I don't have to live up to anyone's expectations."

I turn my head sideways again, this time deciding I won't be the one to break our eyes-looking-into-each-other's-soul bond. It all becomes too intense, too soon, and I can feel emotions are overwhelming her. I feel all of this too, but I need to be in control of the situation. I won't let myself mess this up – not this time. I've never been mad at Elena for acting like our last kiss meant nothing, but I force my mind grasp one rule. If anything happens, she has to be the one to initiate it.

Elena's gazing at me like she's longing for something, though she doesn't know what. I've seen that look many times in my long existence, but never has the face holding it been this beautiful and never have I been so prone to fulfilling every need she might have. Her breathing comes out ragged and her heartbeat is killing me. She knows very well what my last words meant and her mind is fighting what her body wants. Elena turns on her back, finally breaking our stare, ordering her lungs take in all the oxygen that, at this moment, is nowhere near sufficient.

I can't help but wonder if she ever feels like this every time she's with Stefan.

Her hand falls next to mine in adorable desperation. She's fighting this like the stubborn persona she is. My eyes fall from her perfect profile to her now exposed neck and chest and wander there for a while. I crave her touch; I crave some contact. I slowly let my hand reach out to take hers. Our forearms are already touching and the blood is rushing into her veins to her heart like never before. I slowly take three fingers in my palm. She doesn't object - she doesn't quicken the process either. She's lost and part of me wants to make this easier for her. _You can't. She needs to know she wants this as much as you do…_If_ she does._ I take her small hand in mine and feel good. It feels good and right. It is right, right now.

Her eyes are wide and panicked. Her chest is going up and down rapidly as neither one of is letting each other's hand go. One second. Two, three, four…Elena leaves the bed and hurries outside, grabbing a cardigan as she goes. I'm left alone, literally cut in half. I desperately need to follow her. Every fiber of my being is ordering me to make good use of my vampire speed, grab her and kiss her like never before. The part holding my self- destructive ego thinks it would be better I let it go, drink the pain away and make the decision easy for her.

It all goes down in one second. Then, I shut my stupid ego up. The third second, I'm out of the door. Elena's turned her back at me, leaning against a ventilating machine. I allow some safe distance between us but I can still feel her body radiating waves of heat, want, fear and confusion. The moment she knows I'm standing behind her, I see the back of her head shake lightly in refusal. A ritual it has become lately.

"Don't." She whispers. It's more of a do. We both know it's a do. I said I wouldn't make the first move but that doesn't mean I can't influence her actions just the tiniest bit. Or, at least, try. The breeze is bringing her scent straight in my system and for the first time _ever_, I'm in loss for words.

"Why not?"

Please, Elena. _Please_. Just_, give in_ God damn it. Take a freaking chance here.

"_Elena…_"

Can she hear it? Did she? I call out her name is desperation, need, love, longing, passion, attraction, months of wanting her and being able to do nothing about it.

She shakes her head once more and if I wasn't a vampire, I wouldn't be able to see it or understand it's not a shake showing refusal, but acceptance. What happens next is out of this world. I see Elena turn around and approach me, her eyes having finally surrendered and her body calm, triumphant. I see everything in slow motion, up until the moment her lips crash into mine and her arms find their way to the small of my neck. Elena's kissing me with all her might, no regrets; no holding back.

I can list millions of things making this kiss exceptional for me. I feel everything. I can hear and feel and partly taste her hair in my mouth, along with the curves of her soft lips and the tip of her tongue. My eyes are closed – I don't need them to see neon lights around us and stars above our heads flicker. All that is – natural and human made – goes along with both of us. The wind is moving in synchronization with Elena's hands on my neck and what is more thrilling, this is the first impact of what it feels to really kiss her and it's far from over. The main reason this is exceptional for her is that she has a heartbeat – a beating heart, sending her body in overdrive right now and for that, I would trade every superhuman sense I have.

I keep her body close to mine, my hands strongly clenching her waist. I want all of her now that I can, and the need is killing me. The first moment she breaks free, looking for air, I kiss her again, afraid it will all be over. She welcomes my mouth, opening hers in hunger and lets my tongue fully in. I feel my insides tremble with pleasure and I press all of our bodies' lengths together. Elena wants the same – her hands on my back press my bare chest on her and she stands on her tiptoes, trying to lever her face with mine, show she's into this as much as I am. I take some steps forward, her body in my arms, too unstable to move on its own. We crash on a wall and I forget everything – where we are, what we're doing and the consequences of our actions. We both hold on the cold cement behind us the moment our bodies – now one closed system really – make first impact with the wall, unsteady and probably feeling the natural need to move all of this on a bed.

Every time I give her a chance to breathe now, she pulls my mouth back on hers in the instant, as if it is the lack of contact leaving her breathless rather than having too much of it. I let things take their natural stroll as I follow my every need and move my mouth behind her ear, just below her jaw, all along her neckline; I reach the chest I was so heavily craving only five minutes ago and the feel of her heated skin on my lips makes it clear that if she doesn't stop me, I won't be able to keep myself under control. Fuck the consequences. It looks like she's gotten really good at reading _me_, if not my mind, because she takes my face in her hands the moment I'm dangerously close to her breasts and pulls it upwards. I feel a pinch of panic at the thought of this being over. She can't let this be over. We gaze at each and it seems ironic, that the sole part of us not touching is the exact same part connecting us more fiercely than ever. Her eyes agree with mine, reassure me that I'm no longer alone with my wants and needs – that she finally knows there are things fare more important than safety and compassion. Things such as passion and recklessness and living life to the fullest, exploring every option, taking nothing for granted, allowing your heart decide what's best. And with that, our mouths are in collision again.

If anything, I want Elena to know that the ultimate thing I've learned throughout all these years is that the heart is to be taken seriously, because in the end it _will_ take what it craves.

The thought creeps in my head, slowly, seductively, as I'm hungrily kissing her for what seems forever and yet, barely long enough, and plants itself in my head, putting me in a blissful state of hope. Neither one of us is thinking of ending this. My right hand is on her left hip now and as I reach for her back, my palm fully cups her behind, bringing her body higher and closer to me. She doesn't flinch when I touch her there, she doesn't gasp or try to break free – she keeps going, while her fingers trace patterns on my back. The thought blossoms and I feel the tightness in my pants at the prospect of this going further than I could ever dream of.

"Elena?"

The moment Elena's mouth leaves mine, I ask myself why I ever felt relieved Jeremy Gilbert was wearing his immortality ring the night I snapped his neck. _Will Elena hate me forever if I kill him now?_ Well, I did once and she found it in herself to forgive me. Maybe…

"Oh my God, Jeremy, I…"

She's tongue-tied as one hand rests on my chest, confirming the distance that now aches between us and another smoothes her hair and cardigan into place. One of mines is still cupping her cheek and while this is all very awkward between them, I find myself torn between the desire to kill Jeremy and the need to start kissing her again. I can't kiss her again though. Reality's back full force, so I put my mask on and turn my back to her. My shirt is still yanking open and Jeremy's face is highly disturbed as he averts his stare from both of us. Not that I expected the little brother I've bullied, scared, kidnapped and tried to kill to like me. Maybe if I find him a proper girlfriend…

"Rose found Mary. She lives in Kansas. "He states while looking inside the motel room.

"Ok then, let's go."

I throw one last sideway glance at Elena, who is now holding her body with her own folded arms and move inside, passing right next to Jeremy. I shoot him a deadly look, hoping he realizes how lucky he is to be alive right now - having Elena as a sister comes handy to him.

He follows me inside after scolding her with, what I guess is, a how-could-you-glare from a teenager who knows nothing of the world and neither one of us gets to see the small smile playing on Elena's lips as she's left alone after what seemed to be the beginning of something new.


	2. Chapter 2

**_Don't be too harsh on me guys :)_**

* * *

During our journey back to Mystic Falls, the air in the car is too heavy for my liking. Jeremy sits silently in the back, arms folded on his chest, eyes constantly moving between Elena and me, as if he's expecting some kind of emotional outburst again. Like _that_'s going to happen. She's pressed her head on the windowpane, her body as far away as possible and I can see that our little argument after Kol beat the shit out of me –_note to self: make that motherfucker pay_ - has left her more confused than ever. No need to look up the "Guide to Elena's Over-Complicated Mind" to know how she'll react now that I asked her to confront her feelings. She'll put up all her walls. Surprise, _surprise!_

I'm pissed. No, cross that, I'm furious at her. I'm constantly furious – never at her though. She's always the one bringing out the good in me, they way it so vulgarly happens in every cheesy TV show nowadays, and that is exactly why I love her. Well, I sometimes hate her about it, but what can I say, I'm one ambiguous dude. Either way, tonight she was at her best game. First, she sends me to 7th Heaven with all the steamy make-out session, which made me see rainbows and unicorns. Not too long after that, I'm hanging out with Lucifer down in the pit.

"_Stefan thinks I have feelings for you." _and _"I don't know."_

"_That's what you do Damon. You sabotage things."_

Is saving their lives _repeatedly,_ lashing out? Or maybe blessing them with my intelligence; dealing with the consequences of our always so poorly executed plans, because someone just_ has_ to put his humanity first. That someone usually being the love of my life, now brooding next to me, lost in thought. They always accuse me of killing or letting someone die – because, it's all the same to them – and they never care to remind themselves that I do what I do _after _one of them screws up.

Take Stefan for example. He's always playing nice in front of Elena, goes for every altruistic – stupid – plan that crosses her mind and _then_, after she's taken away to be killed, sacrificed or slaughtered, he comes asking for my help. We know how the cookie crumbles – I take measures, someone dies, Elena slaps me/hits me/doesn't talk to me for what seems like centuries and – last but definitely not least – she goes back to Stefan, because he _respects_ her.

Respect, _my ass_; the way I see it, you love someone, you keep them alive - even if that someone makes it their mission to die before hitting their twenties. Even if you have the whole world against you in the process.

I let my eyes slide at her direction. She's looking outside the window as if sightseeing. I have to admit, I was a bit harsh earlier. My patience is coming to an end, especially after _the_ kiss. I wonder if she'll tell Stefan about it. If she does and he's mad, she'll be left without a date for the decade dance.

I almost chuckle at the thought. Here I am, old and weary, thinking about high school dances and secretly hoping to be invited by the eighteen year old girl I love_. I am creepy_. It doesn't change anything though – I still want to be her date at the dance and she's still going to go with Stefan. He is going to be noble about our kiss, even if he's red with anger inside, and after one look at her chocolate brown doe eyes, he'll say it would be his honor to escort her.

"You're going way too fast. Slow down, please." Her voice is small and careful, as if I'm going to throw us off some cliff. She's guessing I'm mad over our fight and will probably do something I'll regret later.

"_What if there was no bump?"_

I meant it when I asked her. Our conversation plays in my mind over and over again, as I slow down and Jeremy sighs behind me; the adrenaline junkie. What if I didn't mess up? I could be better – it would take some effort, yes, but it can be done. I haven't killed anyone in a while now and I'm not planning to – not if it isn't completely necessary. I haven't fed on a human being. Thank God for the blood banks. There is the alcoholism and anger and trust issue, but Rick could help with those after I make sure he's back to his old self. And after I get him to see I'm good for Elena too, or he'll try to kill me.

"Sorry, I didn't realize."

She nods silently and relaxes in her sit. We're in Mystic Falls now and my body aches for her. In about ten minutes she'll be inside her house, calm and logical again and she'll talk herself into believing that the "Denver Incident" was nothing but an incident. And I…I'll go back to Stefan, find out that all hell's broken loose and eventually get drunk on my own. If Stefan's plan has succeeded then Rick – who isn't really Rick– will be God knows where.

I pull the car in front of Elena's house and help Jeremy get his luggage inside. He's smart enough not to decline my help and probably knows I'm trying to win me some time. When I'm about to leave I see Elena's sitting on the porch outside, staring nowhere in particular.

"Goodnight Elena. Looking forward to further road trips that we may share in the future." My sarcastic voice comes out unintentionally.

"So now you're back at making fun of all this?" She's irritated with me as much as I am with her.

I have millions of answers for her; answers she may or may not want to hear.

"Crying won't help you, praying won't do you no good. When the levee breaks mama, you got to move."

I quote Led Zeppelin as a perfect answer and head back to my car, without looking back. Who am I kidding? I won't be able to change. Frankly, I don't really want to change – too much has happened; that ship has sailed away a long time now. She'll have to take me as I am, the good and the bad all mixed together – mostly bad. Elena needs to acknowledge that I love her in a way no one does – not my brother, not Matt; _nobody_. And that is the only love I know of. I could be good for her like this. I could show her places she's never seen before, make her question her life, and extend her limits. I could dance all night by her side, walk all day, never get bored – I could hear her laugh and be proud I'm the one who caused it.

She has to know we'll have bad days. I'll be angry with anyone who tries to hurt her, she'll put her humanity first and make me want to kill her myself and we will fight and scream and in the end, still be there for each other. Just like we are now.

Until the moment Elena sees all this, she won't be able to make up her mind. And I won't be in peace. As I drive around the corner, her house lost behind me, I can't help but remember how easy it was for her to act like our kiss meant nothing.

_What if she never sees things the way you do, huh genius? What if the only thing she sees is someone who lashes out, the moment there is a bump on the road?_

* * *

_Ok, so this is the second chapter of my modest story. Not too long, but quality over quantity, right? THANK YOU to anyone who read, added the story to their favorites, alerts, reviewed - I highly appreciate it. In case you have any questions, suggestions, constructive criticism to make, go ahead and review. I read and consider EVERYTHING.  
Yours, S. _


	3. Chapter 3

_Thank you for being here. :)_

* * *

_Elena's POV_

"Who are _you _taking to the dance?"

Exactly, who am I taking? It shouldn't be so hard to decide now, should it? A choice shouldn't exist at all. Stefan. I should be able to say it and mean it and want it. Shout it, for that matter. STEFAN. But, I can't. I'm torn in half – no matter how hard I try to deny and fight it. Damon's not occupying a small part of my mind and heart anymore. He's taken residence to the better half of me. I want it to be Stefan, but how can I go and ask him – look him in the eye – when all I've been doing lately is holding on to secrets even I am scared to face? Secrets that can't be shared with anyone – and I mean _anyone_. How do you tell people that it's your so claimed epic love's brother you think of before going to sleep? Or that, all the angry reaction to him sleeping next to you at night is just a show you put on, so you don't have to feel guilty about the amazing feeling his warm body gives you?

Caroline, now standing in front of me, eyeing me curiously, will be the first one to scold me. I can't blame her. Stefan gave me the perfect love story – one all of us girls have been dreaming of since _The Notebook._ Even his bloodlust and vengeance period seem utterly romantic to Caroline, because he's constantly fighting the darkness inside him so he can be with me. _You_ _are the Noah to his Allie_ – Caroline told me once.

What if I don't want to be anyone's Noah? What if I don't want to spend my life reminding someone how much he loves me, only to be disappointed at the end of the day? _How_ _very selfish of me!_ I want to tell Caroline that Stefan indeed gave me the love story I so craved, but that kiss Damon gave me was out of this world – everything a kiss should be and more. And that Damon is as much dependable as Stefan is, maybe more, so they can stop hating him and start appreciating the good he's done.

But that wouldn't sound like me and it would make things worse so, instead, I try to take Caroline's mind off of trying to solve my excessively dramatic love life.

"I thought the three of us were going together; Girls' power and all."

I play with one of the decorations we're using to turn the gym into a twenties dance floor and my mind unintentionally goes back to the times everything was so freaking simple. I had two normal, human, sometimes irritating, best friends; a brother going through every possible stage of adolescence and a boyfriend everyone envied. I was a cheerleader and I was content with my life. I wanted nothing more. Now, my two best friends are a powerful witch and a blonde, bubbly vampire – yet we're closer than ever. My brother can see ghosts, but our bond has never been this powerful. I am torn between two vampire brothers who, everyday, show me what love and life really is. Oh, can't forget the immortal, vampire-hunter teacher/parent and the hybrids running around and causing trouble every time they please.

_Would you take anything back though_? Hell to the no.

So many people have died. Every time I think of every one I've lost in the past two years my heart aches. Every loss has bred bonding, though – every tear, every suffering has brought what's left of all us closer together, living life the best way we can and that is much more important than existing, in a way.

"That was before Bonnie decided to invite Jamie and I got officially back together with Tyler." She can't hold back a genuine smile as she says all of this, so I smile back – perfectly happy that she and Bonnie are happy. Continuous trouble has taught us to cherish happiness whenever we can.

_So, you're going to take Damon's chance at happiness once more by inviting Stefan?_ I don't want him to hurt anymore. God, I hate it when he hurts. I hate it when they both hurt.

"I see."

"_So?"_

She's not letting me get away with this. Caroline's more stubborn than I am and she's claimed love problems her own ever since I can remember.

"I'm confused, Caroline. I am so very confused."

"But…why?" she frowns and we both stand, looking at each other like idiots, the dance decorations completely forgotten. "Stefan, Elena – ask Stefan. I bet he looked ravishing in the twenties."

"I can't just ask him."

She snorts impatiently. "Is this because you made out with Damon in that dirty motel corridor?"

I look around, terrified and lower my voice so that no one can hear but I can still sound angry and potent – as potent as I can in front of my vampire, know-it-all friend. "I didn't share _that_ so you could torture and use it against me."

"But what friend would_ I_ be if I didn't?" her voice is smooth and dripping honey now and her perfect smile is back on her face. "Stefan needs this Elena. He needs to know his actions didn't affect the love you have for him."

"He needs _this_? Caroline, I spent all summer looking for him. I drove to Chicago, begged him to come back home. All the while crying, hoping like an idiot. If a stupid dance is what Stefan needs, to know I've never been affected by his blood-lust then maybe we were never as strong as I thought we were."

I see Caroline drop her eyes and focus on the decorations. She probably thinks my outbursts lately are nothing but stress and impatience over Stefan and that the kiss I shared with Damon only proved how strong my love for Stefan is. She knows me oh-so-well, yet she can't read me. She wasn't able to trace the excitement in my voice while I told her about Denver; she didn't pay attention at my quickened heartbeat. The next time she talks, her voice is soft and caring.

"I don't want to force you into anything. I just think you shouldn't feel guilty about that kiss. Stefan will understand and will be honored to be your date. When you walk – if you walk – through that door, you will be the epic couple we all love, just like the old times."

She chuckles, apparently happy with her little speech and then she instantly turns around, vampire mood on, with a huge chandelier in her hands. "Rebecca can take this piece of trash and hang it somewhere else. This is my night – _my_ dance."

She hands the chandelier to Matt, who rolls his eyes in amusement and takes off, all bossy again. I'm left alone, thinking about her last words. I do feel guilt, but not telling Stefan about the kiss is the least important reason. I know he'll understand – he is _that_ noble. I feel guilty about not having talked to Damon since the night we came back. I feel guilty about not telling him how thankful I am he kissed me the way he did that night. I feel guilty about the pain I keep causing him. Lastly, I feel guilty because of the choice I've just made – the choice I feel obligated to make. I'm going to ask Stefan and part of me hopes he says no. I want him to get mad and say that maybe Damon and I deserve each other, because we've hurt him.

_Nobody gives little speeches on Damon's favor. _Nobody ever does. Damon's where he is in my heart all on his own – he deserves to be there.

* * *

_Damon's POV_

One look at the cell phone screen and the anger I tried so hard to suppress, from the moment I heard that cheesy phone call take place in my living room, roars back to life.

"Elena. Make it quick, please. I have places to be, vampire-hunters to save."

Her breath comes ragged from the other side of the phone. "What are you talking about?"

"Alaric hasn't been using his herbs since the cave incident; he lied about it. The bastard thinks he can trick _me_."

I can rumble on about Rick forever if it saves me from having to talk about what I imagine the purpose of her call is.

"Should I be worried?"

"You should always be worried – _Klaus_ is alive. Are we done?"

I hope she could see my face, acting all impatient. Maybe she'd understand how awkward this is for me. She doesn't know I know though and she thinks she's doing the right thing, so I let her do it. It will make her feel better and that's what matters.

"I asked Stefan to the twenties decade dance." She whispers quickly. "I thought you should know."

"So, you want me to distract Rebecca? It _was_ the twenties those two met, after all. Are you worried Stefan will get nostalgic over ghosts of girlfriends past or something?"

I can almost see her rolling her eyes, her face vivid in my mind. She's aware of the kind of love Stefan has for her – she know Rebecca, or anyone else for that matter, doesn't stand a chance.

"Not the case Damon."

"_Good_. Because, honestly, since the night we spent together, Rebecca's stepped in the dark side. You have nothing to worry about."

I smirk at the memory of Rebecca screaming my name and cursing her fate for meeting the other Salvatore. Right words, wrong girl.

"I just…I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry I invited Stefan."

_You cannot be serious_. "Did anyone force you to invite him?"

"No." She breathes.

"Do you think you'll have a terrible time with him?"

"Of course not – with some luck, no one will try to kill me tonight."

She tries to brighten the mood, make the conversation easier because I know she can feel my anger through the phone. I can't help it. Right now, she's pissing me off and for once, I want her to acknowledge that she can't make choices and expect no one will get hurt.

"Then, why the hell are we having this conversation Elena? Please, do tell."

Silence; fucking silence.

"I wanted to be the one to tell you, because of everything that's been going on between us."

I laugh, but it doesn't come out right. It comes out pained and forced. "I was here when you called. It was like a freaking episode of '_The O.C _'. Stefan smiled and blushed and – spoiler alert – he's locked in his room, getting all handsome for you. No need to worry your little head about me."

Once more, she mutters under her breath. "All that sarcasm is bad for you."

"Compared to everything else, I'd say it's a treat. No if you'd excuse me, I have to go and deal with the big boys' problems. Have fun tonight."

"You and I both know I won't be having lots of fun Damon."

This time her voice is strong and confident, as if she's sending some kind of cryptic message only I can understand; one that's contradicting her actions.

"Goodbye Elena."

"Damon. Please be careful."

I close the phone and curse under my breath. Why the hell didn't she ask me? Whatever she just said isn't important – actions speak more than words. She's going for Stefan. This time too, I'll lose.

* * *

_Here. I did it. I know you amazing people reading this want more Delena intersection but I don't want to rush things, so just stick with me till the end (if you enjoy to). I am **freaking out** about the finale, I do not want to see D heartbroken. Anyhow, do you guys think I should let Rick die or turn him to evil-original vampire-hunter? I want Elena and Damon to bond over his death (properly) but I love Rick way too much to just kill him off.  
__Thank you for reading. I hope it's worthy of your time. Yours, S. _


	4. Chapter 4

_I decided to include the beautiful Dalaric scene at 3x20 because of the epicness it held. Enjoy. _

* * *

_Elena's POV_

We enter the gym, now completely transformed, and I can see in my friends' faces we still are the epic couple Caroline so girlishly claimed us to be. He is, of course, being a perfect gentleman, in a way only Stefan can pull through. From the moment I saw him standing on my porch, to opening his Porsche's door for me, to commenting on how beautiful I looked in my white dress; we exchanged some soft words, both remembering how much we meant and still mean to each other.

It feels comfortable, being lead to the dance floor by him. I know him – I know what he'll do, how he'll move with me in his arms and the way he'll look at me. It is predictable, but it's also safe and my life is way too dangerous – I'm scared that if I ask for more danger, in any aspect, it'll all become too much. _You mean if you ask for Damon_. Of course that's what I mean. D stands for dangerous and dangerous is Damon. What I feel for him scares me; it literally scares me, as if when I finally begin to love him I'll lose myself in the process.

"Is my dancing _that_ bad?" Stefan asks, while staring curiously. He knows better than this but he's playing nice, avoiding what has to be discussed.

"No, I was just… thinking."I smile up to him and hope he sees how grateful I am he's almost back to his old self. I let my eyes wander and I feel content at the way everyone's having fun, swaying in the jazz music the twenties provided.

"No drama yet – with some luck we'll get to break our 'bad dance luck' tradition."

He lets out a forced, pained chuckle and his eyes darken at whatever he's thinking. "Luck doesn't like us much."

Indeed it doesn't. I see Caroline beaming at our direction while moving playfully in Tyler's arms. The moment she catches my eye she nods and blinks, as if finally everything's ok with the world. I can't blame her. We're all here, dancing; having fun. Stefan is back – the way I wanted him to be. I wanted all of this more than everything and now that it's happening I can't stop worrying about Damon. Evil Alaric is still out there and I desperately need both of them to be by my side, the way it has been throughout this rollercoaster of a year.

We're slow dancing now and I can feel my heartbeat quicken at the long forgotten intimacy of our bodies. I wonder if my senses will react the same way to the soft, warm ways Stefan had of touching me after that fire my kiss with Damon was. I need to tell Stefan about it, but when I do all the magic will be gone. That kiss keeps coming to me like a dream and I like it that way – I like everything better than facing my feelings in reality.

"Bonnie seems happy." He says, while following my eyes. She is hanging on Jamie's shoulders, eyes closed and with a warm smile on her face. "I've been meaning to talk to her; apologize."

"You should. I don't know if she's ready to forgive you though - or Damon, for that matter."

I mention Damon's name without thinking it would be a problem, but we both freeze awkwardly as it leaves my mouth. Stefan doesn't look away, but I can feel his shoulders and his grip on my waist tense. Well, it's now or never.

"We need to talk about what happened in Denver."

I see him shake his head in refusal and pull me closer to his body. Does he already know? _Maybe Damon told him._ No, he didn't. Damon would never brag about our kiss to his brother. _Then why is he shaking his head?_

"I don't need to know."

"Stefan…"

"Elena. Whatever happened between you two, I don't need to know. It doesn't matter to me."

He is so calm now, so reassuring, I can't believe someone like Stefan can really exist. It strikes me as weird, really. He's supposed to love me. Why isn't he jealous? Why is he so freaking calm about this?

_Oh come on, you know why_. His nobility is only a small part of it all. He's acting this way because he is confident. He knows you chose him tonight, he knows you need him and most definitely, he knows you're nowhere near ready to accept your feelings for Damon. He _is_ going to get advantage of that. Katherine chose him too. He met you first – he holds the title of your first, epic love. Stefan doesn't think Damon stands a chance.

_He's not like that_. Is he? How can I know? I've only known him for two years out of one hundred and sixty.

"Why doesn't it matter Stefan?"

He encircles my waist with his long arms and bows my body down, steadily. He moves along with me and in a second we're standing nose to nose, in the most traditional of all dance moves. My head is close to the floor, but I'm not worried. I know he has me. He looks me in the eye and thinks it through. Then he smiles and whispers in a gentle voice that makes it impossible for me to know if he's lying or telling the true reason.

"After everything I've put you through, I'm just honored to be your date."

I have no time to think, as he puts me back on my feet again and we start dancing, this time silent. My mind is a mess. Before I know it, I see Stefan frown at something and then I hear the voice that, not so long ago, whispered my name like some kind of a prayer.

"We three need to talk."

I know trouble's coming and I know it's bad, or Damon wouldn't show up here for the world. It doesn't matter because the moment I see he is safe and sound, I start properly breathing again.

* * *

_Damon's POV_

How did everything come down to this? How could I let this happen? Is this what I get for being sensible and patient with people – lose my capability of getting things done the right way? Alaric is dying inside a fucking cave. The best friend I never intended having is dying and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.

Now I know this will sound terribly wrong, but I told them we should kill him the moment he stopped taking those herbs and turned to Mr. Hyde. _No_, they said. _Rick's not going to die tonight_. Oh, look at this completely unexpected turn of events which I obviously didn't predict firsthand – _he is dying_. They just had to let things go downhill, pretending to be heroes in a game none of us understand. Let's team up against original witches and vampires to save the evil alter-ego of a man long gone. Great idea you guys, let's all go and do _that_. _Let's_ let Elena go off into the night with Esther, because when did Elena get into trouble while following her own mind? Let us all mortals go there and witness another ritual, in which Elena's blood is used to form some kind of new and improved monster that will chase us down till we're all dead.

What am I even doing in this town, surrounded by these stupid, _stupid_ people?

The reason I'm still here left, with more pain than an eighteen year old girl can handle, in her eyes, so I could say my last goodbye to Rick. In the end, it's Meredith who makes me face everything and do what I have to. I get inside the cave. What a fucking depressing place to die. It could have been so easy – I would have done him a favor. There's nothing wrong with a mercy kill, Rick and I talked about it thousands of times. It's kind of graceful, in a way. It wouldn't even be Rick, not really. They just had to drag it out. All I can do now is sit next to him in the dirt, drink some more alcohol and memorize whatever conversation we're about to have for the rest of eternity.

"Is this the part where you give me a dream? Rolling green hills…"

He chuckles. He's dying, yet he finds it in him to mention things I want to remain unsaid _forever_.

"I was drunk when I told you that." I laugh too, partly because of the alcohol I've been drinking for the past hour and a half and partly because it's either laugh or cry right now.

"And I told you I'd use it against you."

Of course you would, you jackass. After all, you are my best friend. And we are so much alike. He is barely holding on. His breath is short and ragged, his eyes half closed. It pains me, because I know I won't have anyone's annoying attitude to tolerate anymore.

"Damn you. Sorry I killed you; twice." I smirk at the memory. I guess that's what I'll hold on to – getting drunk at The Grill, killing vampires together, and killing him. Yet, he was there every time I needed him. He is a vampire-hunter who got used to tolerating the most annoying vampire out there. Me.

"So I have to actually die to get a real apology out of you?" he whispers.

I can't smile anymore. I raise one side of my mouth with much effort and give him the bottle I've been holding.

"Drink." It makes everything so much easier - life experience.

"Actually, I've been thinking about cutting back." He says, pretending he can't feel his heart starting to fail him. His eyes are tearful and I stare intensely on the wall in front of me, because God damn it, I don't know how to do all this. I don't know what to do with my feelings. So I do what I do best – drink and joke about anything that's important.

"Yeah, this stuff will kill you."

Rick's tears finally fall as he takes the bottle and drinks. After one gulp, he closes his eyes and decides to leave the conversation at that. I feel my vision blur, so I get up as fast I as can and get out of the cave only to find another one of my never ending problems waiting for me, as if in a holy mission. Witchy is the last person I want to see right now.

"What are you doing here?"

She stares blankly, I feel unbearable pain and then –

"_Is he dead?"_

"_Yes."_

"_I cannot believe this really happened. I can't. This is…"_

_She's on the verge of tears, so she breaks off midway and just shakes her head in denial. She sobs and sits on my bed, looking astonishingly fragile._

"_I've lost everyone."_

"_Elena. You have me. I'm here. I'll always be here."_

_I sit down next to her and cup her knee, giving it a light squeeze. _

"_What did he say, before…Was he in pain?"_

_I smile, grateful I'm the one who holds Rick's final words. "I was the one in pain – in pain because of his turn of the century sense of humor."_

"_You and Jeremy are the only people I can talk with – about Rick."_

"_We can talk about him anytime you want to. There are so many stories you don't know – after all, he was a thirty year old alcoholic vampire-hunter slash history teacher."_

"_Slash guardian." She mutters, taking my hand in hers._

"_Slash bad ass best friend." I add, giving her hand a small kiss. "You go cry and be mad and then, when you're ready, we can talk."_

"_Thank you."_

-I wake up, the sun is shining, birds are singing and Bonnie is tossed next to me on the ground and I instantly know things have gone terribly wrong.

* * *

_Here. I'm fast-forwarding after this chapter, so I get to the finale and have everything running properly. About that finale - it was right and wrong in so many different levels. 1. That Stelena kiss just didn't do it. 2. Elena, I love you, but "I met him first" is not a reason to love someone. Just NO. And they better not dare get her and Damon together using that flashback. It was beautiful and it was the only reason I survived the episode without dying, but Damon has given Elena thousands of other reasons to choose him. So just NO, that would be disrespectful to their relationship. 3. I never thought I could love Damon more,but hey-never say about being have been said, all I want is for him to be happy and appreciated the way he so deserves.  
__In my story, he gets the girl the proper way. So, please tell me what you think so far :) I appreciate you all taking the time to read! Really, thank you.  
__p.s. you let her die Stefan? Really? REALLY__?_


	5. Chapter 5

_This is the first piece of individual writing I consider somehow readable. For this reason, I hope you enjoy._

* * *

- _I was praying that you and me might end up together._

_All Damon._

Things had digressed rapidly from the moment I'd woken up with Bonnie still passed out next to me, to realize she'd assisted Rick's transition and he was gone looking for his true target – originals. I'd been grateful he hadn't drained her, because I knew Bonnie would come handy for the fight about to begin. It had been instant knowledge – the moment I'd opened my eyes I could visualize every possible scenario and outcome and I knew that if they didn't let me get matters into my own hands there would be blood and there would be victims. I'd had let go of my original plan to visit Elena and talk to her about Rick and everything else that was making things so uncomfortable between us. I had just taken Bonnie and hoped there was a way to get most of us alive out of this mess.

Now, as I am sitting waiting for Barbie Klaus to come and take her brother, I can't help but feel like all hell is about to break loose. So much has happened in the past two days, I still can't believe everyone is alive and kicking. Elena of course holds the record for _almost_ dying, every freaking time. First, Rick kidnapped her, then Klaus kidnapped and almost bled her dry and not long ago we found out she was in the hospital with a head concussion. And to think how high I was feeling with Klaus's desiccated body in the back of the car my brother and I were using to drop him in the end of the ocean.

I'd been almost ok with Stefan going back and taking care of Elena as I kept going, because I thought: _she's out of danger and she's not stable enough to make any stupid decisions that will cost us another epic failure._ Little did I know; a head concussion couldn't stop Elena Gilbert from making stupid decisions. Now that I come to think about it, while Becks is running terribly late, when did she ever let anything stop her from making bad decisions? Elijah, her favorite original, had decided to drop by the moment she was out of the hospital and ruin my chance to see Klaus disappear once and for all.

I'd listened carefully on what he had to say, through Elena's phone, which was on speaker, and even though I'd promised not to say anything I couldn't hold it back the moment I realized she was seriously considering his offer. Elijah wanted Klaus's body back. He was promising that they would run and let Alaric follow, making sure Elena lived her life. Then, when Elena died a beautiful, natural death they would kill him. No harm done, right? _Wrong_; so very wrong. I protested, I reminded them it wasn't the first time Elijah was giving meaningless promises but it was just me against a bunch of idiots and one emotionally unstable girl who wanted everyone to be happy. Of course Stefan let her make her choice – team free will and all. So, this is the short story of how Damon's plans are about to fail once more.

Now I'm sitting here, hoping that no one assists crazed Rick in his quest to finding Klaus or we are all so very screwed. I have a bad feeling – a very bad feeling. We haven't heard from him. Surely he knows the clock is ticking. He's smart enough to know the originals are moving out of his reach with every minute passing. This silence scares me. This lack of reaction from his side shows there's something bigger going on and I'm terrified that I won't be able to fix it. I am so stressed I can't even think about the promise I made to Stefan before he went back. Honestly, I don't want to think about leaving Mystic Falls. I don't want to think about leaving Elena behind after all this is over.

The hell with this, I'm hoping I won't have to leave her. I keep replaying our kiss and everything we've shared these past months and I know they ought to mean something. Maybe she won't let me go. After all, she's not Katherine.

I smile a little at the thought and answer my ringing cell. It's Stefan, calling to ask how everything is going. While I inform him, I can't help but think that he's there with Elena and that he'll do everything in his power to win her over. He already has, actually, and I can't let it go without mentioning it once.

"You just had to let her make the choice, didn't you?"

"What would you have done Damon?"

I smile bitterly. Does he really need to ask? "Grabbed her, gagged her; threw her in a well, I don't know, anything other than letting her trust Elijah."

I can sense he is smiling in pain too. "You know she'd just hate you for it, right?"

"Yes, but she'd be alive and she'd hate me; Thus the eternal difference between you and me, brother."

I snap the phone closed as I hear Rebecca's steps approach the store room in which I'm hiding Klaus's body. I didn't really mean my last words – I know Stefan would never let her die; _ever_. I go out and think that maybe this whole situation isn't all that critical. Maybe I can even joke around with Rebecca for a while. After all, they'll need a few hours before Bennie's spell kicks in and the original monster's heart starts working again.

"It was about time, sexy Becks."

I gasp for air as two strong hands that definitely don't belong to Rebecca grab me from behind and with one quick, merciless movement, snap my neck.

* * *

I am _so_ dead. We are all so dead. That's it. The end; fin; fucking _over._ At least I got one wish granted – Klaus is finally dead. Yes, we're all going down with him, but what the hell. I've never been scared of dying. I never wanted vampirism in the first place – I just took what I could get.

I can't say I've led a noble kind of life. I look back and all I see is death, hunger, lust, obsession; everything bad tops the few good things I've done. But I'll go in peace because our death means Elena will be finally free. She'll be free of our hold on her. She'll have a normal life again – after all that's all she's ever wanted. Maybe if that douche bag Mat survives this, he'll make it his life mission to take care of her. He'll give her small Elena-s and, sooner or later, all the tortures and drama we put her through will be a distant memory. I can live with this – correction, I can die with this. The thought that she will be safe makes everything seem unimportant.

I wish Stefan was here. Hell, I wish she was here. I would give everything to have her eyes be the last thing I stare into before dying. I've had more than enough time with Stefan – there is no need for hugs and kisses to know how much we love each other. In the end, it was him who kept me alive all these years and vice versa. I can't blame him for anything – I don't. At least he tried his best to keep her safe and that is all that matters.

I feel fine. I don't feel like dying, but I can't get my hopes up. I saw Rick stake Klaus; Rebecca's high shrieks and hot tears were proof that this wasn't something they'd planned behind my back. The only thing I can hope for is that Klaus was lying; maybe he wasn't the one to initiate our bloodline. Maybe, but probably not; I've tricked death way too many times. Our existence as vampires means tricking death. It's probably time to go and I know how fate works – I'm going the same time my brother is, so no one gets to complain about life being so unfair.

Waiting for death is boring me. This has been our last, ultimate failure. Where did we go wrong? Who was the weak link of it all? _Don't think about it_. I refuse to go with hate and anger. I lived with those feelings. Instead, I'll think about Elena. I'll think about all those priceless moments I got to spend with her. I'll think about how much I truly love her.

_If we survive this – if there is a God out there and we actually survive this – I promise I'll tell her everything. _So many things she doesn't know. So many things I've been holding back, making it easy for my brother. I haven't been _that_ selfish. I feel like laughing with the irony of it all. I wonder what Stefan will think when he finds out. He'll hate himself. He'll feel guilty and that is why I've been holding everything back. There is so much guilt Stefan can hold before turning to that Edward guy from Twilight.

See God? Or whoever is sitting up there being a judgmental fucker…I'm not that bad.

My phone rings. I take it easily out of my pocket and realize this is the easiest death I've ever experienced. Nothing's hurting. I swear, if Klaus was lying, I don't know which one of his siblings I'll have to kill to take revenge for scaring us like this. I'll probably spare the one who created us.

It's Elena. _Tell me you're coming to me and I'll give you your memories of us back._ Tell me you chose me and you won't regret it.

"Let me guess. Calling to see if the grim reaper's paid me a visit?" My humor is dark and depressing but, hey, after all, I am supposed to be dying.

"How are you feeling? Are there any symptoms?" her voice is urgent against the phone. She's worried about me; so far so good. I can physically feel hope building up inside me.

"Not yet, but I'm sure we'll have a laugh when we find out Klaus is a big, fat liar." I get up and start pacing around.

"Yeah, I'm sure we will."

"Hey, where are you?"

Please say you're headed to where I am. Please say you're coming to me. I need to stop this crap. _Please. Please._

"Mat's taking me home."

Oh, wow. "To Stefan."

"Not just Stefan, Damon. To Tyler, to Caroline…"

Excuses, freaking _excuses _to make this easier for me; as if there is nothing she can say that will make what's coming easier. So do _not_ say it – please Elena, have enough mercy not to say it.

"I know I get it." I cut her short. "So, since I'm _possibly_ dead man, can I ask you a question?"

"Yeah, of course."

_Are you suicidal? Don't ask her._ I shouldn't. If there is a chance I survive this, and odds are there is, I'll have to spend eternity with the choice have been made. I could win more time. Let her give you a sweet goodbye; let her think there is no need for a choice, since she'll lose you both. Christ's sake, survive this so you can go back and make her recall the _whole_ truth.

Fuck this. "If it was down to just him and me; and you _had_ to make a choice. Who got the goodbye? Who would it be?"

_How can you even be smiling you asshole_? _How are you still hoping?_ Ah, I'm smiling with my fucked up life, that's what I'm smiling with.

"I love him Damon. He came into my life at a time when I needed someone and I fell for him _instantly_. No matter what I feel for you, I never unfelt for him."

The pain is horrible. God, it's beyond horrible. But I can't let it show and I can't think until this phone call is over.

"Yeah, I get it. It's Stefan. It's always going to be _Stefan_."

My vision blurs. I need to get the pain out of my system.

"I can't think about always. All I can think about is right now. And I care about you Damon, which is why I have to let you go. I mean, maybe, if you and I had met first..."

She's crying. Not that it makes any difference. Now, it is all over. Now is the time I hope Klaus wasn't lying about any of this and I'll actually get to die.

"Yeah, maybe."

She gets a grip and her voice becomes reassuring. "You're going to be fine. You hear me?"

At this, I turn to see evil Rick waiting patiently to stake me and I feel some kind of happiness and anger at the same time. So apparently I will die and my brother won't. After my death Elena will be more than happy to spend eternity with him and one day someone will turn their life to a Disney movie. At least I'll die.

"You're going to be okay and I'm going to see you soon."

"Real soon. Goodbye Elena."

Please, be safe.

* * *

I am fighting Rick just out of instinct. I can't wait till he stakes me. My moves are sloppy and bored – I'm not even trying.

How could she do this to me? How could she go all Katherine on my ass? It feels like thousands of stakes and millions of migraines working on my body and mind at the same time. I don't want to breathe; I don't want to feel ever again; never. No actually, I want to have one painful death, or else I'll probably die of my heart breaking into millions of pieces. It is cheesy and it is wrong for a vampire to feel like this – it is wrong for _me_ to feel like this. But I trusted her. I trusted she'd make the right choice. I trusted she'd follow her instincts, her heart and her _gut_. Why tell me? Why the fuck tell me? Why didn't she turn around without calling? She could have lied – it wouldn't take much of an effort to lie. It would be for a good cause. I could die happy and she could go back the man she met first.

I know she doesn't love me, but she said she cares. If she cares then why is she leaving me die alone, the way only a monster deserves to? God, I want this pain to stop.

I see Alaric's face above mine, while the stake he's holding is closing in.

"Maybe if you and I had met first." So many wrong choices – so little time to choose one good memory with her before I finally die.

_I am laying in the middle of Wickery Bridge, trying to recall the reason I came back to this poor excuse of a town. _

"_I know Bonnie, you're right." This voice; I instantly turn my head to the right, in order to find the source of this beautiful voice. "You and my mom both are; I just can't bring myself to tell him - at least not tonight. I'll call you later."_

_I'm instantly standing in front of her, in complete awe. This can't be real. "Katherine."_

_She looks surprised and confused. "Um, no, I'm Elena."_

_You have got to be shitting me. She's honest and she's the spitting image of her. "Oh, you…you just look." I have no idea what to say. I'm thrilled. "I'm sorry. You just really remind me of someone. I'm Damon."_

"_Not to be rude or anything Damon, but, it's kind of creepy that you're here in the middle of nowhere."_

_She's being careful and she has every right to be. If she only knew what she was dealing with. But I'm not going to hurt her – I could never hurt her. _

"_You're the one to talk. You're out here all by yourself."_

_I give her the smirk that's been working wonders for centuries now and I can sense her loosing up. Her instinct is telling her she can trust me._

"_It's Mystic Falls, nothing bad ever happens here." Short silence before she decides to amuse me by talking again. I feel like I'm back in time – back to the time when, hearing the woman I lived for share her stories made me the happiest man on earth. "I got into a fight with my boyfriend."_

_I hate her boyfriend the moment she mentions him. "About what? May I ask?"_

_She shakes her head, helping me catch her scent. "Life, future – he's got it all mapped up."_

_I shrug. "And you don't want it?"_

_She shrugs back. "I don't know what I want."_

_But you do. "Now, that's not true. You want what everybody wants."_

"_What?" she asks in the voice a little child about to be shared a secret. She gives a small smile and my head spins. "A mysterious stranger who has all the answers?'_

_At this, I laugh. This girl is definitely not Katherine. "Well, let's just say I've been around a long time. I've learnt a few things."_

_She's blushing now and I'm having the time of my life. This is all too good to be happening to me._

"_So, Damon, tell me. What is that I want?"_

_So beautiful; you are so magnificently beautiful. And you have a heartbeat and a pulse. And you blush. Katherine couldn't blush. _

"_You want a love that consumes you. You want passion, adventure and even a little danger."_

_She seems captivated by my eyes and I know the attraction I'm feeling, she's feeling too. Deep down, she realizes, I can give her all that I mentioned._

"_So, what do you want?"_

_I thought I knew, but apparently I have no idea. Her parents' car appears in the distance and I know what I have to do. I hate doing what I have to and not what I want to. "It's my parents."_

_There is no time. "I want you to get everything you're looking for. But right now, I want you to forget this ever happened. Can't have people know that I'm in town yet."_

_I know that the look she gives me will change everything. I don't know how, I don't know when but these eyes will change my life. These are not Katherine's eyes. These are Elena's eyes._

"_Goodbye Elena."_

I recall my deepest, darkest secret in what seems like seconds and I don't know what sucks most. Is it the need to fight so that I can see her again, one last time? Or maybe it's the certainty that Rick is stronger and about to stake me.

What sucks most is what happens in the minute that follows. Rick starts dying in my hands without any particular reason. He is turning green, desiccating. This only means one thing. One fucked up, not possible thing.

The tears that I've been holding for one hundred and sixty years all explode at once and it feels like I'm out of my body, watching myself hold Rick's body in my hands as if it was Elena's, while all I can scream is desperate No-s.

* * *

I push Dr. Fell aside as I rush at the morgue in vampire speed. I came back motivated by the single, sick need to see Elena's dead body and kill everyone who was even the slightest responsible for her death. I came back as a monster. I didn't see straight, I was positive that if I opened my mouth it would be growls instead of words that would come out. And I would kill – I would kill and then I would step in the sun without my ring and follow her, without a glance back. But until that moment finally came, I needed to see for myself. Thus, I didn't kill Meredith the moment she stepped in front of me, mumbling some bullshit I wasn't interesting in hearing.

I didn't and now, as I am rushing towards her I can't believe what she's told me. She'd giver her blood. Elena had died with vampire blood in her system – with my blood in her system.

I hear her gasp for air before having the chance to knock the morgue's door down. I halt immediately. I rest my back on the wall, one door away from her, and fall down on the floor. It's ok. She's ok. This is not over.

I cry and cry and hope Stefan has sense enough not to open that door right now. I cry for her death, I cry because I know she'll hate this and I cry because of the relief I feel deep down. I cry and I thank that judgmental fucker up there for saving her.

* * *

_This is the chapter I need you to share your opinions on, in case you read it. Not because I'm some kind of review freak. I just want to know if you found it somehow enjoyable. I wrote this because the finale equaled Damon for me. It was his episode - he owned it, he was spectacular. I can't wait to continue this story for him only.  
_

_Thank you for reading my modest words. I truly appreciate it.  
Yours, S._


	6. Chapter 6

_this actually took forever. I have so many ideas, I have to sort them in my mind. Anyhow, thank you for being here._

* * *

_All Damon._

It feels like forever. It feels like an eternity has passed from the moment I heard her gasp for air and I sat down crying for all that, from that moment, had been officially lost.

But it has only been fifteen seconds. I got to cry and be mad at the world for fifteen seconds, before I had to force myself up and pull my shit together.

I can hear Elena breathe in and out uncontrollably from behind the door, still unaware of what's going on. Stefan is doing the best he can to calm her down, using soothing whispers and his hands to stop her from shaking. I wait another second; completely unaware of what is to come.

"Damon, please." Stefan calls, his voice urgent.

I open the door. There isn't much to see, really. If you put aside the fact that Elena is technically dead and we're inside a morgue, it's just another Mystic Falls typical, after-battle situation. I turn my eyes on my brother, too scared to even blink at Elena's terrified figure right now.

_How the hell am I going to tell her that she's dead? _Better yet, how did she die?

Stefan is as terrified as she is. He knows nothing about the vampire blood in her system. His hands are doing nothing to calm her shaking shoulders, because he's not in control of the situation. For all he knows, Elena should be dead and gone. His eyes are filled with unspoken questions and terror from the answers he's about to receive.

"Get a grip. I'll explain everything after we get her out of here."

Stefan nods and rubs Elena's back. There is too much going on and I don't take any time trying to read the emotions that dance in my brother's eyes. Instead, I face Elena. I wonder why she hasn't talked yet, but then again, it hasn't been as long as it seems. She's still steadying her breath and looking around, unable to name the room she's into. Finally, her eyes meet mine.

She seems surprised. She grabs Stefan's forearm, whose hand is still resting on her shoulder, and looks deep into his eyes.

"What's going on?"

Her voice is low and husky. I try to analyze every feeling that plays in her eyes, my mind urgently going through ways to calm her down the moment she finds out the truth – _if_ I get to be the one to calm her down.

"Everything is going to be alright. You are alright."

Stefan's voice is lacking confidence, but she can't sense that. She believes him, because she just woke up and she still feels human enough. She thinks she has been saved. There isn't enough light in this room to irritate her and her gums won't ache for, at least, another half an hour. She truly has no idea what has happened.

She is _so_ not going to like this.

"Is Matt alive?"

Stefan nods and the pieces of a puzzle I know I'll hate come together in my mind – slowly, as if to tease. Elena and Mat were together, I already know that. Apparently, both their lives were risked. _Why is Matt still alive? He should be dead – Elena practically is. _

"How did you save us both?"

I frown as I see Stefan throw me a glance and shake his head in a hurry. "We need to take you out of here. We have so many things to talk about."

"So it seems." I mutter in confusion and Stefan shoots me a look I can't quite put my finger on to name – something between fear, guilt, shame and disgust.

"Guys?" I take a step at Elena, involuntarily – only because I finally spot the trace of fear in her voice. The one I've been waiting on for about five minutes now. She's up on her own feet and seems to have finally realized where we are. "Why are we inside a morgue?"

"Funny you should ask that, I have the same question." I say, because stupid remarks have been my main mechanism against every difficult situation for centuries now. Elena looks puzzled as her eyes take in all the silver, hard beds where dead bodies are stored. "I guess Stefan will fill us both in on how exactly we ended up here."

Stefan's eyes remain on his feet as he nods. "After we get you home."

I can't help but agree with that. I wait for a moment, in case Stefan feels like playing the 'hero' role he recently claimed back. When he does nothing but stare at Elena, face pained and shocked, I realize I'll have to deal with two confused teenagers instead of one - so much for my brother being a hundred and sixty years old.

I snap my fingers at him, but I get a better reaction from Elena, who looks more than ready to leave this place. Of course she is – her body is tensed up and alarmed from the transition it's craving to complete.

"I'll go out first, find a car to take us home." I hope Stefan translated what I said to what I really meant – _I'll go out first, compel everyone who saw Elena's dead body enter the morgue to forget_. And thank Meredith – definitely do that.

"What about Jeremy? Where is he? And Matt?"

I roll my eyes in anticipation. Even in death, she won't take the time to think about her own well-being. I realize – terrible realization – that if she completes the transition – _of course she will, you asshole_ – she will be the most annoying, good natured vampire out there.

"I will call Jeremy; tell him to come at the Boarding House. Matt is resting in one of the hospital rooms. Do you want me to take you to him?"

Elena's frown deepens because she, too, starts realizing that something has gone terribly wrong. I know her face oh-too-well; I can practically tell what she's thinking. "_Why am I not resting in a hospital room_?" "_Why isn't Jeremy here, taking care of his survivor sister?"_ _"How come Damon's here, looking scared rather than pissed at me?" "Why is Stefan acting so off?"_

"We don't have time to do that." I interrupt her trail of thoughts, knowing she'd be more than pleased to go see Matt and worry about someone else instead of herself right now. But the clock is ticking and the more time we spend here, the harder the realization of what has happened will hit her. "Matt is alive – that's what matters. We _need_ to leave."

"He is right."

Thanks bro, for your life saving one-liners.

Elena nods and looks at him. "Are _you_ ok?"

After everything that has happened, the pain I feel when I see her staring at him with those eyes still stings the same. Stefan doesn't respond though. Instead, he gestures for me to leave, set our plan in motion. I turn to the door, but Elena's words pin me in place.

"Damon." I can't turn around to face her; not while knowing that, in a matter of minutes, she'll hate me. "I told you I'd see you soon."

Her voice is small, genuine and apologetic. She blames her confusion on the accident she's apparently had and I blame our last conversation on the phone for not being able to feel completely grateful for the fact she'll survive this. For the pessimist that I have become lately, this only means Elena's choice will now turn eternal. I let a small sigh leave my throat and I almost chuckle, because I know, the next time I see her she will be screaming and raging at my face.

* * *

Like I said – there was screaming and there was rage. Tears,_ obviously_. The parlor is crowded with familiar faces, all of which are freaking out about pretty much everything. I'm sitting back in my arm chair, drink in my hands, fighting really hard to keep my mouth shut and not kick them all out.

And to think, two hours ago, I was about to die.

Caroline is pacing back and forth, one moment crying about Tyler's death, screaming about Elena's and trying to convince her to just transition already. She halts from time to time, glares at me for help and then, when she sees I drink and do absolutely nothing, she starts again.

Bonnie is serious and more than competent to kill anyone who tries to talk to her. She's furiously reading her spell book, trying to find something – _anything_. To Bonnie, vampire Elena is simply not an option. _I will save you, my way. You won't have to transition –_ these were her exact words the moment she arrived and Elena practically shrieked the news at her. Her attempts are plain stupid and will get her nowhere, I know that.

The clock is ticking.

Elena is sitting on the couch, now crying silently. She went through everything in only twenty minutes. She laughed in disbelief, as if Stefan was telling her was some sick joke. She cursed, she threatened, she attempted suicide, (didn't respond well at my weak attempt to make her feel better by telling her she was already dead), she shouted and broke a couple of objects that were clearly standing in her way – _clearly_ – and, of course, she blamed herself for everything.

Jeremy's holding her hands, his face tormented with sadness but also washed with gratefulness. He's the one I can mostly relate with and I find that quite disturbing. Difference is, Jeremy isn't talking because he doesn't want to upset Elena any further. I am not talking because I'm saving everything when I'm alone with Stefan.

Which leads us…he's holding her hands and he hasn't uttered a single world either. He stares at his girlfriend, patiently waits for her choice. From time to time, his eyes meet mine and the feelings I see there haven't changed a bit. Fear, guilt, shame…he feels disgust. Only now I know why. He spilled the story in such a low voice we all had difficulty to follow. But, as he talked, I found myself picturing the scene almost perfectly. Rebecca had been the one to distract Matt – we knew that thanks to Elena's whimpers. Matt had lost control of the car then and they'd ended up flying off the bridge. I could see it as if watching a movie. Elena, trying to open a door, fighting with her seatbelt – fighting for her life and Matt's altogether. And then Stefan had come.

Stefan had come and he'd tried to get her out. No, he'd started getting her out. Elena had begged him to save Matt. Elena had begged and Stefan had obeyed. Stefan had saved Matt, while Elena was left there, having no one to hold her while losing her last breath.

It feels like Hiroshima in my chest. It's been like this from the moment Stefan uttered the words. I saw, from the silence that fell in the room the moment he confessed, everyone had a hard time believing it. Once again, it was Jeremy's face that betrayed the most anger.

That was the moment I stopped talking. I've been very careful not to let any emotion show on my face. I've drank a bottle of Bourbon and I've kept _extremely_ calm. And Stefan is the only one who seems to understand that my calmness is the best representative of the calm before the storm.

Storm is a very mild term to use.

"My gums hurt."

Five sets of eyes turn to her face. She says it matter of factly, because she very well remembers everything Vicky went though. She witnessed it then and she's living it now.

"Elena, honey, you need blood." Caroline's voice shakes and she comes to sit on the arm of my chair. I don't move, I don't even blink – I'm patiently waiting for Stefan to fuck everything up.

"How much time do I have?"

I can't believe how shattered and completely broken she looks, as she asks how much time she's been given to make the choice that will determine whether she lives forever or dies now. I can't believe how she went through hell and back in twenty short minutes and now she's sitting here, discussing this cold-bloodily, as if it's just another decision fate has thrown in her way.

"One hour, maybe one and a half before your body gives in."

Bonnie closes her book and comes to sit on the other arm of my chair. I know it in my guts I'm not her number one enemy anymore – I bet everything I own she holds Stefan responsible for what Elena's going through. Witchy is finally seeing straight.

"I am so hungry." Elena moans and rests on the couch, her eyes closed. She doesn't let go of Jeremy, who follows her body and rests his head on her chest, the way small children do. He's scared to death now and I think it's physically impossible for him to let go of Elena.

"Please, feed." Caroline begs. Bonnie's heartbeat speeds in frustration, but decides against talking. She lost the battle the moment her spells let her down.

"I don't want to be a vampire." Elena breaths and a new set of tears stream down her face.

"None of us did, Elena."

She opens her eyes and looks at Caroline. She knows she won't be alone in this. She knows she'll have it a lot easier than we did, than Caroline did. The only thing stopping her is her own stubbornness and fear and the need to be a martyr.

"Elena." Stefan breaths and I can't hold one really short flicker of hate show in my eyes. One none of them saw. "I need you to think this through. The choice is yours and yours only."

I open my mouth to shout at him but Jeremy beats me at it, the moment he sees Elena nod at his words. "Do you _want_ her to die? Are you doing this on purpose? Haven't you done enough?"

He stands up and furiously glares at Stefan, who keeps his eyes unfocused, figure broken.

"Jeremy, stop it." Elena warns, a bit louder than necessary. I can sense her irritation; her body's reaction to the blood that it is being denied. She can feel it too and she becomes rigid, scared to even move, probably recalling Vicky's crazed behavior.

"No Elena, you stop it! I know you think it's the end of the world, but it isn't. Please, _please_, accept it." Jeremy's voice breaks. "Don't leave me Elena. I beg you not to leave me."

I know the battle has been won. I can see it in her eyes. She'll do it for Jeremy. Not for Stefan, not for me – for her brother. A part of me calms now that I know she'll complete the transition. Now I can focus my attention to Stefan completely.

"What do you think, Damon?" Caroline asks, while resting a hand on my shoulder. I know Blondie is team Stefan all the way, but with that simple gesture she lets me know that I need to have a say in this. I finish my drink and stand up. I don't want her touching me. I don't want Bonnie finally on my side. I don't want to develop a connection of any kind with Jeremy. _I don't want a say in this_. All I want is for them to hate me the way they used to; all I want is for Elena to stay human.

"Doesn't matter what I think Blondie. Never did." Stefan's eyes follow me as I pace around. "Jeremy and Bonnie, please go lock yourselves inside a room until Elena transitions completely. We don't want things to get messy. You," I point at Caroline, who is more than ready to help with this, "you go fetch a blood bag from downstairs." Caroline runs in human speed as I give my final command. "Stefan, go wait in my room; we don't want you freaking out over human blood."

I turn to look at them. Most faces are solemn, as if some kind of holey ritual is about to take place. Elena's face is desperate though, completely pained.

"Anyone has any complaints?" I pause dramatically. "Any last minute secret plan that will ruin this too?"

Silence. "Good. Off you go then."

Jeremy hugs his sister tightly before heading up the stairs. "I'll see you soon sis." Elena nods and cries in his shoulder, but then shoves him away. Jeremy thinks it's because of the emotions but I know it's because of the hunger. Now she's way too hungry. Bonnie says nothing. She gives her friend a kiss on the cheek and takes in her last image as a human being.

"I'm sorry Bonnie. I know you hate this. I hate it, too. But I have to do it, for Jeremy." Her broken voice is worse than her tears. It scratches my dead heart and lungs.

"Do it for all of us Elena. I love you and you're still going to be Elena when I see you again."

Stefan only stops for one moment before following them. He looks at her face and I know he's doing the same thing I am – registering her last image as a human deep inside his memory. "I am sorry. I am so very sorry."

"Go. See you in a few." She manages a smile. She gives him a freaking smile, despite everything. _Why didn't I just die?_ "I love you."

He leaves and we are left alone for about three seconds before Caroline comes rushing upstairs, a bag of O negative in her hands.

* * *

We are both waiting for her to drink. She holds the bag in her hands and stares at it in complete hunger. I feel hungry too, only by the sight of her. I can't believe I'm about to witness Elena Gilbert turn into a vampire. I know it won't change anything – I will love her all the same, probably some more, it that's even possible. It just seems surreal – too big of a deal to be done here, in my living room, with Blondie and myself watching. I see her bring the bag closer to her mouth and breathe in, unintentionally.

_Here goes nothing_.

But then, she lets the bag down. My head fills with a deafening drumming sound that means one thing only: panic. I panic at the thought that she's changed her mind. I glance at Blondie, who is just as astonished as I am and is shaking her head in disbelief.

"These are my last moments as a human." Elena states, completely calm. Not like she has the one thing that will control her existence forever in her hands – master of her hunger. I can't help but wonder if her self control will intensify as a vampire. That would definitely come handy.

She looks at me, _really_ looks at me, from the moment she woke up in the morgue, and her eyes water.

"I need you to know some things and I need you to give me some promises." I nod without even realizing. "I told you I love Stefan and that still stands."

Because she never misses the chance to rub it in my face. "You want to tattoo that somewhere, while you still got the chance? Just in case someone _somewhere_ hasn't heard you say it."

I know I shouldn't spend my last minutes with her fighting, but I can't help it. It feels like she's doing everything on purpose. She doesn't look hurt though and I'm glad that Blondie isn't interfering with what she's about to say.

"_Anyhow_, you need to know, I regret nothing that has happened between us. I don't regret you being here with me now. I know you'll hate this, but you _became_ the better man Damon. For this reason, I want you to promise me you won't leave town."

I need a drink. I need blood. For the first time after a long time, I feel I need to feed on a human. "I can't give you that promise. Now, feed please."

"Damon. I want to do this right. I refuse to be like Stefan – hell, I _won't_ be like Stefan. The only person that can teach me self control is you. Stefan can't, Caroline is way too young. I won't be able to do this without you Damon."

Of course, she's right. Maybe I should tell her how ironic it is that the moment she decides to let me go, fate brings us back together. And the moment she goes back to Stefan, she dies. _Ha-ha_.

"Fine."

"Promise me."

I'll do it, because the guilt for what's happening to her will creep into me sooner or later and that is the only way to make things right. Of course, it isn't the real reason. "I promise I won't leave town until you've completely mastered self control. Now, drink."

She nods. She's getting weak. She needs to drink _immediately_. She smiles a weak smile to a tearful Caroline and raises her index finger to her lips, as if to shush both of us for whatever if about to happen next. She looks at me intensely and comes closer. If I say I have the slightest idea on what she's doing, my pants will be on fire. I see her approach me; an old, classic Elena smile on her lips and I know I have no power whatsoever to stop her. She stands in front of me, takes my face in her hands and before I realize, brushes her lips on mine. Softly, slowly – childishly; she opens her mouth for a second, in order to touch my lips with her tongue. Before I can deepen the kiss – _you really thought I wouldn't try to?_ – she steps down.

"One last human kiss." She whispers in my ear. "I'm sorry for all the hurt I've caused you."

Then, she runs at the blood bag, scared she'll change her mind and when I open my eyes, trying to grasp what happened, I see her on the floor, the bag empty – her eyes dark, veins visible underneath them and fangs slowly, but visibly, growing inside her mouth.

My Elena is a vampire.

* * *

_You know why I can't wait for season 4? (Except for DE) I can't wait to see D beat the shit out of Stefan for letting Elena die. That's all I've got to say.  
_

_Thank you for reading. Hope you enjoyed. I appreciate every review you take the time to make. See you soon. xoxo, S._


	7. Chapter 7

_Elena's POV_

The most absurd thing is happening. Time is running fast and slow, at the same time. I can see everything, but register nothing at all. My mind is blank, numb. It seems like my senses work properly, but my brain isn't able to receive the electric impulses that offer images, smells or consciousness. Shock – that's what's happening to me.

I remember Caroline giving me two more blood bags. I remember the sight of them and the fulfilling emotion human blood gave me as it run through my veins – better than any orgasm I've ever had. I vaguely remember Damon telling Caroline to stop feeding me. I remember throwing him a hateful look, while veins pumped blood right beneath my once human eyes – Damon telling me that if I wanted to see Jeremy and Bonnie anytime soon I needed to calm down, even if for a while. I remember him sitting next to me, whispering soothing words just so that I could gain some self control; Caroline giving me a clean t-shirt and whipping my face from blood before going upstairs to bring my brother to me.

Now, Jeremy is watching my every move as if I'm a ticking bomb, but with a relieved smile on his face. The kind of face that says: Now _that I made sure you live, I have to make sure you don't eat me._ He's on the floor, back resting on the armchair Damon was sitting in seconds before. I am placed between Caroline and Bonnie, both hugging and kissing me. I can't feel much – in fact, I can't feel anything. I see them all here, around me and I don't feel gratitude or compassion. All I know is that I can smell Bonnie's blood. That's all I'm capable of – smelling blood. I know Damon is downstairs feeding and I fight the strong urge to join him.

Stefan's not here. I don't know where he is, but I don't feel like being with him either. Maybe I've shut off my emotions, without even realizing I did it. I thought it would all be very powerful and overtaking, but there's nothing.

I push Bonnie away gently the moment her smell in my nostrils becomes too much to handle and I feel fangs appear. Before I know it, Caroline has her in the kitchen and Jeremy is on his feet, face tense.

Caroline is back, holding my face in her hands. "Are you hungry again?" her voice is small, understanding. Her eyes show nothing but love, compassion, caring.

I'm not hungry. I know I'm not. I've drank three blood bags already. It was just instinct – wanting to take my best friend's blood was just an instinct. I shudder and hug Caroline tightly.

"Oh my God, Caroline. Oh my God! I wanted to kill her. I'm a monster!"I shriek.

Tears I can't control start streaming down my face before feeling Damon's strong hands encircle my waist and his eyes demand my attention. He stares at me, his serious look enough to stop me from shouting nonsense and crying uncontrollably. He takes in a deep breath and I do the same, only to find out I don't really need air anymore.

"Listen to me." I'm all ears. "You didn't try to kill _anyone_. The vampire in you wanted to feed, you get that?"

"I'm not even hungry." I claim, panic in my voice again. How the hell am I going to control feeling like this, _all the time_?

To that, he gives me an incredulous look – one of the many he owns. "Of course you're hungry. You thought three blood bags would do the trick?" he glances at Caroline who immediately leaves. _Can they read each other's thoughts now?_ "Elena, you have just transitioned. Blood is your body's number one priority right now."

He lets go of my shoulders and takes a few steps backwards. He gives me a small smirk. "I am proud of you."

_Did he just say proud?_ I thought my sense of hearing would be heightened, but there is no way I got this right. "Proud?"

Jeremy chuckles behind me, probably because of my voice. I believe it's something between amazement, shock and one step away from shouting and yelling and screaming.

"The vampire in you wanted to feed and _you,_ Elena, you pushed your friend away so you couldn't hurt her; A half an hour old vampire controlling its primal, vital, _strongest_ instinct." His smirk turns into a genuine smile and when I turn around I see Jeremy mirrors Damon's face perfectly. "Are you sure you're not trying really hard to master self control, so I can get the hell out of town?"

He intends his last comment to be a joke, but I can sense a slight hint of hurt in his voice. His smirk is gone completely the moment Caroline storms in, another blood bag in her hands. "Here's a small reward for not feeding on your best friend."

The blood bag is dried before anyone blinks. I sit on Damon's armchair and keep my eyes closed until I'm confident the fangs are in place and my eyes have turned somewhat normal. I hear Bonnie step in and from the tone of her voice I can tell she doesn't hate me yet.

"You can all sit on the couch _there_." I order and point at the other side of the room. Bonnie nests her face in Caroline's neck and I can finally understand what a heroine Caroline has been from the moment she turned. Only now I can fully grasp the concept of hunger and admire her for resisting it so skillfully in such a short time. Damon's gone again and I try to catch any sound coming out of Stefan's room; once again, nothing.

"I thought I would be able to hear and see and feel everything." I say, somehow pissed. This numbness inside me is starting to piss me off.

Caroline gives me a half-hearted smile. "You _are_ able. You just need to concentrate – try and let go of the hunger for a while."

_That's not possible_. It's there, it's been there from the moment the first drop of blood touched my tongue. Half an hour later and I can't imagine a time in the distant future when I won't be hungry, constantly.

I'm about to tell Caroline that letting go of the hunger will be an issue, when Jeremy's eyes turn wary. "Elena, promise me that whatever happens you won't shut off your emotions."

I know he's thinking about the option because he wanted to be a vampire once for this exact reason. Everything he'd been through – all the pain, all the loss and the tears – he would have been able to make them disappear, if only his plans in dying had succeeded. The memory of the pain and relief I felt when Stefan told me Jeremy wasn't dead, a year ago, comes crashing in now. My brother thinks I'll follow the easy way but I know for sure there is no easy way. There's the right way and the wrong way. And I plan to do this right.

"I will never, Jer." I reassure. "I'll take care of you. I promise I won't let you down."

He nods at my words and I try to do the impossible – I try to let go of my hunger and concentrate on getting my senses back. I close my eyes and focus my attention in trying to hear what's going on upstairs. I slowly catch Bonnie and Jeremy's breathing, their heartbeats, their blood rush. I catch two other heartbeats, that don't belong to any mortals. They're slow, almost bored. They belong to them. I hear a pair of footsteps pacing around a room, probably Damon's considering the position of the house they come from, and then, finally, I hear their voices.

I open my eyes, now able to take everything in without trying hard and glance at Caroline, in front of me, who is listening as well. We lock eyes and wait.

* * *

_Damon's POV_

I head upstairs the moment I make sure Elena is calm and capable of suppressing her needs, at least for a while. I know that if anything goes wrong, Caroline will be able to hold things off so I can storm down and take matters in my hands. I need to be firm and prepared for everything. I need to be serious about this and, for once in my life, not fail her. And I know I won't be able until I say what I have to say to Stefan.

I enter the room and see him sitting on the edge of my bed, face hiding in his hands, completely silent and still. I close the door behind me and lean against it. I see my brother's body stiffen even more – though I didn't think it was possible – and finally look up. His eyes are holding so much and I instantly know he's suffering a great deal of pain. _Good_.

"I know you're furious." He whispers matter of factly. "I know you want to kill me."

I let a chuckle escape my throat and glue my back on the door, so I don't lose it and give him the satisfaction of killing him. "Nah, I'm not furious Stefan." I make it sound like we're having some light argument about a movie. "I'm just trying to figure out what was going on inside that stupid little head of yours when you let your _girlfriend_ die."

He stares at me, scared, for the first time in a very long time. He has every right to be. My voice drips danger, anger, and desire to stake him. "I don't know." he breaths slowly. "I honestly, _do not know."_

"This only leaves me wondering whether I should be civilized about the matter _or_ I should deal with it like the monster you all know and hate." The smirk that takes place in my face pains my muscles and I can't help myself. I unglue my back from the door and take one dangerous, small step forwards. Stefan does nothing. He stands there, completely aware that he deserves whatever's coming for him. "_Your girlfriend,_ you know, the one you practically murdered, taught me how to be the better man. Stake you. _Yes_, that is what the civilized, better man would do."

I start pacing around, mostly talking to myself aloud; considering my options, trying to arrange my thoughts. Stefan's eyes don't leave my pacing figure once. He keeps his eyes fixated on me, trying to predict my moment of explosion.

"But, then again, she's your girlfriend. Not mine." The words that come out of my mouth find their way back on my chest, like deadly arrows. They hurt. "I don't have to obey her. I am more than free to be a monster. Do you know what the monster inside me wants, Stefan?"

He doesn't say a world. He seems as if he's in a trance, following my every movement like the snake that dances for its magician. "The monster wants to plant vervain inside your stomach, take every sun ray and shove it up your ass and stake every centimeter of your body except from your heart, so I have the chance to torture you every day for the rest of eternity."

"You think I don't want that?"

"I am so very proud to say I have no idea what you want or what you think. _Damn_, I thought I had a sick mind and selfish temperament but you, _brother_…you took this to a _whole, new level_."

My pace speeds up along with my rage – the rage I'm fighting so hard to keep down.

"What was I supposed to do Damon? Let Matt die!" he shouts and steps forward. He's mostly screaming to himself, giving his pained consciousness excuses so he doesn't feel worse than he already does. I don't care though – all I want is for him to react so I actually have fun when I kick his ass.

"Don't you _dare_ shout at me, Stefan! Don't you dare ask what I would have done." I yell back at his face and he falls back on the bed, limbs shaking. I know there will be no stopping now that I let out the first sparkle of angler I've been feeling. "_I_ would have saved _her_. _I_ would have taken them both out. Why didn't you get them both out?" I almost scream.

"I wasn't strong enough." He cries. His face is buried in his hands again, his shoulders shaking. "I haven't been drinking human blood."

I roll my eyes so hard my skull hurts. "On or off human blood, all you do is fucking destroy _everything_. Drinking it, you wanted to throw her off the bridge. Not drinking it, you let her drown. What is wrong with you?"

I'm shouting and I can't believe Elena hasn't stormed in, trying to save her precious Stefan, yet. She's most definitely listening to everything we're saying. Our voices are loud enough to be heard by human ears too.

"I don't know, Damon. I just…I didn't want her to hate me afterwards."

"You…" I mutter as I approach him furiously, while all I see is red. "You, selfish fucker!"

I give my brother a shove strong enough to land him across the room, on the wall. I feel I need air, weirdly enough, so I just breathe in heavily. "You should have thought about that before falling for her."

He lets his body hit the floor and stay there, as if paralyzed.

"It's funny, I didn't even blame you when she called to tell me '_it's_ _always going to be Stefan_'." He gives me an incredulous look from the ground. "Yeah, she did, don't act so surprised."

I turn my back at him and head at the door, panting and fighting myself for control. "How could I blame _you_, when the entire fault was mine?" I keep talking so I don't have to act my anger on him. "I did this to myself. She could have been mine – no sweat. But I was too busy chasing after Katherine, so I handed you Elena on a silver platter. I honestly thought you deserved her – her pureness, her gentleness, her kindness. I acted selflessly again and _again_ _and again_ only to have you let her die."

Tears – freaking tears. This whole emotional thing is getting ridiculous. I turn around, ready to find something pointy and wooden and stake him.

"Damon…" Stefan warns, on his feet. "Trust me, I have no specific desire to be alive right now, but killing me won't do her any good."

"Trust you?" I ask tilting my head to the side and letting vampirism appear on my face. "One summer you were gone Stefan and I kept her as safe as it gets. Now, she's a vampire. Excuse me, if I can't find it in myself to _trust_ you anymore."

With this I rush to him in inhuman speed and pin him against the wall, my grip tight on his neck. He doesn't fight me off and I growl and howl and fight with the small voice in my head telling me not to kill my brother. But, another small voice does the trick far better.

"Enough!"

She's not screaming; she's not even trying to break my hold on him. All I know is that she's standing in the middle of my room, eyes wide, face expressionless. Caroline is one step closer, ready to take part in the fight if necessary. I relax my grip but keep my eyes focused on Stefan's. Neither one of us dares to look at her or leave each other's eyes.

"You are a poor excuse of a man Stefan." I almost spit on his face. "And yes, you should have let him die. You should have chosen _Elena_."

I let him go completely and look at my feet. Now she'll hate me. Now she'll completely and totally hate me. _Fuck_.

"Get out of my room, please. All of you."

I see Elena take Stefan's hand and lead him through the door. "Come on, we all need to get some rest. Go wait for me in your room."

They all leave except from her. She watches me with her arms folded across her chest and I decide my shoes are a good enough spot to concentrate my anger right now.

"Can I have another blood bag before leaving? I don't want to be craving any once we're home with Jeremy."

"You're not leaving. Both of you can stay here, so you don't have to worry about your little problem. And yes, you can have another one."

She doesn't object at my offer, apparently terrified at the idea of being alone with a very eatable Jeremy.

"Come with me downstairs?"

"Sure. "

I don't know why she's talking to me after what I said for Matt, but she is and I'm not going to ruin this. It's probably because I'm the only person she can depend on helping her get through this. I follow her downstairs, but not before she shoots a look at Stefan's closed bedroom door.

"I feel grateful that he found the strength to do what he did. I feel thankful that he saved Matt."

I growl and look forward to go hunting – _real_ hunting. "Elena Gilbert, always the martyr."

"Will you forgive him someday?"

I look at her face and have the decency to lie so she doesn't get hurt. I do for her what she didn't do for me when I most needed it – lie and tell me that I deserve her love as much as Stefan does.

"Eventually, I will; only because you're fine."

"Your concept of fine is absurd, but ok, I'll take it."

"It's just a tiny little problem, Elena. You've been through worse."

The first hint of a real laugh appears on her face and I can't help but feel smug that I've always been the one to put a smile on both her human and vampire existence. We pass the parlor, where Caroline is filling Bonnie and Jeremy in and head downstairs to have a _drink_ together.

My senses are heightened along with hers. I see her walk in front of me and I know I love her all the more – irrevocably; foolishly.

_This will be one hell of a ride._

* * *

_I honestly don't know if this is good enough. I just didn't want to postpone this any longer and since I'm heading to Greece tomorrow, this was my only chance. Maybe some of you will think that Damon's reaction to what Stefan did was a bit too harsh, but I honestly believe he will be REALLY pissed at him. (I also think they will get through it, together, so don't be too mad.) Irrelevant spoiler: next chapter, Elena remembers. :) And then, the fun truly begins. Thank you for reading my humble words. If you want to add anything, criticize, tell me how much I suck at this (:P) don't hesitate to review. Yours, S. _


	8. Chapter 8

_Author's note on this chapter: I didn't include the Wickery Bridge meeting in Elena's dream/flashback, because I already wrote it down some chapters ago. You're gonna have to take the fact Elena got both her memories back for granted, because, well, she did. Enjoy reading :)_

* * *

_Elena's POV_

I make my way to Stefan's room and close the door behind me. He's lying on the bed, all still and dead-like. His chest is bare and his jeans hang low on his waist, but there is no sign of perfect stomach muscles clenching, because he's not breathing.

"Is the thought of going through eternity with me _that_ bad?" I mutter and sit on the bed, carefully. I can see he's tormented and heading to depress. But, in typical Stefan-selfless-behavior, he gets up all the same and faces me. His eyes hold nothing but sadness, regret and guilt. I try to remember the last time I saw him genuinely happy and smiling but I come out blank. I also try to recall the last time he made _me_ laugh and want to live life but I have no recent memories of that either.

"Don't try to make this easy for me. I don't deserve it." He absently stares at his bookshelves, too righteous to even look me in the eyes. Or maybe too scared of what he'll find in them.

"Honestly, I'm doing it for me." He flinches at my cut-the-emotional-bullshit tone. "I don't know how much of your brooding I can take anymore."

He lies back down and keeps silent, so I do the same. We haven't shared a bed in almost a year but, as my head touches the pillows, I don't feel the need to hold him for dear life. I'm still in denial over everything and, if given the chance, I'd get rid of my own skin. I need sleep and I need blood. These are my only cravings and at the thought of anything else, I suffocate.

"Elena." He whispers. "I will never forgive myself for doing this to you."

I sigh and turn my head to look at his troubled profile. He's staring at the ceiling, eyes wide open. _I need sleep. _I shut my mind up and try to sound as un-tired as I possibly can.

"Stefan, listen to me. I don't feel the need nor have the right to blame you. If it wasn't for you, Matt would be dead right now." The thought only terrifies me. "You did what I asked you to do. Please, stop torturing yourself."

Ok, I know this explanation won't do him any good, but I can feel my eyelids closing and every coherent thought leaving my mind. I'll spend years trying to make him feel better, if that's what it takes. I'll try my best to mend their relationship, too – but first, I need to let go of this horrible reality for tonight and have some peace of mind.

"Damon wouldn't have let this happen."He whispers, guiltily, before resting his hand on my waist, the moment I turn my back to him. The touch is distant; I only feel it because of my newly gained vampire senses and as I drift off to sleep I know that what he's saying is true. Damon's power would have probably saved us both – not that it matters now. Stefan did what he could.

"Well, you're not Damon."

_Did this come out as an accusation? Shit, I hope not. _I don't get much time to dwell on it. In three seconds, dreams consume me.

_My dreams have me reliving the night Stefan and Damon saved me from Elijah- the first time. I'm standing in front of my bathroom's mirror, scared and relieved and the weirdest thing is happening. I know I'm dreaming, but very aware of the fact that this has actually happened as well. It's like I'm experiencing some long-lost memory and I get that irritating déjà-vu feeling. _

_I step inside my room only to find Damon there, all in black and sexy as hell. _

"_Cute PJ-s." He says and gives me the most adorable grin ever – almost like a teenager caught in some inappropriate act. It's hard for me to be mad and surprised with his presence in my room, but I try my best – as always. _

"_I'm tired Damon." Not like he cares. He gets up and holds my necklace in his hand, smiling like a freaking superhero. _

"_I brought you this." He approaches dangerously and I can't hold my surprise back._

"_I thought that was gone." He only wiggles an eyebrow and keeps silent, the necklace still midair between the two of us. "Thank you."_

_The moment I stretch my hand to take it, he moves his back, keeping the necklace – my vervain, no compulsion necklace – out of reach. I freeze, in terror of what might be crossing his mind while he holds the only thing keeping me from becoming a slave to any vampire. "Please, give it back."_

"_I just have to say something." He whispers and takes a step forward; I gasp for air, completely terrified._

"_What do you have to say with my necklace?" Oh God. Oh my God, this so very bad._

_He looks lost and trying to choose the right words to utter. "Well…I guess, what I'm about to say is probably the most selfish thing I've ever said in my life."_

_Oh shit. "Damon, don't go there." This has started to become a real problem for me – his feelings; or maybe, my feelings. I feel for him too. _

"_No, I just have to say it once." His hands move in frustration and he closes the space between us. "You just need to hear it." He holds my eyes and all of a sudden I'm too lost in the blue of his stare to deny him anything. _

"_I love you, Elena. And it's because I love you that I can't be selfish with you. Why I can't do this." His face shows nothing but pain and all I feel is need to take that pain away, in any way that I can. "I don't deserve you. But my brother does."_

_He takes one last step forward and presses his lips on my forehead, longingly. He then stares down at me, but I have nothing to say. All the words have been chocked down my throat. "God, I wish you didn't have to forget this. But you do." _

_As he compels me to forget, a tear escapes his eye. _

I don't know how much time has passed from the minute I fell asleep. It feels like years. My body jerks up violently and for a moment I have no idea where I am or what's going on. My mind is replaying my last two dreams endlessly. No, they weren't dreams – _memories_; memories that had been taken away by the same person who starred in both of them.

"_You want a love that consumes you."_

Stefan's up instantly too. He touches my back tenderly but I can't concentrate on what he's saying. I feel like my head is about to explode. That night in Wickery Bridge – that particular memory; that was from the night my parents died. That memory was from two years ago, when I was still looking for a way out from my relationship with Matt. From the time when I wanted a fresh start.

"Elena!" Stefan's shout forces me out of my shaking trance and I look at him. "Elena, what's wrong?" he softens and keeps rubbing my back.

"It was just a dream."

"Ok." He breathes. "It's ok. Lay down; I'm right here, there's nothing to worry about."

I want to, I really do, but I can't. I need to think really hard about what I just saw. I need to replay every little thing of the two visions before they go in oblivion, the way it unfortunately happens with memories.

"Stefan? Would you mind it if I slept in one of the guest rooms tonight?"

He frowns. He is obviously worried about me and he wants to keep me under surveillance, just in case something happens. "Well, it's almost dawn but, ok, if that's what you want."

"It's what I need. I need some time to myself. I need to cry and be mad." And I mean those words more than everything.

"Elena, you can cry in front of me." He sighs but quickly lets the matter go. "But, I know you need space. We all do. Just try and storm downstairs if you need blood, ok? Or, just call my name – we've got to think of Jeremy."

I nod, give him a small kiss on the lips and leave the room as fast I can. I get inside the one next to Damon's and slam the door behind me. Finally, I let anger fill every pore of my body, sleep completely gone.

_That son of a bitch – which I met first – messed with my mind. _

* * *

_Damon's POV_

Two long, mind-fucking days have passed since the night Elena transitioned and at this point, I'm about a hundred percent sure that she remembers _everything_. Not having to do any math of my own, her move-bitch-get-out-of-the-way behavior says it all. There I was, thinking that we'd bond over how miserable our lives are and have steamy make out sessions while hunting together.

In case you're wondering, yes, my mind is completely ignoring the fact that she chose Stefan. Can't help it, it comes naturally. Anyway, that fantasy only lasted an hour or so.

Hint #1 proving that she remembers and is _very_ pissed: She woke up her first morning as a vampire requesting to see Matt. We were all sitting in the kitchen, Jeremy totally calm and cool between the three of us. I've got to give it to him, the kid has spunk. Anyhow, I reminded her how she couldn't go out in the daylight yet.

"Well, aren't you going to do something about it?" She asked, her eyes throwing daggers. I didn't put much thought at her tone, assuming she was only dealing with her hunger and distress.

"Sure. I'll call Bonnie and have her make you a ring or something."

"Maybe you'll compel her to do it." Her voice came out in a growl but I didn't have the time to answer before Jeremy interrupted, completely ignorant to his sister's apparent frustration.

"Elena, he won't have to compel her. Bonnie will be more than pleased to help you." He rolled his eyes at his sister's words and I just sat there, confused and slightly amused with the glare Elena was still dedicating me. Stefan hugged her then and I stormed out before having to witness their morning intersections.

Hint #2 proving that she remembers and is _very_ pissed: Later that day, she was resting on the bed of the guest room next to mine, gossiping with Bonnie and Caroline. I heard Bonnie gasp and Caroline mutter: "_No, he didn't!_" before cracking the door open and looking inside.

"I thought you wanted to see Matt."

I got vicious looks from the three of them, only that Bonnie's was also somehow amused and Caroline's forgiving. "I just needed to feed first."

I noticed the blood bag in her hand and nodded. "With your rhythm, we'll be short on blood by tomorrow."

"Oh I'm sure you'll find someone to compel and feed from." She answered in an instant and both Caroline and Bonnie looked away, chuckling lightly. I narrowed my eyes, the realization of what she was and what happened with your memories once you became a vampire hitting me like a bitch-slap. _Keep your cool._

"I don't need to compel anyone for _that_, Elena. I have girls begging me to bleed them dry so they can feel my lips on their neck, _everyday_."

At that, she stared, shocked. "Whatever. I have my ring, I'll go visit Matt with Caroline and Bonnie."

I glanced at her besties and exhaled lightly. What a trio. Caroline the vampire, trying her best not to think about Tyler's death, was evidently struggling with her own grief while putting on a happy face for Elena. Bonnie…well, was Bonnie. Only darker; yes, while I took the time to notice her, there was definitely something going on inside those eyes of her, totally in contrast with the rest of her let's-pretend-nothing's-wrong features. Eh, who was I to judge either way?

"Fine. Blondie, can you take care of her?"

She nodded and I left, but not before earning one last deadly look from Elena.

Hint #3 proving that she remembers and is _very_ pissed: I'd just fed on some brunette in a distant bar and Stefan was away, feeding on Bugs Bunny, too. I'd only seen him once and I couldn't be more excited. I overheard them this morning, Elena telling him that she'd asked me to stay and help her. He'd been understanding and oh-so-nice and I couldn't help it but break one of my Bourbon glasses.

Anyway, the moment I realized it was just the two of us in the now always-crowded house, I stormed in her room. She had music blasting out of her I-Pod jack and was lying in bed, wearing nothing but shorts and her bra.

"What the hell are you doing?" she shouted and put on a shirt in vampire speed. She froze at her own movement; apparently she hadn't intended it.

"No, what the hell are _you_ doing?" I said and leaned at her door frame.

She gave me a dirty look and by then I knew the memories were back and she was dealing with them in typical Elena behavior. "I'm trying really hard to avoid hearing everything happening in a kilometer radius. I'm trying not to be blinded by the freaking light."

Her tone was almost frantic as I noticed how low the lightning in the room was. She'd lowered it on purpose. I felt bad for her, she must have been going crazy and she was left all alone. "Where's Jeremy?"

"He went to grab us some clothes from the house."

"Why are you staying in this room? I thought you were all devoted to Stefan now."

"_I am_." She stepped forwards, eyes angry. "I don't have to explain myself to you."

I threw my hands up in surrender. "Let's not get carried away now, shall we? I was just making small talk here. Honestly, I couldn't care less about where you sleep."

"Oh, is that why you had every memory of you being loving and decent taken away from me? You can't stand being the good guy, can you?" her stare was murderous as I laughed and tried my best to look nonchalant.

"I don't know what you're talking about. Anyhow, I'd say I was pretty good to you in Denver."

I gave her a wink before we both heard the front door open and close and Jeremy's beating heart make its way upstairs. "Try not to kill you brother, will you?" I said and run inside my bedroom, unable to see the object she threw in my direction in complete furiousness.

Now, I know I haven't been very helpful in all this. But I can see she's mad and that, no matter what I say or do, she'll overlook the fact I met her first and cried while expressing my love and focus on the fact that I compelled her and didn't respect her free will. So, as I make my way downstairs today, I've decided I'll just avoid this altogether and let it go. I heard Stefan kissing her goodnight last night and even though it was quick and sloppy, it was still a kiss. One that made me want to burn the house down.

Witchy and Blondie are here and they're all talking together, making it impossible for me to catch a word they're saying. They stop the moment I appear and throw me mysterious looks.

"If you're going to spend your entire time here, you might as well move in, too. It's not like we're in need of any privacy." I grab the glass of Bourbon of Elena's hands and take it down in one gulp.

"Hey, that was mine."

"No, it's _mine_. Plus, it's bad for your health."

"I'm _dead_ Damon. Health issues can fuck off."

I smirk at her vocabulary and roll my eyes. She's still dealing, obviously. The only thing she's done these past couple of days is yell around, be bossy and cry all of a sudden. "Well, go get ready. We're going hunting."

"Oh great, I'm coming too." Caroline bounces up, all ready to join us.

"Sit down, Barbie. Elena's going _real_ hunting. Fortunately, she has a better tutor than you did." I smirk and enjoy their reaction to my words. Bonnie gasps and her eyes fill with accusation, while Caroline's mouth takes the perfect shape of an "O", before sitting down, defeated and slightly repulsed.

"Excuse me." Elena's voice is low and threatening. "Real hunting as in people hunting?"

"Exactly." Her eyes become slits and before I know it, she has me pressed against the wall, eyes black and fangs out. She growls and hisses at my face, her straight hair flying around. I enjoy the view for a moment before I pin her on the ground, my knees securing her lower body and my hands holding her wrists in place. Both Caroline and Bonnie stand still and watch as if in the cinema.

"How many times do I have to tell you? _Don't ever try that again_." I grip her wrists tightly when she tries to fight my hold on her and I'm suddenly very aware of the position we're in. A position I've dreamed of sharing with her countless times.

"You're crazy if you think I'll hunt people." She screams.

"And you're crazy if you think you can still boss me around." I shout back. "You asked for my help; we're doing this _my_ way. I say we hunt people, we hunt people. I say you do as I say, _you do as I say_. If you have a problem with that, go run to Stefan." I release my grip the moment I see she starts panting. She doesn't move after I release her wrists completely and the way her chest is moving and her eyes are staring at me, sends me back to that motel room in Denver. "But don't come running back to me when he fails you."

I move my body and let her get up. If I keep it up much longer I'll probably lash out and kiss her. She catches her breath and fixes her clothes, while keeping her eyes on the floor. _Enough with the bossing around_ _or she'll take your advice and ask for your brother's help for real._

"Besides, I won't let you kill anyone Elena." My voice is some degrees lower now and very _very_ soft. She looks at me tentatively and her eyes soften too. "Just trust me on this one. You'll be the only vampire with a clean record out there, I promise."

She nods. "I'll be down in a minute."

I see her go upstairs and then sit down, patiently waiting. Blondie and Witchy are staring, both their faces amused and smiling. "What are you two staring at? Don't you have boyfriends to mourn, people to judge?"

"Ah, Damon." They both say, like they have something I don't know figured out and make their way to the front door. "Tell Elena we'll come back later tonight."

"Of course you are." I roll my eyes and listen to Elena changing clothes upstairs. With some luck I'll get to spend some quality time with her in less than ten minutes; if you consider finding the right human to feed on quality time. I know I do.

* * *

_Here. Your amazing reviews on the last chapter made me write super-fast. I want you to know I've read and smiled at every comment you made - you have no idea how appreciated you make me feel. I also want to apologize for any vocab or grammar mistakes - I'm a grammar nazi but I'm also very alone at editing this and my eyes fail me sometimes. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Next one is all about D and E hunting together and getting to talk about the compulsion. Let me know what you thought, OK? Thank you for being here. Yours, S. _


	9. Chapter 9

_All Damon_

With Wickery Bridge laid in front of us in all its killing glory, Elena shifts nervously in the passenger seat.

"Remind me again, _why_ exactly, are we getting out of Mystic Falls?" she shuts her eyes closed, refusing to take as much as a glance of the place where, three days ago, she died.

"_Because_," I mutter, impatiently "you're supposed to be in shock and dealing with your accident. Do you think people wouldn't notice you all healthy and gorgeous around town, while Matt's still recovering in the hospital?"

She rolls her eyes, probably at the term 'healthy' and keeps them opened when she notices we've left the bridge behind. "That reminds me, you won't be visiting Matt any longer. He can come see you at the Boarding House when they release him."

I can't help but chuckle when she turns her entire body around to glare at me, eyes raged and fangs almost exposed. I don't mind being a dick – not with the reaction I get from her. Angry Elena was able to turn me on in an instant and now, as a vampire, she gets hot and beautiful and I can't help but imagine how she would feel in the back seat of my Camaro, pressed against me.

"Why?" she roars in my ear.

"Lower your voice, missy. Driver needs his silence." She keeps glaring and I let out a playful sigh. "Elena. Elena, _Elena_…I know your paranoid, little mind is telling you this is one of my many schemes to have you walking around my house in your bra and short shorts." I pause and wiggle my brow deviously, but turn serious at her expression. "Well, it's not. Your _soul mate_ figured you should act traumatized because of your almost drowning and skip some days of school so we can watch over you. Caroline's already told everyone she and her mother are helping you and Jeremy out."

_Act traumatized_. As if being left to die by the love of her life and turning into a blood sucking creature hasn't actually traumatized her.

"For how long?" she asks and I'm able to trace weakness and sadness in her low whisper.

"Until we make sure you can be around humans without going mental." I make sure my voice is soft now, matching hers– maybe comforting her.

"That could take years." She whines.

_Yeah, right, if Blondie could pull it off, my Elena will ace_. I flinch at my own thought; 'my Elena' sounds wrong even to me, now that I know she's made her choice. "_Please_, you have the best mentor ever. Give me one month tops and, before you know it, you'll be able to have sex with humans without your fangs appearing."

She smiles a little at that, not blushing or throwing me deadly looks. I smile wider; _could_ _I be more_ _whipped?_ "So, where are you taking us?"

"You'll know in about three minutes."

She keeps silent. Her eyes wander frantically around – I know she can see everything, _literally_. Hell, at this point, she can see and hear better than I can. No wonder her head snaps at the direction of every little sound – sounds I'm too old to catch. She looks lost and somehow scared. And because my life isn't planning on getting any easier, I know she'll throw a fit at anything I ask her to do. Right about now she's going to prove that.

I pull off at the side of the highway and look at her. _Oh, this is going to be good._ _Like, Pulp Fiction kind of good._

"What's wrong? Why did we stop?" she questions and her eyes scan the road, looking for any hints that may have caused a change of plan.

"Have I ever told you what my favorite way of catching pray is?" I smirk at the thought, one – because I can already feel her scolding me for this and two – because I honestly miss being bad ass and turning people's nightmares to reality.

"Damon." _This is going to be a long one._ "First of all, please don't call it pray. I already hate myself."

"Gee, Elena, if you're going to act like Stefan you've got to let me know, like, _now_."

She acts like I didn't interrupt her. "_Secondly_, no you haven't told me and for that I am grateful. But, I have a feeling I'm going to find out and I'm not going to like it."

"Damn right you're finding out. As for liking it, well, it's all a matter of style really. At least I don't decapitate my victims like Stefan. I'm all neat and clean and well, come to think of it, the best choice out there."

Her eyes widen and I see she's interested. Well, she won't be for long – that's for sure. "Care to share? Is the reason why we stopped driving part of that?"

"Yes and no. We could have stopped anywhere really; I was just feeling a bit nostalgic." I stare at the highway for a dramatic effect. Blame the acting classes I took in NYU back at the eighties; most humiliating decade _ever_. "This is where I made my first kill, when I came back to Mystic Falls."I answer her questioning look.

I myself am telling this story as one of the good ones, all proud and excited but something snaps in her and curiosity is replaced by sheer sarcasm and looks that kill. "Is that before or after you'd met me and un-met me?"

_Oops_. "It was after I'd decided to spare your life, _yes_. But, let's not get off track here. "She growls but I keep going, eager to change the subject. "So, as I was saying. I like to lay down the road, thinking about life, eternity, the existential crisis, _to be or not to be_, global warning; you know – "

"Get to the point Damon." She reaches at the back seat and grabs a blood bag, clearly out of patience. I laugh - Elena drinking blood still too weird to comprehend.

"I think about all these things, until some very unfortunate human drives my way. They see me, suppose I'm in need of help and usually stop. When there's two or three of them, someone stays in the car – all the better." I don't realize how I'm talking faster and passionately and how Elena is eyeing me scared and curious all the same. "The moment they're out of the car, calling for an ambulance, I'm already standing behind them. If they're lucky and I'm feeling generous, I compel them to relax and enjoy it. If they aren't…"

I sigh and my fangs scratch my gums, begging to come out. _Damn, I've missed hunting like I'm supposed to._

"In an instant, they're gone; bled dry. And I'm on to the next one, only that it gets better. Because, they've seen what's happened to their friend or lover and they try to run. I catch up and…"

"Enough." Elena whispers, but it _is_ enough to shut me up. I force myself to calm and lean at my seat. She's obviously scared but for all the wrong reasons – she's scared because she wanted to hate my story and the now dominant part inside her didn't allow that. She's a vampire and, while I narrated, she could feel the adrenaline, the chase, the thrill. I instantly feel like an asshole.

"Do you…do you still do, _that_?" she wonders, her eyes closed, blood bag emptied.

"No, it's been a while. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss it."

"So, why are you telling me now?"

I look at her and brace myself for what's to come. "I told you Elena." I mutter softly. "We're out hunting. And we're doing it my way."

She keeps very calm and very collected. Actually, much to my surprise, she lets out an adorable little laugh. "Damon, if you think I'm going to lay there and wait for someone to kill, I swear to God, we're over."

_Wait, what was that now? _

"We're over?" I look her straight in the eyes and I'm more than positive, if she was human, she would have matched her red shirt.

"This…thing, we've got going on. You, teaching me how to hunt." I nod and let a wicked smile spread across my face. "Ok, please, reason with me here. I asked for your help and I still want it. You told me I was going to feed on a human and I plan to obey. But, this is all too twisted. And it's my first time Damon."

Her eyes turn soft and begging and I reconsider. Because, did I mention, I'm whipped.

"Can we do this the easy way? Please?" she even reaches for my hand, clutching on the steering wheel.

"What would the easy way be?" I mutter against gritted teeth. I'm doing my best efforts not to force her into unholy things right here, in this car.

"Find a bar, compel someone to keep quiet, not hurt and forget and repeat tomorrow? You take care of the details." She looks hopeful as I turn to look at her.

"Fine." I growl. "There's a bar ten minutes from here. We're walking."

I get out of the car before I do anything stupid. I don't have the luxury of mistakes anymore – now that she has decades to be mad at me for the tiniest thing I might attempt; no more kissing her because_ 'who knows, maybe you'll die tomorrow'._

I see her following behind from the corner of my eye, a little smile playing on her lips. "Look at you, compromising. Who would have thought?"

_Yeah, who?_

* * *

Five minutes later, we're walking side by side. I'm amused and wait for her to spit out what she's been thinking from the moment we left the car behind. She keeps opening that mouth that can slave me any minute and then, she closes it angrily. It's like a vicious circle.

"So." _Ah, here we go_. "Are we going to talk about what you did to me?"

Better deal with this lightly. "Which time?"

"The first time!" Her voice comes some octaves higher, letting me now she's not planning on dealing with this lightly. "And the other time – you compelled me Damon!"

I refuse to look at her. I'm almost ready to ask for a lawyer before uttering any words that'll prove me guilty. "Elena. Let bygones be bygones."

"Are you serious? Damon, what the hell, don't turn this into a joke! It matters to me."

She halts in place and I let out a high, tired moan. _God, let me out of this badly written One Tree Hill episode._ "Keep walking Elena."

"No." I swear I'll grab her, make my way to that stupid bar at the end of the road and kill everyone inside. "I want to talk about it. This is happening Damon_; now_. I can wait here forever."

"What is this, _The Perks of Being a Vampire_? Wait here then, see if I care." I take two steps but, being in no control of my stupid feet, turn around and close some of the space between. "Why does it matter so much Elena? It shouldn't fucking matter."

"No shit." She's furious and this is looking too much like a couple's fight, only without the hot make-up sex. "You met me first. You were charming and witty and hell, I was flirting with _you. _And I didn't even know you. You compelled me to forget you, only to meet me again, but this time as 'wicked, killer Damon'. Then I hated you, but I liked you all along – don't even ask me why! Then you snapped my brother's neck, but I still fucking forgave you. You _cried_ while telling me you loved me, only to compel me again. _And you're telling me it shouldn't fucking matter_?"

She takes in a long breath, too caught up by her little speech to remember she doesn't need it. And I take a long breath along with her, _because that was one hell of a speech_. Her eyes are watery now, but she's not almost crying because of sadness – she's angry. And I…well; I don't know what the fuck I'm feeling. Except from the usual – love and lust towards her, hate towards myself and the eternal '_it's always going to be Stefan'_ in the back of my mind.

"That was all very touchy Elena, but yes, that's exactly what I'm telling you. You made your choice – Stefan. Everything else is irrelevant."

"But, Damon," my voice is calm and on the edge of breaking while hers is high, trying to maintain her anger so she doesn't lose it "do you even realize how things might have been if you hadn't compelled me?"

She's accusing me for all the wrong things. She's accusing in a way that gives me hope and the way she's talking is actually showing how mad she is that things aren't different. But I know better than that now – I won't let myself hope, ever again.

"Elena, I took my time studying some physics. I know how the flutter of a butterfly's wings can cause a typhoon halfway across the world. Maybe your parents wouldn't have died. Maybe you'd have met my brother, but wouldn't be interested – all the while thinking about that mysterious stranger from the bonfire. Or, maybe, you'd have fallen for him all the same. It doesn't matter. It's done – _over_. I compelled you to forget, you forgot. Trust me; I'm the one bearing the consequences of my actions."

She looks at me like she can't believe what I'm saying. "But I remember now!" she shouts. "It's like a freaking second chance."

I feel hurt ripple my bones. I don't know when I turned cheesy and romantic, but her words hurt me so much, once again, and I curse my life and I curse my stupid actions and _Alaric why the hell didn't you kill me?_

"Is that what you needed to change your mind? I thought it was just an excuse – that whole '_maybe if you and I had met first'_ crap_."_ She folds her arms against her chest and eyes me accusingly. "I didn't think you could actually make that choice based on who you'd met first. Is that it then? You chose Stefan because you owe it to fate to be with him? Because I've given you plenty reasons to love me Elena, for that I'm sure of."

_Don't cry Salvatore, don't fucking cry. What's next, growing a fucking uterus?_

"I've told you I love you again and _again,_ I've protected you; I went against everything I am just for that tiny little chance of being with you. So don't tell me those memories are something else. You're only using them as an excuse to beat yourself up about choosing Stefan, because you're not feeling enough of a martyr now that you're a vampire."

"Damon…"

She looks sad and she pities me. I'm a pity case; great. I might as well cut my dick and hand it over while we're at it, I don't think it'll be of any use any longer.

"It's ok. You're reading too much into it, anyway. That night at the bridge; you looked like Katherine but you were nothing like her, so I let you live. But I was looking for _her; _I had no interest in you remembering me. I had no interest in you, period." At this she looks hurt, which is good. It's exactly what I need. Maybe I'll get to keep my dick after all.

"That wasn't the case in my room, though."

"Well, yeah," I manage to even smirk a little "I'd snapped Jeremy's neck because of Katherine's bullshit; you and Stefan were at the peaks of your romance, so I honestly thought my brother deserved you. And it was a good call, right?" I wink at her and grab her hand, heading forwards. "No, wait, you're dead."

I laugh as she growls, but at least we're moving; finally. I don't know how I can pretend this never happened but I'm doing it and it feels good.

"This discussion isn't over Damon."

"Well, it'll have to wait after dinner."

* * *

"Two beers please"

"Look at Elena Gilbert, taking matters into her own hands. Wanna decide which human we're having, too?" I breathe the last part in her ear and the middle aged bartender gives us a small smile, assuming we're dating or, considering the bar we're into, fucking.

It's all dirt and pools and cheating husbands and wives in here and Elena's beautiful figure looks so out of place, it hurts my eyes; or, saves them. We get our beers and I know they'll taste like urine, but she sniffs hers anyway, only to wrinkle her nose and whisper "You choose, but please make it fast. I'm going crazy."

Well, not like any of these lowlifes' death will make a difference. Actually, I think we'd be making the world a favor – only, that we're not killing. I'm teaching and she's learning, like Elena so delicately put it. I look around and my eyes pick one girl. She's with her friends but she looks cleaner and tasty enough. So I point and Elena's eyes follow mine. She's immediately guilty and in the verge of tears.

"Do we really need to? Why not feed on animals Damon?" she whines, hoping that I'll compromise again.

"I don't want you spending eternity slaved to blood Elena. There's nothing wrong with feeding on humans once in a while, as long as you can control it. Some of them want to – it can feel _so_ good."

"It never felt good while I was human."

"Of course it didn't; you dated Stefan. He doesn't know how to control his thirst, let alone give pleasure. You should have asked Andy while she was alive." I give her a playful smirk but keep going. "That's exactly what I'm talking about. You'll be around a very long time. It's not only about fighting your thirst; it's about controlling it. So, when you want to, you can use it to your advantage."

That's enough to make up her mind, though it's the seventh time I'm giving this speech.

"Fine, but you'll stop me before I do anything stupid."

"You have nothing to worry about. Now, you ready to follow the plan?"

One light nod and I'm up, more excited than I should be. Ok fine, I'm enjoying this so much it should be illegal. Better than Woodstock. Better than The Beatles singing '_Don't Let Me Down'_ on a roof. You get the idea.

I approach the girls and in three minutes I have the blonde one's arm, whose name apparently is Stacey, laced around my own and following me outside. Elena's nowhere to be seen and I smile widely in anticipation. I lead Stacey to the back of the bar, not getting one single word of refusal or contradiction. Well, of course. She's more than happy to be going anywhere with me.

Elena's leaned against the wall, having heard us and waiting. She's nervous and scared and guilty and excited and the most beautiful thing. Stacey sees her and turns to me.

"You know her?"

I don't wait any longer, because I want to make this easier for Elena and I know that inside, she's suffering for this girl we're using. So I grab Stacey's eyes and lock them with my own.

"You won't leave, you won't scream, you won't be scared. You're going to be still and enjoy this and tell your friends you had the best sex of your life."

Elena rolls her eyes. "Seriously?"

"What? She would have said it, anyway. They all do." I give her a small smile and get down to business. "I don't want you making a big deal out of this, ok? I know it'll taste wonder-fucking-full, but it's important you let her go on your own. If you can't, well, that fine. I'll save her from your evil fangs and we'll try again tomorrow."

"You don't think I'll be able to stop, do you?"

"No. And it's totally understandable. I killed my first hundred victims, unintentionally, too."

Stacey, who is eyeing us both curiously, says nothing. I give her one last look before, without any warning, taking her wrist in my mouth and creating two perfect little cuts. She moans a little, but other than that it's all good – with Stacey. Elena on the other hand; that's another issue. She's got her vampire face on and she's looking at the place where I bit, hypnotized by the smell. In a second, her mouth is on Stacey's wrist, sucking hard and enjoying every minute of it. Stacey too, has her eyes closed and isn't making a sound. I don't allow myself to get turned on by the view – I'll have time for that when Elena learns to control herself – but start counting seconds, knowing for sure she won't stop.

And she doesn't. After 5 seconds, I grab her waist and with more strength than I was planning on, pull her away. She turns around and snarls at my face, mouth bloodied and eyes darker than the night that's fallen around us. She tries to grab her again, but I push her on the wall, just in time. She hisses and fights me and it goes on for ten seconds before she calms down enough for me to talk to her.

"It's over. I want Elena back now, please."

She smiles lightly, painfully, as I clean her mouth with my thumb and stay at her lips a little longer, stroking them. I feel her fangs disappear and she moans desperately.

"That was torture. You're torturing me."

"I'm helping you."

"I know."

I give Stacey some of my blood quickly, because Elena's done a shitty job at her wrist, using her fangs like razor blades. In a moment she's good to go, dazed and still getting used to the pain she actually felt and the pleasure her mind deceived her to feel. "Go inside, Stacey. Thank you for your assistance."

I turn to Elena, who looks bewildered. "That was the most amazing thing I've ever tasted. Do you really think I'll be able to control myself someday? I would have killed her."

"I won't let you. Not until you're ready. But you want to go on, right?"

"Yes, I want to be able to drink like this. Like you; _without_ the killing or the pain. Thank you."

She closes the space between us and hugs me, but it's not the kind of hug we always share - stiff and awkward. It's intimate and passionate and it's supposed to turn me on. That's what she wants. I can feel it by the way she's pressing her body against mine and the way she's burying her face in my neck, breathing softly against my collarbone.

Before I can do anything, my phone vibrates and I reach out for it. Elena looks at me, hands still wrapped around my neck, eyes innocent – like this is all very normal. _And again, fuck my life_.

"My phone is currently off limits for you, Stefan, so this better be fucking good."

"Elijah just paid us a visit."

_And we're back to destroying Damon's life._

* * *

_Yes, I know this was long but **hopefully **interesting enough. I've already told you I'm not gonna rush things between them, because Stefan exists and Elena chose him - why? - so I can't just overlook that fact. In case you object with Elena feeding on a human: Now that she's a vampire, I want her to be more in control, more aware of what she wants so I can see her feeding on humans without killing them or hurting them majorly._

_I REALLY hope you like this. It's been edited about five times and rewritten three. So, let me know what you think ok? I don't mind critics :) THANK YOU FOR READING, REVIEWING MULTIPLE TIMES, ADDING THIS STORY TO YOUR ALERTS, FAVORITES. You make me happy. Yours, S._


	10. Chapter 10

_All Elena_

My mind works harder than usual as Damon parks his Camaro in front of the Boarding House and we both rush to the front door. Now that I'm dead and surviving on human blood, I've finally come to realize that whenever the Originals are involved things get messy. No matter how noble and trustworthy Elijah has always seemed to me, his visit won't be good news – for that I am sure of. But, what is it this time? What else could go wrong? How much more can our lives suck?

Damon opens the door hesitantly, our ears trying to pick up sounds that break the heavy silence of the night. I half expect Rebecca to appear out of the blue and try to finish me off. But it's peaceful in the hallway and all that's waiting for us in the living room are Stefan and Jeremy. The room is dark and warm; Stefan is sitting on the couch, face buried inside his journal and Jeremy's sprawled on Damon's sofa, cursing his algebra book. The feeling of coziness and peacefulness hits me hard and a wave of gratefulness takes over my body – more of a tsunami, really. I feel like crying, blessed for having all these people around me – supporting me, even though I'm a monster who drank a poor girl's blood._ Damn those heightened vampire senses._

"Well, aren't we one big, happy, family!" Damon sighs and walks to his usual spot, filling his glass with alcohol. Our ride back was silent and uncomfortable - Damon trying to think of ways to deal with whatever new crisis Elijah has to throw at us and I…well, wanting Damon. _Smooth Elena, real smooth._ After practically begging him to kiss me when he saved Stacey from my killer instincts, I found it impossible to sustain my lust. In his car, it was like Denver all over again. Only, while human, I usually did a fantastic job hiding my feelings for Damon. These couple of days, they've been all I could think about – along with blood, of course. _Of course_.

Stefan closes his journal and his eyes meet mine, wary and sad. His understanding and complete compassion only make whatever feelings I hold for Damon look out of place. Gratefulness turns to guilt in a second and I fight the desire to break something. So I opt to sit by his side and curl in his embrace, hoping it will make him feel better and take some of my gut-wrenching guilt away. It doesn't. And now I have to face Damon's eyes as he turns around and takes the sight of us together in. _Fuck. My. Life_.

"I can't believe Elijah left without saying 'hi' first. So rude of him." Damon mocks and I half smile, not being able to help myself. Jeremy rolls his eyes and tosses his algebra book away, brows furrowed.

"He was quite the gentleman actually. He even apologized on Rebecca's behalf and said he was extremely happy that Elena survived." Jeremy informs Damon mockingly and comes to plant a kiss on my cheek. I hold my breath and tense under his tender touch, careful not to let his smell in. I won't allow my bloodlust to ruin this new found affection Jeremy's been showing since I turned. He's the main reason I wake up every morning and don't just shut this whirlwind my emotions currently are off.

"He said he was sorry? _That_ changes everything, right Stefan? Did we leave you enough time to strike a new deal with our favorite Original?" Damon asks sarcastically and Stefan's arm against my shoulder stiffens. I press closer to him, legs stretched on Jeremy's lap who is now sitting next to me, but my eyes involuntarily stay fixed on Damon – the way he gulps what's left of his drink, the muscles under his grey T-shirt, his strong hands, his hard eyes judging Stefan. What's the point of choosing if I can't stop my stupid mind from fantasizing about Damon? _Elena, the horny vampire – just great. _

"Actually," Stefan starts, meaning to talk business. I can feel the air around me change and look up at Stefan's face, trying to trace any signs of trouble. "Elijah came to warn us. Klaus's alive."

Shock washes over me and I sit up, avoiding contact with both Jeremy and Stefan. I glance at Damon, whose face mirrors mine perfectly. The hand holding his tumbler has gone limp and there's nothing but anger and disbelief in his voice as he mutters "Shut the fuck up."

"He's lying." I whisper in the same tone. "He has to be lying."

"Why would he be lying Elena?" Jeremy wonders and leans forward to take my shaking hands into his, but in one swift movement I'm up and next to Damon, scared of what my anger, fear and sudden need for blood may lead me to do.

"Does he need a reason? That's what they do – lie, manipulate and kill." Damon shouts and fills his glass again. I hope he's right; he has to be. The possibility of Klaus having survived after what we did to him is downright scary.

"I don't think that's the case this time, Damon." Stefan's up too and pacing around the room. He doesn't notice my proximity with Damon or decides to ignore it.

"Klaus is dead Stefan. I saw him die. Alaric staked him and his desiccated body went up in flames. My eyesight is brilliant, thank you very much."

"But, then, how are you still alive?" Jeremy breathes and my insides swirl around. The fear I experienced when I thought they would all die; my phone call with Damon, his voice breaking when I told him I loved Stefan and left him there to die alone – it all comes back full force and I feel like someone just punched me in the stomach.

Damon halts in place and then fixes his glare on Stefan. "So what are you telling me, Fabio? That Klaus was actually telling the truth about initiating our bloodline? And that he, _somehow_, managed to survive bursting in flames and is now plotting his revenge?"

"Pretty much, yeah." Stefan breathes and comes to drag me on the couch, sitting me on his lap. "Elijah's positive it was Klaus who turned us. Plus, he came across some hybrids. Alive and kickin' hybrids."

"Shouldn't Tyler be alive then?" Jeremy asks, hope in his eyes. I eye Stefan hopefully too. Caroline, tears in her eyes and her body shaking, told me that Tyler's body hadn't been found and his mother was going crazy. It felt wrong, having no one to burry and it was in Matt's hospital room where the three of us cried, until Bonnie came and whispered soothing words so we could get a grip. That was two days ago and I can almost picture Caroline bouncing up and down if I tell her there's a chance Tyler's still alive, somewhere.

Stefan shrugs, trying not to get our hopes up. _If Tyler's alive, then where the hell is he?_ We fall in silence, each one cursing our bad luck, until Damon's low timbre breaks it and sends shivers down my spine.

"Did Elijah tell you where Klaus is?"

"He said he had no idea and that he wanted to find him just as much as we do." Stefan sighs and looks at Damon, whose features have turned dark and dangerous.

"I bet he does." Damon starts walking away slowly and my gaze follows him. "Alaric died for nothing, Elena died for nothing; these past months have been for nothing." _He means me. He means that everything he went through for me has been for nothing. _"Klaus is still one step ahead of us."

"Where are you going?" I snap before I can control myself.

"Out." He answers without stopping. "This unexpected turn of events calls for some distraction."

I hear him slam the door behind him and rage inside. I take two deep breaths, reminding myself that Jeremy's still with us in the room and fix myself on Stefan's lap, burying my face in his neck.

"Can I have a blood bag?"I ask Stefan, neglecting what Damon told me about overdoing it with the blood. His departure is practically the reason I need it so much.

"Ok. You can tell me how your first hunting experience went."

The moment Jeremy hears us talk about 'hunting experience' he grabs his book from the floor and heads upstairs. "Can I skip school forever?" he shouts from the top of the stairs.

"No." Both Stefan and I shout and head for the basement. I try to focus on what Stefan's saying, but the image of Damon sensually feeding on a girl's neck and giving her 'the best sex she ever had', as he so cockily named it, keeps popping in my mind and all I can see is red – as in blood red.

* * *

Two o'clock. _Two fucking o'clock and he's still not here_. I toss and turn in my sheets and hate – _hate_ – the waves of jealousy and lust and possessiveness that take over me every five seconds. From the moment Stefan left my room with nothing more than a soft goodnight kiss, I've been occupying myself with all sorts of activity. Three hours later, I've officially gone crazy.

All the noises and smells and sights I would probably pay to experience while human are now being a pain in the ass. All I want is to hear Damon's footsteps climbing the stairs_, alone_. I want him to check on me before going inside his room and even flirt a little – the way he so skillfully did the entire time Stefan was gone. Most of all, I need to know he's okay; that he doesn't blame me for having to stay here and deal with trouble that doesn't belong to him, only because I asked him to. My consciousness – or what's left of it – needs to know he doesn't blame me for choosing Stefan. _Do you blame yourself?_ Maybe I do, but I guess it's too late to take anything back.

I'm re-reading Bonnie's text [_Sorry for not visiting 2night. Caroline cancelled and I got a call from Jamie. We'll be there first thing tomorrow morning! Xoxo_] when my ears finally catch the long-awaited sound of Damon's footsteps on the stairs. I toss the phone aside and sit up, eager to see what he'll do. Ok, it kind of feels like stalking him. It doesn't really count when you're a newly turned vampire that can hear and see and feel everything. The moment he approaches my door I feel my blood – or Stacey's blood – pump through my veins forcefully and I'm positive I'd be hyperventilating if I were still human. This moment, accompanied with these fierce, strong emotions, feels too good to be true.

But, the moment passes and his footsteps fade into his room without even halting outside my door; leaving my chest hallow and my mind filled with scary thoughts, the biggest one being: _I've lost him forever_.

I fall back on the pillows and listen hard. I can practically picture him in front of me, taking his boots of, then his jacket. Sighing lightly, his brows probably furrowed. He steps inside his bathroom and leaves the water of his shower running. I hear him remove his jeans and T-shirt and the sight of a shirtless, gorgeous Damon captivates my mind almost immediately. I fight my memories of having him pressed against me that night in Denver, but my fingers trace circles on my stomach on their own accord, moving slowly but steadily down.

I focus on his movements again. He's pacing around the room and in about five seconds I understand why. A low melody fills my ears and I half smile at his choice of music; The Black Keys – Lonely Boy. He hums along the music while entering the shower, completely naked. I spot my hands, which are currently fondling the insides of my thighs, and mentally curse. As much as I'd love to, my hands can't compare to what Damon's hands would be able to do to me, so I order myself to stop and instead sulk at the guilt that takes over my body. I even let some tears spill, because it's just _too much_.

The moment he gets out of the shower, I sit up again and leave my bed – scared of what I might do with the mood I'm currently in. I wait patiently until I hear him pick his phone and dial a number. In two o'clock in the morning. _What are you up to now, Damon?_ The phone rings once, twice before a female voice I know oh-so-well answers from the other end and my insides freeze, jealousy strong enough to make my vampire face appear.

"_Hello?"_ Meredith asks, surprised.

"_Hey Doc. It's Damon. You know; the guy whose blood keeps you from getting fired."_ Damon's voice is cool, like he's talking with an old friend on a beautiful Sunday morning.

"_Damon."_ Meredith breathes- her tone calm and surprisingly relaxed. _"How did you get my number?"_

"_Rick had you as an emergency contact." _Damon confesses and I hear him lay on his bed, in nothing but his towel. _"Did I wake you?"_

"_No."_ Meredith sighs and if I focus hard enough I can hear her movements too. Like how she's stretching in her sofa, while talking. _"Doctors have too much of a guilty consciousness to be able to sleep at night."_

"_And here I was, calling to say thank you."_ Damon smirks at the phone and I feel like banging my head on the wall. Or bursting inside his room and tossing his phone outside the window.

"_Thank you for what?"_ she voices my question.

"_Practically saving Elena's life." _Silence between them. _"I haven't had time to drop by and…hm, let you know how grateful I am. So, yeah, thank you." _

I feel more tears fall from my eyes. I know Damon; I know he'd rather eat vervain than mutter the words 'thank you' and 'sorry' to anyone. But he's doing it now; and he's doing it for me. Just like every other noble thing he does for me.

"_You're welcome Damon. But, it's not like I predicted she'd have the accident."_

"_No, I know that. But she would have died from that brain hemorrhage. Either way, you saved her."_

Another silence and all I can hope now is for Meredith to wish him goodnight and close the phone. Stop bonding. Damon doesn't do bonding. Not with anyone that isn't me.

"_I think it was you who saved her. You're right; I'm not much of a doctor without your blood."_ She laughs bitterly and Damon chuckles.

"_I'll probably start selling it. You know what they say; never do anything you're good at for free." _He sighs and I hear his eyelids close heavily. "_Well, goodnight then."_

"_Damon. Did Rick die?"_

"_Yes, he did; in my arms. The moment Elena drowned. I'm sorry."_

Shit, this conversation is starting to contain too much feeling. And I'm starting to get emotional too, with Rick's death being mentioned and of course being associated with my own.

"_I'm sorry too. You were his best friend you know. He talked about you quite a lot. Anyway; good night."_

The phone line disconnects and all I can catch are Damon's shallow breaths and his chest moving up and down, making the bed shift ever so slightly – enough for me to hear. Putting my impulse no second thought, I leave my room and open the door to his in only two seconds.

He doesn't move a muscle as I step inside and carefully sit beside him, on the bed, not lying down. I try to control my breath and let no sign that his half naked figure is having any kind of effect on me show. Only that it has.

A Beatles song is playing on the background but now that I'm inside the room I can't tell which one. _Get a grip Gilbert. _

"I don't think you should be worried about Klaus."

"_I_ have nothing to worry about. You on the other hand…Stefan; both of you definitely should." He keeps his eyes shut and I glance back at him from above my shoulder.

"Well, we're not your problem."

He sits up and leans on his pillows, eyeing me sarcastically. "My brother is always my problem, Elena. I'm either trying to kill him or protect him – that's what my poor excuse of an existence consists of."

"At least you're on to protecting him again." I laugh humorlessly.

"Yes, so I can kill him after Klaus _finally_ dies; if _that_ ever happens."

"Well," I say and get up, heading to leave "you don't have to worry about me. I'm no longer the human doppelganger. I bet I'm no use for Klaus anymore."

I don't believe that. And he doesn't either.

"I'm sure he'd love to see you dead, just for the fun of it." He sees me walk at the door and leans even lower in his pillows. "Plus, I bet vampire Elena has even more troubles coming her way than human Elena ever did."

"Always ready to make a girl feel better." I say sarcastically and open the door to leave. I got what I wanted. In only three minutes, I could sense he had drunk enough blood and alcohol to keep him going for a week or so. Now I need to go in my room and order my thoughts away from him.

"Is that why you clung to me for dear life back at the bar?"

His voice is so low in my ear, so erotic. He has both hands slammed on the now closed door behind me. Without knowing how or when, I've been turned around, my chest pressed on his and my back on the door. He's breathing in my ear and _God, he feels so very good_. Flashbacks of him standing naked in front of me in the living room, applying first aid on my cheek, kissing me softly on my porch come back and I have to fight with my hands, which are aching to touch his bare torso.

"Damon…" the voice that leaves my mouth isn't mine. It's the voice of a woman who is in need of something – something of vital importance.

"I know Elena. I know." he says, completely ignoring my needy tone; purposefully ignoring it. "You love Stefan. He gave you something to live for and you fell for him, _instantly_. But you care about me and that is why you had to let me go." His voice is cold as he repeats my words and I can't hold back the tears that are coming. "The thing is - you're doing a shitty job showing how much you _love him_ and how much you need to _let me go_."

With that, he opens his door and I rush in my bedroom, thanking my vampire speed with every fiber of my being, and fall on the bed. I cover my ears with my pillows and cry myself to sleep.

* * *

_Stop it, whoever you are._ I grunt and moan as the curtains open and a happy female voice hums sweet melodies while moving in my room.

"What. The. Hell." Too much sunshine, way too early.

"No hell Elena." Caroline sing-songs and I force my eyes open, her voice triggering my curiosity. "Today is paradise."

I sit up and smile. Caroline is standing in front of my bed, dressed in bright colors. Her hair is perfectly curled and her eyes are lit. She's beaming. Her smile is huge and she half dances, half bounces at my questioning look.

"I _know_ I should wait until Bonnie gets here, but I can't." she takes a deep breath in and for a moment she's bubbly old Caroline again. No trace of vampire whatsoever. "Tyler is alive Elena! _He is alive_!"

She jumps on my bed and hugs me tightly. I return the embrace with a huge smile on my face. Tyler is alive; there's no doubt now. Klaus is alive too.

And I? I am doomed.

* * *

_1. I'm a Claroline shipper so I'm going to play with the idea of Klaus being inside Tyler's body a bit. Just for the fun of it. 2. No, I'm not planning on making Meredith Damon's new flame. Ew. No. I just wanted to put Elena through a bit of jealousy. Now that her emotions are stronger, I want her to experience everything Damon's felt - kinda put her in his shoes. 3. Yes, I'm planning on Damon playing hard to get. Why? Because Elena must realize he deserves her as much as Stefan does. Cross that - more. So bare with me. And don't read any S4 spoilers - they'll ruin your summer. I practically die every time I read the season will start with Stelena. -.-''  
I hope you enjoy. I know I sound like a broken record whenever I repeat this, but I am so here I go again: I appreciate every one of you reading, reviewing, adding my story to their favorites/alerts. You make me happy. Thank you. Yours, S._


	11. Chapter 11

_This one's long guys. You've been warned :)_

* * *

_'Sometimes we love people so much that we have to be numb to it. Because if we actually felt how much we love them, it would kill us. That doesn't make you a bad person. It just means your heart's too big.' -Riding in Cars with Boys._

* * *

_All Elena_

Jeremy's footsteps above our heads and Stefan's lazy wanderings around his room are enough to show that Caroline's shrieks, first thing in the morning, have been a wakeup call for all of us. Not even my excellent vampire hearing can properly make out what she's saying, because she's vampire bubbling everything in inhuman speed. Before I can shush her or bang my head on a wall, I hear Damon's door fling open. In less than a second he's standing inside my room, majorly pissed off, but that doesn't stop my heart from jumping inside my chest. _Thanks for the notice, stupid, dead heart._

His hair is dump and he has nothing but a shower towel wrapped low around his waist. His deadly stare is fixated on Caroline, who's smiling at him like a love struck teenager.

"How did I _ever_ put up with you?" he questions drearily. Even though he's not sparing me one look – yes, it hurts a bit – all very concentrated on mentally killing Caroline, I can't help but notice a drop of water falling from his neck down his chest, following the route of his defined stomach muscles and disappearing inside his towel and into… _Don't go there!_

"What's with all the noise?" I hear Stefan mutter, before he, too, appears on my doorframe wearing a brick-colored T-shirt and tight jeans. He looks good and sexy, but I can't shake the desire to approach Damon and take his dump, raven colored locks in my hands while kissing the water from…

_Shit._ Elena the horny vampire is back full force.

Before Caroline has any time to explain – smile still intact – Jeremy joins the party, his face amused.

"Who needs an alarm clock when you've got Caroline's fan girl shrieks waking you up for school?" he wonders, getting an eye roll from Damon and a smile from Stefan. Seeing the three of them standing together, makes me laugh – maybe my life isn't that bad after all. At least, we can still joke about things; kind of.

"The three of you are nothing but insensitive jerks!" Caroline laughs, before throwing one of my pillows in Jeremy's direction.

"My ears are _very_ sensitive Barbie, so keep it down." Before Damon can leave, I hear a knock on the front door and Caroline, having caught the same scent that I did immediately, bounces on my bed.

"That's Bonnie. You can all hear the news now!"

Damon gives one last eye roll, showing how not interested in the news he is, before storming off to let Bonnie in.

"Can we move this downstairs? I'm hungry."I get up and move closer to the door. I give Jeremy a small punch on the arm – from which he hisses lowly – and Stefan a small kiss on the lips. He leans forward, making the kiss more intimate, but Caroline's hand dragging me downstairs stops his efforts short. And part of me doesn't mind that.

* * *

Once we're all gathered in the kitchen, Caroline gives each a gleeful look. I nod and smile reassuringly; already aware of what she's about to share and too distracted sipping blood from my glass for any further emotion. Bonnie, silent next to me, is eyeing Caroline worriedly, her eyes darker than usual. Jeremy eats hurriedly, already late for school and Stefan stands as far away from me and the blood, trying his best to concentrate on Caroline and not on the glass in my hands. When Damon walks in, dressed in a V-neck, black T-shirt and black jeans, and comes to sit next to me, I wonder if he's deliberately avoiding me after everything that happened last night or he's simply decided to act on my insisting efforts to push him away.

"Guys, Tyler is alive." Caroline finally beams and I chuckle with her expression.

Jeremy, Stefan and Damon are nowhere near surprised. The knowledge that Klaus survived pretty much prepared us for this. Bonnie, on the other hand, is shocked. Only, not the 'I-am-so-happy-your-boyfriend-is-alive' shock. Her face expresses something like 'what-the-hell' kind of terror.

"Caroline…" she whispers. "How…how do you know?"

"He came to visit last night, silly!" Caroline smiles and is apparently ignorant of Bonnie's lack of amusement on the subject. I glance around and judging from Damon's half-closed, doubting eyes, he's the only one who's noticed Bonnie's reaction.

"It looks like you got some last night, Blondie." He states sarcastically, his stare still on Bonnie.

"No, _no!_ It wasn't like that. He just came to see me; make sure I was ok. He didn't stay long." She frowns and then looks disappointed at everyone's unemotional faces. "I thought you'd be happy he's alive."

"We are!" I reassure. "It's just that…well, we kind of figured."

Bonnie turns to look at me, her face now unreadable. "What do you mean?"

"Elijah was here." Damon looks directly at Bonnie, capturing her eyes. "He told as Klaus is still alive. So much trouble for desiccating his body, right witchy?"

"Right…" Bonnie mutters and I really hope the bad feeling her face is giving me, is nothing but my imagination.

"Whoa, whoa, _whoa!_ Klaus is _alive?"_ Caroline shouts. "What the hell? I thought we got rid of him."

Stefan chuckles humorlessly. "How did you think Tyler survived? Christmas miracle? Klaus being alive practically saved all of our bloodline."

"For starters, I thought he was lying. The deceiving, little, horse-loving, psychopath Original." Caroline mutters to herself. "As for Tyler, he told me Bonnie helped him."

"What?" Bonnie mouths incredulously. _Ok, this is getting weirder by the minute_. "What did he tell you exactly?"

"He told me he was about to die after I left. But you saved him; with a spell." I can see Caroline is waiting for Bonnie to back up her words; anything to show that whatever Tyler told her stands. But the more I hear, the more I wonder if the direction this is all heading to is any good.

"Caroline, I didn't. I would have told you if I did." Bonnie's tone indicates that she had nothing to do with any Tyler-concerned subject four nights ago. Her voice is almost too sure – and something about it makes me doubt, Damon sigh and Stefan take two steps forward, finally aware that something's off.

"You know that feeling, when one of you screws up and I'm left to deal with the consequences? I'm getting that right now." Damon bickers and not once lets his eyes leave Bonnie. "So, in case you have something to share with the gang Sabrina, by all means…"

"What the hell are you talking about? I was with you that night. You saw me…"

"Actually, I didn't see you do anything. You asked to be left alone, remember?"

I hear Jeremy sigh, too calm for the tense air now surrounding us. "Let it go, Damon. Bonnie was the one to help us desiccate him."

"Yeah, she was also the one responsible for my almost death a year ago. Remember Gilbert's device Bonnie? The one you _deactivated_?"

"Ok, enough!" Caroline comes between them. "You're not ruining this for me. The important thing is that Tyler's alive. He'll explain everything once I see him again."

"Did he say if he was planning to go home? I should talk to him – he still shares a bond with Klaus." Stefan looks hopeful but Caroline's now gloomy expression says otherwise.

"He didn't. He said he needed some time off; with almost dying and everything."

Bonnie snorts at that but mouths out nothing but a soft plea. "Keep some distance until we figure out what's going on Caroline. Please."

Caroline nods, aware that something is definitely off. I feel terrible – she was all happy and excited this morning and it took nothing but five minutes and the bitching of Bonnie and Damon to turn her to an insecure mess. I take her hand in mine and smile a little.

"Hey, I'm sure it will all work out. Maybe Tyler was in shock and thought he saw Bonnie or something. He'd never lie to you."

Caroline nods and I look around the now silent kitchen. Jeremy's left for school and I didn't even hear Damon retreat to his room upstairs. _So not like him_.

"Aren't you two late for school?" I ask the girls while Stefan comes to wrap a hand around my waist.

"Yeah, about that; we're skipping today. _And_, I'm taking both of you to spend the day at my place." Caroline smiles. "Lunch includes blood for us and delicious pizza for our human witch."

I bounce up and down at the idea. I so want to get out of this house. Even if it means being locked in another one. Maybe a little change of scenery will be good for my hormones.

"Caroline, are you sure it's a good idea?" Stefan asks, worry in his eyes, and I shoot him an angry look.

"Stefan_, please_. I won't let her out of my sight. We're planning on gossiping and eating and trying to act normal for a while. Right, Bonnie?

"Right." Bonnie snaps out of her thoughts and gives a little smile. "It'll be two vampires and one witch acting all teenager-like; nothing to worry about."

Stefan sighs and gives in, taking my face in his hands. "Fine, but you'll call in case something is wrong. Ok?"

I nod and grab his shoulders, trying to experience that incredible tingling feeling he once gave me doing nothing more than staring into my eyes. I kiss him for a while and when nothing really happens, I blame my blood craving and the fact that Damon's car just left the driveway for not _needing_ Stefan, like I once used to.

* * *

Eight hours later and after a big amount of food, alcohol and three blood bags, my two best friends decide it's time to focus all their attention to me. I sigh, knowing what's coming the moment Caroline lies down next to me on the bed and Bonnie smiles deviously. When we got inside the house this morning, we relaxed and I let Bonnie's weird reactions slip out of my mind, too busy talking about Jamie, Jeremy, Matt, Tyler and every other unimportant subject we could find. We'd all missed spending one damned day without having to worry about our life being in danger.

I even thought I could close the day without having to talk about my problems, but when did they ever make it easy for me? I close my eyes, unprepared for any questions they have in mind.

"_So_," Caroline smiles, "how are you?"

_And, here we go. _

"I know this is hard for you; the hardest thing ever. And we haven't had time to _really_ talk. So, how are you?"

I meet both of their understanding gazes and shake my head, confused. "Honestly, I don't think it's sunk in just yet, you know? I crave blood and have heightened senses and everything, but I still think of myself as 'just Elena'."

"It's still you Elena. That's how you're supposed to think of yourself." Bonnie argues. "You're not a monster. What happened…well, it happened. For us, you'll always be 'just Elena'".

"I fed on a human being last night." My voice is small and shaky. "And I enjoyed it _so much_."

Neither of them talks. I know Bonnie's trying really hard not to judge and my confessions aren't helping one bit. But I need to talk about it – only now that they're asking, I realize how much I need to get out of my system.

"Yes, and I killed someone when I first turned. And it felt good." Caroline tries to make me feel better, but in no time, tears stream from both of our eyes.

"Just good old Caroline and Elena, huh?" I mutter and cry harder. "How did we get here guys? I am so scared."

"Stop it, Elena. Just _stop_." Bonnie orders. "We've all screwed up – all of us. There's no one to blame. One way or another, we would have gotten into this mess. Would you rather be dead right now?"

_Yes, I'd rather be dead. _"I need to be here for Jeremy." I opt to say.

"You can tell Damon that you don't like his…hmm, _lifestyle_ or, diet, let's say." Caroline suggests.

"No, he's right. I need to be in complete control. I mean, I know it's working out for you. But what will you do if you come in contact with as much as one drop of human blood?"

Caroline sighs, defeated. "Freak out. Turn female Stefan probably."

"Exactly – I can't afford that. Damon can practically stop whenever he pleases. He drinks, he enjoys, and he heals people. Well, he would if he wasn't such a jerk." My words are harsh, but my tone is soft and somehow lets admiration show. I notice and they do too.

"Did you talk to him? About…the whole compulsion thing he pulled off?" Bonnie asks, somehow amused with my problems.

"I did. He doesn't want to talk about it – he thinks it's not important. _I think_ he's hurt. He's not the same Damon, you know?" I rest on my elbow and hold my head on the palm of my hand. "He's helping me, just like I asked, but other than that he's being controlled, serious and he is…_ignoring_ me." I say the last part like it's a wonder and I get the same look back from Caroline. But Bonnie shrugs.

"Isn't that what you always wanted?"

"I didn't want to hurt him. And I really did – the night I died."

"What happened that night?" Caroline asks and claims a sitting position. Bonnie comes to sit on the bed too and I have both of them staring at me.

"I told Matt to take me back to you guys. I called Damon and told him he'd be ok, but I knew there was a chance he'd die; alone. I was willing to leave him die alone, after _everything_ he's done for me."

"You chose Stefan." Bonnie mutters, in surprise.

"Wow." Caroline follows.

"Don't _wow_ me. You both wanted this" I say, making it sound like an accusation.

"I didn't!" Bonnie throws her hands in the air. "I stopped taking sides the day Stefan even had the thought of throwing you off the bridge. I mean, we all know Damon is an A-class sociopath, but he's done a far greater job protecting you lately."

_Oh, so now they're sharing all this - so much for having best friends to advice you._ I turn my attention to Caroline, anticipating whatever she's about to say.

"Don't look at me. I've been team Stefan because A, he's your first true love and you know what a little pathetic romantic I am and B, well, all you've been doing is bicker about how much you love Stefan and dislike Damon. Every time someone mentioned that 'hey Elena, you _may_ have feelings for caveman' you went defense mode immediately. Even after you guys kissed twice…"

"_Twice?"_ Bonnie stares at me accusingly.

"Even after you guys kissed twice," Caroline shushes Bonnie with a hand, "you were still in denial land. So, I just followed your lead. Honestly, I kind of thought you'd go for Damon despite my sayings."

"Why did you think that?" I wonder tiredly. This conversation is emotionally terrifying. Especially with everything I've ever felt towards Damon having intensified and my feelings for Stefan having stayed in the same, human level they once were.

"Elena, you kissed him in a dirty motel corridor. No, practically dry-humped him…"

"_Why_ am I hearing about this now?" Bonnie shouts at both of us.

"Shush." Caroline says - her relationship advisor face on. "Thing is, _you _don't pull off stuff like that. Not unless you really_, really_ want to. You enjoyed it, didn't you?"

She eyes me, half amused, half devious, knowing that my answer will make her point true. And I'm ready to tell her that I didn't. Because I didn't. I did not enjoy kissing Damon in Denver. _Maybe if I keep repeating it, I'll actually believe it myself. _

"You have no idea."

My eyes pop and my hands fly to cover my mouth. Wow, that was so not what I intended to say. But both of them laugh like maniacs at my expression and I burry my face in the pillows.

"Elena, honey, do you regret choosing Stefan?" Caroline finally asks and the conversation turns serious again. I don't dare unbury my face from her soft pillows.

"No. _No_. I mean, I shouldn't."

"Ok, what we _should_ do and what we actually _want_ to do are two completely different things." Bonnie mutters. "So, just spill Elena. Be honest. What are your feelings – your true feelings – for jackass Salvatore?"

_Inhale. Exhale. Repeat. _

"It's wrong, guys. Don't you see? This whole thing with Damon is _wrong_. He's unstable. He makes rushed decisions. He doesn't compromise. His way of coping with anger is by killing people. _He freaking killed my brother._ He turned your mother. Sometimes, I think he loves me too much. I'm scared of that feeling - of what it may do to me. Also, I spent so much time looking for Stefan; fighting to get him back. Putting everyone into danger for him so I can do what? Dump him for his brother? I love him. I can't do that to him."

Caroline looks defeated but Bonnie looks nothing but pissed off.

"Stefan made his decisions Elena. Maybe he has to deal with that." Her eyes are cold and scolding. "I used to hate Damon and part of me still does, but it doesn't stop me from seeing how he's paid for every wrong thing he's done in his life, while Stefan is almost always forgiven, because he plays the martyr after."

"That's because Stefan feels bad about his actions. Unlike Damon." Caroline butts in.

"Who cares about what you feel after you decapitate someone Caroline? At least be a man about it. Fight it. Deal with it." I can't believe Bonnie is saying these things. And I can't believe part of me is actually agreeing. She turns to me again. "Leave everything he's done aside and just tell me how you feel about Damon. Is that so hard?"

It is hard. Because I haven't told anyone – not even myself. Not completely.

"No one knows him like I do, Bonnie. Not even Stefan. He is good – he really is. But, he's been hurt so much; he decided to turn everything off. And now that I'm in his position, I finally get why. When we're together I feel all kind of things – passion and need and God, love. But he intimidates me. He scares me – his love, the way he handles things. What he's done; I can't shake those things off, no matter how hard I try."

"Maybe that's what love is – feeling for someone, even if you have every reason not to." Caroline says to no one in particular and the three of us keep quiet for a while.

"Forever is a long time to be with the wrong person Elena. And I don't think Stefan wants you to be with him because you feel like you owe him, or like you owe us, or even yourselves to try. He's your first love, I get that. But, don't hold on to things when you're supposed to move on."

If someone told me that I'd have Bonnie say all these things, I'd call them crazy. But she did and got my mind even more messed up. I need to go home and think – really think. But when my phone vibrates from a text from whom else but Damon, I know my plans to think will go in vein. I read his text with a smile on my face.

_[I'll come pick you up in five minutes. Borrow something nice from Caroline's wardrobe – we're going hunting.]_

I text back immediately. _[Why is what I wear important?]_

Five seconds pass. _[Entertainment purposes. I want to see you dressed up. Don't disappoint me little vamp.]_

I smile and let butterflies take over my stomach. "Hey Caroline, can I borrow a dress or something?"

"Sure." Caroline's ready to play dress up and Bonnie smiles from her spot on the bed.

"Oh and by the way," she mutters, "I'm skipping school again tomorrow if you promise to tell my about that kiss in Denver."

I give her a wink before rushing to the bathroom so I look presentable for my hunting party. Not Damon – this has nothing to do with Damon. _Nothing, Elena Gilbert - you hear me?_

* * *

_Because every girl needs her friends to put her back on the right track. Kind of. Eh, I'm not a big fan of Bonnie's but since this is fancfic - my fanfic - I decided to put some sense into her mind. Plus, I can see this reaction happening after everything Stefan's pulled off during Season 3. Bad news? I'll fail my Maths final because of repeatedly writing and deleting this chapter. Good news? I don't care that I'll fail so you'll have the next full of Delena chapter in either 24 hours; 48 tops. Oh, and that quote is from a Barrymore movie so, yeah...I'm bubbling and I'm gonna stop now. _

_For any questions, suggestions, compliments (:p), constructive criticism, whatsoever feel free to review. I LOVE reading your thoughts and I love it every time I get one of those "I think so too!" reviews. :D Thank you for being here. I appreciate it! Yours, S. _


	12. Chapter 12

_All Damon._

"I can't believe you drove us all the way to Georgia." Elena giggles, managing to capture the attention of the last two men who were – surprisingly – still unaware of her presence.

"You liked the last shithole better?" I question, frown on my face. The girl's too beautiful for her own good. She's laughing and having fun and hasn't even realized that the entire male species watching her is having sinful thoughts; myself included.

With one flip of her hair, she turns to give me a winner smile. "No, I _love_ it here. We might as well have some fun. I feel like a prisoner in the Boarding House."

"Elena, it's already nine. We're going to be late if we put booze and shitty music over business."

I see her stand and reach for me, and the pact I made with myself yesterday – _grow some balls and stop chasing her around like a lovesick puppy _–disappears somewhere in the back of my mind. Just like that – with one simple touch of her hand on my forearm.

"Nobody likes a party-pooper, Damon."

I stare at her hard. Firstly, I've been called everything _but_ a party-pooper. I hope she can see I feel offended. Then again, here she is – dressed in a tight, knee length, black dress and high heels just like I asked – with a huge, genuine smile on her face. Maybe she's a bit drunk – only the tiniest bit, so she can resist bloodlust for a while. Aside from that, she's enjoying herself. And God knows; if there's one person in real need of fun, that's Elena Gilbert turned vampire.

"Fine; you deal with your boyfriend though." In the mention of Stefan, her hand, which is stroking my forearm like it belongs there, flies away immediately. I was hoping it would – the only thing she's done lately is treat me like her little boyfriend and keep a safe distance from Stefan; so, basically, the exact opposite of her choice. And that's what always happens – until she changes her mind again and I'm nothing but the caveman, who just can't keep away from his brother's girl.

Yeah, well, not this time.

"Fine, I'll call him right now. He trusts me." She says and scoots away for the bathroom, oblivious to every head turning and gazing at her perfectly-shaped ass. _Where's Ripper Stefan when you need him? _I wouldn't mind decapitating some of the assholes staring at her right now.

I'm so lively imagining bleeding someone dry just for the fun of it; it completely skips my mind to 'overhear' the lovely couple's phone conversation. When Elena storms back in, hips swaying playfully with the music, I can't help but chuckle. She looks _alive_, no matter what she's turned into. I just know she'll never lose her humanity like the rest of us – if anything, her humanity will probably boost.

"Shots of tequila, please." She smiles at the bartender and I swear, I can hear him getting a hard on.

"God, can it be?" I mock. "Is this fun, pre-destruction Elena taking hold of your body?"

She grimaces before taking one shot down. I follow her lead. "Nah, it's more like Damon-Elena."

Can't help but smile like an idiot at the term. Then another shot down our throats before we stare at each other.

"Damon-Elena? She sounds interesting. What's she like?"

"You know…" I see her trying to choose her words carefully. "She somehow manages to put _every_ problem aside and have fun. She turns to a carefree, normal person – even if for a while."

"You should let her take over more often."

"I know I should. But the moment control-freak Elena reclaims power, reality comes crashing harder than before."

Her brows furrow and without thinking, she drinks again. Shots keep coming and I make a mental note to stop her sometime soon.

"So, we'll hang out together; Damon and Damon-Elena. You won't have to deal with anything troubling except from…_me._"

Her face lets me know I'm harassing her with my eyes – the _eye-thing_ she always accuses me of doing– though, after one century, I can't even tell I'm doing it. Now I expect one of the typical 'I'd rather have Klaus chasing me around than hanging with you 24/7' answers – the ones she mouths jokingly but pain me every time, nevertheless.

"It doesn't sound _that_ bad. I can think of ways to shut you up every time you get too troubling." She giggles at me and I shoot her a deadly look – at least I try to.

"Shut me up, huh? You're such a back-stabber Gilbert."

She ignores my last comment and hits me with a question. "What would happen if I tried to compel someone, right now?"

"They'd follow your orders." I state the obvious, confused.

"So it doesn't take time or years to learn how to manage it?"

"It comes naturally."

She sighs and turns her entire body at my direction, her forearm supporting her body's weight on the counter. That dress exposes every curve of her body perfectly. It would take nothing but a second to wrap one hand around her waist, one at her hip and then…

"I'll never do it; ever." I somehow get the feeling this will lead to us arguing about me compelling her again. I roll my eyes and try to discretely turn the conversation in another direction.

"You'll probably be the only one passing on the one good thing our…_condition_, has to offer. Whatever, it's your existence after all."

She gives me a scolding look. "I won't let my _condition_ ruin my morals; not for selfish reasons, anyway."

I hold back thousand comebacks just so shit doesn't hit the fan right here. What justifies compulsion, according to Elena, is easing the pain or anguish you've caused on someone. My reasons are simply unjustified. _Well, who's to blame her? It's not like you had any right to take her memories away._

Whatever.

"Relax, mother Teresa. You're pretty much indestructible now. No one can force you into doing anything you don't want to." Except from your stubborn little head that always gets its way.

"You shouldn't have taken those memories away from me Damon."

_So much for changing the subject_. Always being criticized about something – I'm fucking exhausted.

"For the last time, Elena…"

"I know, I know." She cuts me short. "I'm reading too much into it, I got it. I guess what really bothers me is that…they were _beautiful_ moments, Damon. It kinda sucks I had to turn immortal to have them back."

Before I can answer, a man appears behind her and touches her bare shoulder lightly. I've thought of ten different ways of killing him, during the one brief second it takes Elena to turn around and eye him questioningly – all too polite and kind of course. I already know what he wants. His eyes, his sly smile and bulge on his pants are more than enough to make me growl deep in my throat.

_Let the man speak Salvatore. Then, kill him. _

"Can I help you?" Elena's voice is soft and soothing and the man's face lights up in pleasure. He's not completely ugly, I notice, but probably in his mid-thirties. And the fact he's spending his night in a bar in Georgia with his asshole friends, lets me know what kind of a low-life he probably is. _Not that you'd judge anyone who'd want to get in Elena's pants_. Obviously not.

"I'm sorry to bother you." He tries to make his voice come out low and husky and it takes all the will power I have to not crash his skull with my hands. "But I couldn't help but notice how beautiful you are."

I see Elena give a little smile and keep silent. The man, now having caught my glare and glancing between the two of us quickly, braces himself for the line he's hoping will give him Elena. "Can I offer you a drink?"

I take one step forward. Clearly, he's done talking and I behaved like the better man, letting him finish before taking measures. Now, my body itches with anticipation.

Before I can move any further, Elena grabs my hand tightly and intertwines our fingers, looking at the man boldly. "Thank you, but as you can see, I'm not alone."

She lets my fingers go, only to move her forearm around my waist and force my arm around her shoulders. And even though I'm fighting some serious killer instincts right now, my stupid heart flip flops at the contact as if I were alive. _As if._

"Beat it." I growl at him. He leaves without turning his head back – probably one of those people whose instincts are strong enough to inform him I'm danger. We're left in the same position – arm around her bare shoulders, hand around my waist and lying on my stomach muscles loosely. It's the most natural thing and while I follow the jerk to his table with my eyes, Elena shifts so she has her entire front body pressed against me, rather than one side.

"You didn't have to be rude." She whispers softly. Her hands move at the sides of my waist and I shudder lightly.

"Elena, he's lucky I didn't kill him."

She looks at me with her doe eyes and smiles lightly. I let my hand fall from her shoulders, because if I don't, I'll take her right here, this instant. What the hell is she doing? Is she reconsidering her choice or is this some sick way to make me pay for compelling her? Her face, usually an open book for me, is now unreadable. I sigh in frustration and put some distance between us.

"Let's get this over with. I don't think Stefan wants you out partying till dawn." I mock in frustration, but she takes my hand once more, her eyes boring into mine.

"Let's dance for a while. This place is still crowded; it's only ten-thirty. Look, everyone's dancing."

Her eyes are almost begging and I sigh, defeated. I follow her in the small, yet crowded, dance floor. I'm totally and completely whipped. It's getting concerning, the boundaries I'm ready to cross for Elena; disturbing even. As AC/DC's '_You Shook Me All Night Long'_ plays from the old juke box, she closes every distance between us, swaying her hips perfectly with the music and grinding them with mine. And I can't fucking enjoy the moment, like I should, because the memory of her telling me she loves Stefan plays in my mind, like a broken record. I'd love having someone compel me to forget right now.

"What are you doing, Elena?" I whisper in her ear, the moment she lets her hands wander at my shoulders. I hold her hips tightly, stroking small circles with my thumbs over her dress. From time to time, my thumbs get to feel her underwear's line beneath the fabric and it's enough to drive me crazy with blind desire.

"Can't we pretend it's just you and me, alive and dancing carefree? Huh, Damon?" her eyes are begging again, on the verge of tears and she fists my shirt desperately, getting closer. I groan in need and my eyes instinctively close. _Dear God, she'll be the end of me._ "Forget everyone and everything," she breathes in my neck, giving me goose bumps, "and enjoy our time together."

The moment she plants a feathery kiss on my neck and my hard on answers more than happily, my other brain – thankfully still working – gives me a very good reminder of myself, sitting alone and waiting – _wishing_ – for death when she informed me she had to let me go, because she _cared_ for me. I take hold of her slender shoulders and with humungous effort and many protests from my body, put some distance between us.

"It's not enough Elena." Her stare falls as she takes in what she thinks is rejection. "Not anymore. I'm tired of being good enough to fuck but nowhere near sufficient to love."

"Damon, it's not like that!"

"That's _exactly _what's it like, Elena. Stolen moments and motel kisses are behind us. You know I wouldn't even be here if my stupid brother hadn't let you die."

A slow song is playing now and we're the odd couple out – fighting among everyone else who's dancing tenderly.

"I'd hate for you to go." She breathes.

"It's not like you're doing anything to keep me. Was it Stefan in my place, he wouldn't have been able to deal with the idea of you being with someone else, _making love_ to someone else just across his room. I've heard and suffered and here I am."

"Here you are." She says breathlessly, giving me a look I've never seen before in her eyes and can't quite place.

"I won't leave you. I know you need me. But please, _please, _either give me what I truly need or keep your distance; because I'm done being the sloppy second replacement."

Her head drops and she starts shaking. I sigh and move her to the counter. _Ok, enough, you're supposed to be the one making her smile. She's having a hard time. Asshole; what's wrong with you?_

"Elena. Let's pretend this never happened. Ok? Ok." I wait until she looks up, having regained control. "I think it's time to get down to business."

She nods and lets me choose someone. She told me on our way here she'd never be able to point at someone and say 'I want to taste him or her' – at least, not for a very long time. So I do that for her. I choose randomly, my consciousness nowhere to be seen, and wait for her approval. When she does nothing but shrug, I head for the slender redhead while Elena heads to a dark alley.

Again, it takes nothing but three cheesy one-liners for the girl to follow me outside, extremely pleased with herself. Elena's waiting with her back turned to our direction and I bet everything I own her vampire face is on and she doesn't want to scare the poor girl by my side. I chuckle a little but find the dignity to make this as easy as it gets for her. I take the redhead's face in my hands and she turns to face me with a big smile, already lost in my eyes.

"You won't scream. You won't run; you won't feel pain; you'll sit silent and enjoy this. When we're done, you'll text your friends you're ok and go straight home. Are we clear?"

She nods quietly and waits for whatever's to come, unemotionally. Elena finally turns around, looking at her dinner hungrily. Her eyes are dark and crazy and when she lets out a snarl, I see her fangs appear.

"Easy Elena." I hold her shoulders and force her to focus her attention to me. "I know you can hear me. Don't be a baby about this, ok? I'll give you as much blood as you want once we're home. This is about control."

"Our blood is nothing like _her_ blood." She growls, her fangs begging for a bite.

"And you'll have centuries to enjoy it. I need you to _try_ and stop. Just try. Come on, I have your back."

She nods and grasps the girl's wrist. In one swift movement, she sinks her fangs and drinks hungrily, inexperienced and causing lot of blood loss. Hadn't I compelled the redhead, she'd be screaming in pain right now. With that, I know, today too, Elena won't stop. But as I encircle her waist I notice I don't have to apply that much force into moving her away from the girl's wrist.

She moans in complete pain and frustration and buries her head in my neck. "Close her wound before I lash out again; For God's sake, quickly."

I feed the girl my blood and my brain is so preoccupied into multitasking, that I don't hear a second human heartbeat approaching. The moment I hear him talk though, I know immediately.

"_What the fuck?"_ The asshole who tried to hit on Elena, screams - his voice not as low and husky as before. He's pretty freaked out actually, probably after seeing Elena feed or spotting me offer blood to the girl still resting in my arms. I hear his blood rush inside his veins and…_oh, shit, Elena!_

Before I can blink, she has used her speed to close the small distance between herself and that nosy asshole and is drinking, crazed. I rush at her, the girl in my arms good enough to stand on her feet, and use every inch of force I have to remove her fangs from his neck. Elena fights, screams and curses. She hisses, growls and spits.

"Shush, Elena, shut up! Enough." I throw her to the ground, while the man behind me falls on his knees, the veins of his neck spreading blood everywhere. "Elena, _enough_!"

She lets out one last high shriek before rushing away, bloodied and terrified, my car keys in her hands. I sigh in relief and turn to face the man. He's barely hanging on. I smell his blood everywhere and feel my fangs lengthen and every vein of my body ignite. _Such a long time without feeding on a human…_ _he's a dick after all. A low- life. No one will miss him. Finish him off Salvatore._

I fall on my knees and remove his shaking hands from his neck. With one quick movement of my head I sink my fangs on my wrist and shove my blood in his mouth. His eyes widen in terror but he drinks, his instincts kicking once again.

"Today's your lucky day." I tell him as he keeps drinking, his blood loss already stopping. I remove my wrist and let him heal completely before focusing me eyes on his. "Forget everything you saw. Nothing was going on outside. The hot chick had left with her boyfriend. Say goodbye to your friends and go home. Are we clear?"

He nods and gets up. He takes the way back inside the bar, followed by the girl who heads for her car just like I compelled her to do. There's blood on the alley's walls, but other than that we're good to go. I speed to the car, fearing Elena's reaction to all this. When I slide inside, I see her still bloodied and shaking. Her tears fall like waterfalls and from time to time, she sobs.

"Get a grip Elena, the guy's safe and sound."

"He is?" she whispers between sobs and hiccups.

"_Yes._ I already told you, I won't let you kill anyone. Now stop crying, _please._"

She doesn't though and I take off my jacket and throw it around her shaking shoulders. I clean her bloodied mouth, just like the first time and then the tears from her face. She keeps her head lowered but her shakings begin to disappear.

"You have to work on your technique. You cause damage the moment you bite and lose yourself in the big amount of blood. It's ok; we'll get there."

She nods twice.

"Are you ready to go home?" she shrugs and completely wears my jacket. I see her inhale my scent, almost lovingly and fall asleep immediately, her head falling on my shoulder. There's nothing to do; I take her uneasy body with my right hand and let her rest on my chest, meanwhile driving the car with my left one.

_What am I going to do with you Elena? And what am I going to do with myself once you're done screwing me up repeatedly?_

* * *

_Here it is, just like I promised. My scumbag brain is doing everything in its power to keep me from studying for my finals - the desire to write fanfiction 24/7 being one of the tricks. Anyhow, needless to say I LOVEEE this Damon. Have I mentioned that I think it should be Elena begging for him and not the other way around? Well, that's what I think. Appreciate Elena, APPRECIATE the man. *sigh*_

_Feel free to review. God knows how much I enjoy those comments you all leave - the good and the bad. :) Thank you for being here guys. I appreciate it. And sorry for any typos (eyes are bleeding). Yours, S. _


	13. Chapter 13

_Elena's POV_

"Damon's going to kill you."

Caroline snorts lightly and I can see, from the way she arches her back while filling us two tumblers with his most expensive alcohol, she's very amused with the situation.

"_Please_, I'm more than capable of kicking his ass. Let's appreciate our precious time alone."

She dances around the parlor, along with the low music coming from God knows where and comes to sit next to me on the couch. I grab the crystal glass that screams 'Damon' to my senses and give her a sly smile. "Here's to our precious time alone."

"Na-ah." She shakes her head in refusal and raises her glass with a giggle. "Here's to your two-week vampirism."

That actually stings - _a lot._ Worst two weeks – that have actually felt like twenty long, unbearable years – of my life. Nope, better yet, existence. "I don't think I can drink to that."

"Sure you can." She waves her hand comically and I know how ridiculous both of us look, drinking expensive alcohol from crystal glasses, in our pajamas and ponytail hair. "You'll drink to _that_ and I'll drink to the fact my boyfriend's alive but hasn't contacted me in, like, forever."

I chuckle humorlessly. "So, basically, here's to how much our lives suck."

Caroline giggles again and lets her blonde hair loose, trying to turn the moment from ridiculous to somehow formal. I wonder if she was already a bit drunk before arriving at the Boarding House to carry on with our pathetic slumber party. Knowing her – and totally not blaming her – she was.

"Cheers to that, Elena"

"Cheers Caroline."

We meet our glasses lightly and then drink half of the warm, sense-numbing alcohol in small gulps, silently. Caroline puts her glass on the floor and sighs, head moving along with one of Rihanna's worst songs. I wonder what Damon would be more pissed about – us drinking his precious Bourbon or having these particular songs played on his stereo. Thank God he's not here to clear this dilemma out.

"I'm sorry we had to stay in on a Saturday night. I'm the worst company ever, aren't I?"

"What are you talking about?" she scolds me with her blue eyes. "This is just like our old slumbers, only in a much bigger house – and with alcohol instead of popcorn." She gives me a devious look and I can help but smile widely. Caroline Forbes is guaranteed to cheer me – or anyone for that matter – up instantly. "Besides, I don't particularly enjoy having human blood-bags walking and dancing around me all night."

"Yeah, that was my concern. I don't even know what 'control' means anymore." I glance at the empty spot that was supposed to be Bonnie's. "I only hope Sabrina was here."

"I know, right? I mean, she's acting differently and I think she might be avoid – wait, what did you call her?"

She looks incredulous and I burst out laughing, once I realize how naturally calling Bonnie Sabrina came to me. No need for further proof that I've been spending way too much time with Damon – without objecting, that is. Yes, I spent most of my summer – looking for Stefan – and the first half of my senior year – waiting for Stefan to come to his senses – with Damon, but it was completely different. I acted like I didn't want his company, like it bothered me that he was there. I made it very clear that he wasn't the Salvatore whose company I craved, even though I silently cherished him protecting me and loving that he loved me. Because, yes, selfish little me loves that he loves me. Anyway, these past two weeks have been completely different. He's been – once again – teaching me how to be strong and independent and we've come to look and sound a bit more alike. I feel Damon-Elena getting stronger by the day and I can't help but grin at the thought.

"Don't tell her I called her _that_, she'll kill me."

"I haven't seen her in three days. When I suggested we slumber our problems, she said she had SAT's to study. Like, really Bonnie?" She stays pensive for a while and then turns to me. "You're spending way too much time with caveman."

"Well, _obviously_, we've been out hunting every night for the past couple of weeks."

_Don't smile while saying it; don't smile while saying it…_

"Elena, why are you smiling like an idiot?"

Fuck.

"I'm smiling because, well, he's been endlessly patient with me. I am the worst vampire _ever._" Caroline rolls her eyes at my exaggeration. "No, really. I scream and spit at his face, when all he does is make sure I don't kill anyone. Not to mention my idiotic need to be comforted every time I feel bad about wanting to bleed somebody dry."

"I'm sure he doesn't mind comforting you." She says quietly before bringing her glass to her lips again.

Only, he does. He made it very clear that he's not interested in small, caring gestures anymore. It's all or nothing with Damon. _Isn't it always?_

"So, no progress?"

I roll my eyes. "Every time my taste buds meet human blood, coherent thought leaves my mind. Like that. At least I've stopped resisting Damon when he pulls me away." Hardly though and the pain the loss of contact with blood brings is excruciating. "We're now focusing on my technique – it's apparently the reason I can't control myself. I cut and let too much blood out."

"It makes sense."

I finish my drink and, thinking about how nothing's getting any easier, pout a little. "What a miserable turn of events."

I lie on the couch and watch Caroline get up from the corner of my eye. She turns the music on louder – thank God Rihanna's repertory is over – and refills our glasses.

"I know what we'll do. We'll focus on the good things. You can find something good in almost every bad situation – if you only try hard enough."

_How can she even manage being so optimistic?_ All I want is for the ground to open and swallow me.

"Ok. Start trying first, please."

"Challenge accepted, fellow vampire girlfriend." She winks at me and I giggle. "For starters, what happened after the accident is the best thing that could have happened. Both of you crazy teenagers would be dead right now – or, at least one of you. Yet, Matt is still alive _and_ human, the lucky bastard, and you're alive, kind of, and here for Jeremy."

I have to admit that she's making a damn good point.

"Moving on; caveman will make sure your long existence is more than comfortable. You'll be in control before you know it, thus perfectly able to enjoy the perks of what we are. Oh, and do I even need to mention that every person you care about is as doomed as you are?"

"We're focusing on the good things Caroline." I remind her with a laugh.

"Duh, Elena! We're as doomed as you are – good thing! Best friend – vampire; will live eternally with you. Other best friend – witch; will find a way to beat aging. Boyfriend – vampire; check. Brother – well, I personally think Jeremy will live longer than all of us. He's too weird, that kid."

I'm already laughing like crazy, but that doesn't stop hurricane Caroline.

"Tyler – hybrid; only, I'll kill him with my own hands once he comes back. And I'm sure we can convince Matt that he'd be far more successful as a vampire."

"You're saying I'm not doomed alone?"

"Exactly_. I_ was doomed alone and I patiently waited and now I have you." She pauses and face palms herself. "Not that I was hoping this would happen to you. But I'd be lying if I said part of me isn't excited."

"Caroline." I breathe deeply. "You have no idea how optimistic I'm feeling right now."

"_You should_. We're forever young, God damn it. We might as well make the most of it."

"After this intense blood thirst wears off." I sigh.

"Absolutely." She smiles, happy I'm finally seeing things in her perspective.

"We're also going to have to wait for the hormones to stop making me feel horny all the time."

_Yeah, good job Elena, keep embarrassing yourself. The more the merrier. _But Caroline is the only person who's experienced the same thing as I am now and is capable of good advice. She starts laughing wholeheartedly and at the sight of her, I don't regret confessing.

"Oh, so you're in _that_ stage huh?"

"I've been in _that_ stage ever since I turned." Thank God I can't blush like I used to.

"I bet Stefan's all too eager to please. After all, he has a lot of making up to do." She snorts darkly, but it takes nothing more than one glimpse at my face for her eyes to pop out in wonder. "Elena, what's with the face?"

_Don't even answer. Keep staring at the wall. Drink some alcohol. _Shit, I shouldn't have mentioned anything.

"Oh my God, how long has it been then? You do realize that sex is part of the boyfriend description, don't you? Elena?"

"What?" it doesn't matter whether I'm dead or alive. I know for sure I'm blushing.

"Spill. You're obviously sexually frustrated; how didn't I notice earlier? _Stupid_ Caroline!" She face palms herself again. "I thought Stefan was past his awkward phase."

"He is. I just…I love him, you know I do. It's just that…he doesn't quite do it for me right now."

Her eyeballs are going to fall any moment. "Well, have you given it a try? You sleep in separate rooms for fuck's sake."

Yes, I wish it were that simple. "Look, I don't know how it works – if it's the same for everyone. But, do you remember how it was like for you? You feel…you want to… _you know,_ but not just anyone will do."

At that, I finally get her to smile. "My body used to ache for Tyler – literally. I get what you're saying _but_ I spot a flaw – Stefan isn't just anyone. He's the man you're supposed to love."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You tell me. You're the one who doesn't want to have sex with him. It's not like your ideal sex-mate is magically going to appear and make you see rainbows and unicorns with a simple touch of his hand."

Again, it takes only one second and a glimpse at my guilty face for her to start shouting.

"_No wayyy…!"_

"Shush Caroline, Jeremy's upstairs."

"Sleeping – and so not the point." She grabs my shoulders and her eyes become two slits, trying to scrutinize my face. "It's Damon, isn't it? You _want_ Damon."

"_Want_ is not how I'd put it…" I try to reason.

"Right, excuse me – it's Damon, isn't it? You want to have hot vampire sex that'll satisfy your every need and turn your world upside down with Damon. Better now?" she rolls her eyes and finishes her second glass.

"Hey, don't judge."

"Honey, I'm not judging. I'm just trying to figure this whole thing out."

I sigh and repeat what I've been telling myself everyday and every night. "There's nothing to figure out. I keep ignoring the stupid hormones until they leave me be."

"They won't – that I can be sure of. Elena, do the math here. This need – your need for _him_ – didn't grow out of thin air. I was head over heels for Matt while human and when I turned, I wanted him like _crazy_. Tyler on the other hand – I denied my feelings for so long it practically pained me seeing him with other girls and the thought of him only, used to send me to overdrive."

"Let's get to the point before you start giving me the details of your heated sex life."

"Here it is again – the Damon in you. Hah, I get it now. You've been denying your feelings for Damon and they've intensified now that you're a vampire. Judging by your description of that kiss in Denver, he had a way of making you lose it before you even turned."

Here I was, thinking she hadn't been paying attention when I told her about Denver.

"What, you thought I didn't notice?" the hell, it's like she's reading my mind. "I did notice you blush and your heart skip couple of beats when you told me, I just thought you'd feel bad if I pointed it out. After all, you were claiming it was a _huge_ mistake."

Long story short, I'm screwed. _Yeah, you wish._ "What do I do Caroline?"

"Would 'go and have your way with Damon until you pass out' do it?"

_That would actually be very nice. _I have to stop, what's wrong with me? "No!"

"Why?"

"One, I'm with Stefan. Remember him?"

"Do you?" she chuckles and I give her a light shove. She keeps giggling and I feel like shit. I've become my worst nightmare – Katherine.

"I do, actually. And I'm not doing that to him. I won't let lust get in the way of love."

"It's not lust, but I'll let you figure that one out on your own so I can shout 'I told you so' in your face when you come crying to me."

I pay no attention at her words and keep going. "Plus, Damon made it very clear that he's done chasing me around. He's respecting my choice thoroughly and he's brought so many girls home in the past couple of weeks, I've lost count."

"You were counting?"

She has definitely chosen the wrong time to be funny. "I couldn't help it. You don't have to be a vampire to hear the animalistic sounds coming out of his bedroom every night."

"And you just _had_ to take the room next to his, huh? You're kinky like that."

Another wink and I toss a pillow at her direction with as much force as I can. She dodges it and roars with laughter. "Ok, fine – let's get on with some serious Caroline Forbes advice. First things first, the tables have turned and I have a feeling you'll be spending eternity with the other Salvatore."

"Oh, shut it." Her giggles are giving me a headache. Or maybe it's just my guilty consciousness agreeing with her words.

"That's only my opinion. Anyway, you can go for the second best thing – Stefan. Give him a chance; it's not what your body wants but it'll do the trick for a while. Until you come in terms with your feelings. Or, and that is just me saying again, you could be honest with Stefan about the whole thing."

"I have been. I've told him I love him and I do. And I'm going to take your advice."

Ironically enough, I hear Stefan's bored footsteps approach the front door and Caroline gets up with her tongue sticking out to mock me. "And I'll hide in your room and act invincible and hope to God my stupid plan works."

I feel panic build in my chest. "Wait, slumber party, remember?"

"We have eternity for that."I hear her whisper before she vanishes. Then, Stefan enters the parlor and smiles at me.

"No hunting today?"

"No. Damon got angry, when I told him I'm going back to school soon, and he practically punished me for my recklessness."

Stefan chuckles at that and shakes his head in disbelief. "He' right, but anyway. I'll go fetch you a blood bag."

It's now or never. "No, you know what? Come sit. It's been a while…"

He rushes to me with a warm smile on his face and…yeah, maybe Caroline will get to scream 'I told you so' in my face.

_Oh boy._

* * *

_Damon's POV_

The world is right again – everything has returned to normal. Hooray, _hooray!_ Golden Boys is gloriously back, brooding and making everyone else look bad. Blondie is a constant pain in the ass now that she practically spends every minute of her day in Elena's room. Judgey Sabrina is hiding something from us; hence we'll have bullshit to deal with soon enough. Last but not least, Elena wants to go back to school. I'm going to be left alone again, consuming life-saving amounts of alcohol and seeking distraction wherever I can.

This is what I'm doing right now. Only I'm not supposed to be sulking. _Damn, how I wish Rick was here._

But seriously, she wants to go back to school? Why, _why,_ can't she just stick with her kind for a change? While human, all she did was hang out at the Boarding House and risk her life by getting close to us. Now, she wants to go to school.

I suck at being her guide. I really do. Every time she asks for something – like a five year old – I wonder: _What would Rick do?_ But I almost never get it right. Because who am I kidding, Rick was a grown, responsible man, whose penis wasn't involved in the equation. It's impossible for me to deny her anything – I want her to be happy; I want her well-being. And I hate seeing her pouting. So I bolt. What's a man – a whipped man – supposed to do? She has me where she wants to and it's been less than two years I've known her. Two kisses we've exchanged.

_Don't worry Salvatore; you have all existence to be obsessed. _

I groan and finish my drink; still not drunk enough to hit on any of the girls here.

"Hello Damon. I'd say you look good but you don't."

Elijah in all of his original glory is staring at me with that amused little laugh that never leaves his mouth. The one that's always there to tease you and let you know he's about to fuck up your day – or night; _or life_. His latest doing flashes in my mind but I'm too angry with my current state of life to bother.

"Elijah. I'd say I'm glad to see you but I'm not."

"That's understandable. I'm here to talk business, anyway."

I take in his look. In a suit, as always, hair styled perfectly, face collected. He somehow got out intact from all the action that went down – like he always does.

"You're talking to the wrong brother – I'm not the one who forgives and forgets. Go talk business with Stefan."

"I want _you_ to do this. Let me rephrase that – you're the only one who can do it."

Oh for the love of God, why is my life such a shithole?

"Do I look like I'm at your service?" I even smirk at him, just for the fun of it. His confidence irritates me. "And you have _nothing_ to blackmail me with. You can kill Stefan if you want to – you'd be doing me a favor. I don't care if I live or die. And Elena chose Stefan; I'm not interested in her anymore."

The last part was far from convincing.

"We both know that is not true Damon. You'd be interested in Elena even if she grew a second head."

Two Elenas wouldn't be that bad, come to think about it.

"I'm not planning to blackmail you. I am, sincerely, very sorry about what happened to Elena. I want to make it up to her."

"Then stay the fuck out of her life."

"I plan to – after I find my brother. That's where you come in."

I sigh dramatically. "Now you have my complete attention. Hit me with your best offer and watch me refuse."

Again with the amused little laugh. "Damon, it's a win-win situation really. Find me Klaus - I take him away for good. We never cross paths again."

"Your brother is a spoiled asshole that never grew up Elijah. Kind of like mine, come to think of it. You'll never be able to control him because, unlike mine, the bond of family means shit to him. We both know that. And we both know, the moment you find him you're going to screw us over."

"I won't." I don't know if he deliberately neglected to answer my accusation about Klaus being an asshole and not loving him.

"Find him yourself! You're the Original."

To that, he smiles humorlessly. "I have no idea how to find him. I don't know how he survived. The only person who can throw some light to his whereabouts is the one who saw him last. Do you know who that person was, Damon?"

Bonnie the Teenage Witch; oh, _man_.

"I might know."

He smiles at me and I want to stake myself, already aware that I'll agree to this fuckery. "Beautiful. This is all very simple. Find his location, tell me where he is. _I will make sure_ I keep my 'spoiled' siblings away so you and Elena can enjoy your time together."

Is he deliberately trying to make me feel like shit?

"Actually, you'll make sure you keep your sibling away so Stefan and Elena can enjoy their time together. But hey, it's ok, as long as I get the dirty job done."

I see him fix his suit. He's leaving, thank God. "Will you do it then?"

"Sure, why not. It's not like I have anything better to do."

He nods and turns around, but not without adding one of his stupid, cheesy remarks. "I will keep my part of the deal Damon. This time I will. Please tell the beautiful Elena how sorry I am. And don't look so gloomy – I believe you _will_ get the girl, in the end."

"Make me a motivational poster, won't you?" I shout at his back. "Bastard." I only whisper the last comment, knowing he heard it.

_Oh, boy_.

* * *

I enter the house alone. After Elijah left, I was too bored to even look at one of the girls, let alone take one of them back to the Boarding House. I'd do it, only to appreciate that sad, angry look Elena gets every time she sees a girl enter my room giggling stupidly. I also find quite priceless every ragged breath she lets out, when she hears me take those girls again and again during the night. I can't explain her behavior, but it comforts me anyway. Today would be a waste though – I know Blondie's staying over. It'll be me, having to put up with their overnight giggles and gossip.

I will never admit that her giggles are what help me sleep.

The house is silent. Jeremy's beating heart indicates he's sleeping. I can hear muffled music from Elena's room – someone's listening to Rihanna. Blondie. Why the hell is Blondie occupying her non-existent mind with music? I concentrate harder and it doesn't take long for me to catch the noise in Stefan's room.

_Motherfucker. _

I freeze in place, waiting to hear the too-familiar moans and sighs that have made me suffer and curse and want to die night after night the past year. Moans that Elena used to let, when she was with Stefan, and that I happily allowed my memory erase while he was gone, hoping I'd never hear them again. Not unless I was the one causing them. I wait and fuck me, I'm almost on the verge of tears, but nothing comes. They're definitely on the bed and they're definitely kissing, but that's it.

They're taking it slow - _more than enough time for you to get in your room and rip your heart out Salvatore. _I will, I know I will. I won't listen to this again, _ever._

I make my way up the stairs. Yeap, they're still kissing but I can now hear fabric being pulled off. I'm almost inside my room and thinking about what kind of wood will make death more painful, when a hand, seemingly out of nowhere, holds me in place.

"What are you doing here?" Caroline whispers. Her eyes are panicked and sad.

"What the fuck are you talking about? I fucking live here. Let go of my fucking hand."

She can see I'm freaking out. She knows I'm way too angry to deal with her bullshit right now. _So why the hell isn't she letting go of my hand?_ Another minute and I'll lose it.

She shakes her head and smiles a little. "She won't get through with it."

"What?" Why the fuck am I even whispering to Caroline Forbes in the middle of the night? I should be in my room, committing suicide.

"I said," she mutters and I can barely listen, "she won't go through with it." And she points to the closed door with her head. I bet my face is more than confused because she smiles warmly and pats my shoulder. "Just wait and see."

So I wait. The both of us stand still, in the middle of the hallway, like creeps. I try to tell myself that this isn't weird at all – especially having Caroline next to me; Stefan's number one fan. Elena's footsteps approaching the door don't leave me much time to dwell on the thought though.

"_I'm so sorry."_ She says from the other side of the door.

"_Don't worry about it."_ Stefan answers and I can tell he's sitting on the bed.

"_I don't know what got into me."_

"_Elena, it's only normal; even without your current state, we've been through a lot this year. I don't expect things to be the way they were. Trust me, I get it."_

Oh, shut it Stefan. Just let her get out of the fucking room before she changes her mind.

"_Thank you Stefan – for understanding. I… goodnight."_

She finally gets out of his room, in her pajamas and without any signs of arousal and my mental state goes back to normal. She says nothing while approaching both Caroline and me. She grabs Caroline's hand and heads for her door. "No girl tonight?" she whispers at me.

"I can't keep pretending they're you." I whisper back, without thinking about it.

The smile that takes over her face is simply adorable. We're too silent for Stefan to listen but Caroline, still held in place by Elena's iron grip, is watching us all too content.

"That's because they're not me."

My mind, still numb from all the drama I just experienced, doesn't think my next move through. I'm way too grateful she didn't sleep with Stefan to control myself. So, I encircle her tiny waist and pull her flush against me only to brush my lips on her cheek. I see her eyelids flutter and eventually close, while her nipples immediately harden against my chest. My lips leave her cheek but I keep holding her and after one second, seeing she's still enjoying this with her eyes closed, I whisper in her ear so that even Blondie standing next to her doesn't hear.

"Take this feeling and raise it a million. That's what I can give you."

I make my way to my room and wait for her to recover whatever happened so she can start giggling and I can fall to sleep – tonight peacefully.

* * *

_Hola amigos! Let me first note that Elena's POV is written for Rahveryn, who's always kind enough to review AND pay attention to my ramblings. I do agree with her about Caroline being a bad-ass character (second favorite now that Rick died :S) so I wrote the first part of the story with her in mind. I hope I did a good job writing her character. Also, I'll be SAD if Elena's first time as a vampire is with Stefan. I can totally see Damon lashing out again if that happens (not that I have a problem with dangerous Damon) *drools*. Anyhow...here, she'll give in to her feelings because I say so and because she should. Bare with me. ;)_

_Thank you for ALL the amazing reviews I got for the last chapter and wow, people adding the story to their alerts and favorites makes me happy and fuzzy inside. You put a big smile on my face. Thank you for being here! Everything you have to add, review :) Yours, S. _

_P.S. excuse any typos, please. I'm in serious need of glasses. :/_


	14. Chapter 14

_Elena's POV_

"Well, it was great seeing you." Matt says, leaning against the front door of the Boarding House. "Everyone's going to be excited to have you back."

I chuckle humorlessly. "Everyone, as in…?"

I instantly feel guilty for choosing Matt, from all people, to horrify with my bad mood. _He's just trying to make you feel better, Elena. _it's not his fault my first month as a vampire has been a living hell; that I've come close to killing more than five times. It's not his fault that I've got so much anger, hunger and sexual frustration locked inside me that I'm constantly scared I'll combust. And it's definitely not his fault that I've got no living family, except from Jeremy, left.

I haven't been in my room since _the_ night and I don't think I'll ever find the strength to go back there, again. Jeremy, his support still unwavering , transferred both our clothes in two suitcases one day with a simple shrug of his shoulders – clearly indicating that if I didn't feel like going back to a house full of memories of my human life, that would be it. Damon, on the other hand, made sure to keep my connection with that life intact in the most discreet and simple way. One day, he gave me the teddy bear he'd held so many times, while lying on my bed – uninvited in my room. He answered my teary stare with a simple 'He was lonely and I thought you needed the company' and a smirk. The other day, I found photo albums in my drawers, birthday gifts packed up with my clothes and, of course, my diary.

"Well…" Matt tries to think of an answer, bringing me back to earth. "I'll be pretty damn excited, Bonnie – who's back from her mother's by the way – will be very excited and the school's population will be too, only for the wrong reasons."

"Gossip, huh?" I bet everyone wants to find out where I've been hiding and whether the accident managed to ultimately traumatize me.

"Yes! You're the one to be right now Gilbert, so hurry your ass back to school."

"Bonnie's back?" I ask pensively. Bonnie's in trouble – Damon's frustration and persistence to track her down and ruin her time with her mother, has made that pretty clear. Only, no one lets me know what kind of trouble and how deep in.

"She came back today, so you'll probably see her soon." Matt shrugs and then comes closer to kiss my cheek.

"Thanks for passing by." I rush out and step back, scared at the prospect of touching his skin – feeling his blood rush underneath it. Before Matt can understand what's going on, Damon's by my side.

"Yes Matt, thanks for passing by." He states, irony and maliciousness apparent in his voice. He takes hold of my shoulders and massages them with his hands and my initial hunger transforms into lust and need and want and, before I know it, I'm wet and barely standing on my feet.

"_Why _is he here again?" Matt asks and I'm forced to reality, unwillingly.

"Because being near me is a risk, Matt. I could hurt you."

At that he snorts and I can imagine Damon rolling his eyes from behind me. I'm not sure though. I can't be – not when his hands are moving up and down my arms softly, relaxing but also leaving currents of electricity against my skin.

"Elena, you could never hurt someone. Come on."

"Go tell that to the guy whose throat she ripped open yesterday." Damon's serious tone replaces Matt's amused face with a pained one.

"Just like you said – I'm the one to be right now." I exhale and move closer to Damon, begging for some contact. "Bye Matt."

"Bye Elena. I hope I see you soon."

I close the door and follow Damon around the empty house. It won't be long before Jeremy and Caroline are back from school and Stefan back from his daily hunting. Time spent alone with Damon scares me as much as excites me. I can't trust myself around him – that's for sure. Since the night he whispered that soothing little promise in my ear, I haven't been able to think of anything else. Every thought of sleeping with Stefan has left my mind, for good. I want to kiss him, touch him, experience him, love him, drink him and breathe him in. The part that was able to keep my feelings for him under control while human has left the building. The fact that I now have Caroline telling me to go for it 24/7 doesn't help. Nor does the distance he's keeping from me – letting me know how much I hurt him and that he's not willing to beg anymore.

"Why does he think you're going back to school?" he asks and throws himself on the couch.

"Because I didn't tell him otherwise." I pace around the room; scared of sitting close to him. Of course, my request to go back to school was nothing but a tantrum to piss him off and stop him from sleeping around. School? I can't handle being around my own brother, let alone join an institution full of human blood bags. School isn't to be considered – at least not for me, still suffering from the addiction that feeding from someone can bring.

"But you're not going, right?"

"Nope, not going." I assure him, trying my best not to launch myself at him. _Just wait until Jeremy's back – your brother's presence gives you a thread of dignity. _

"Good girl. School's worthless anyway." He smirks at the angry look I manage to give him and shrugs. "Relax, Elena. You'll have plenty of time for a proper education. If you still want it, that is." He gets up and I freeze. I don't want him to leave – not during the little time we get to spend alone. _Ambiguous much, Elena? _"I think there's much more to it than attending Ivy League institutions."

"Where are you going?"

"To pay Sabrina a visit – welcome her home."

His wiggled eyebrows and dangerous smile say different. "What's going on with her Damon?"

"That's for me to know."

I rush at him and push his body against the wall. I let my face transform for dramatic effect and lean closer. "And for me to find out?"

"You can try to." He answers nonchalantly and I find myself pissed at his lack of excitement. I'm practically hyperventilating from the contact and he's looking at me like I'm yesterday's news.

"Tell me." I snarl and grab his throat with my right hand. That beautiful, white throat that smells so sinfully good… "_Now._" I take one step forward and flush my body against his. I know in my mind he could have me tossed against the wall in a second, but I don't care. I'm using my anger as an excuse to touch him and smell him.

"Let me down." his voice comes low and dangerous, no trace of struggle or huskiness in it. I instantly release him, my mind turning to ooze at his low timbre and my fangs going back to place. I want to beg him to touch me and I probably will.

I don't turn to leave. I can't find it in me. I just stand there, eyes closed, body shaking. I feel his hands on my hips and thank God he kept me from begging. He urges me forward, without actually moving me. He wants me to make the move – he wants me to make every move. So, I step forward again and wait to feel him, without opening my eyes – scared this will all be over before it can even start. He lowers his head ever so slowly and lets his breath wander on my neck, sending shivers down my spine. He kisses my neck so lightly, I have to clench my hands to fists not to grab his head and kiss him passionately. Every move, every brush he's now applying on my neck feels like heaven and hell. I can tell I'm shaking violently, but I can't help myself and I can't think about the fool I'm making of myself. Right now, he's everything.

"Shh…" he whispers in my ear and takes me in his arms, to prevent me from shaking. I feel _so_ much and I haven't even kissed him yet. We've done nothing. The thought of what I'll experience once we do is so over taking I shake once more in his arms, as if experiencing an orgasm. He holds me closer; his face buried in the crook of my neck and stills me. "Why are you shaking?" he murmurs.

_Dear God, Elena, get a grip._ I can't. I fucking can't. Any moment now, I'll leave my body and reach enlightenment, if that's possible for a vampire. "Damon…" my voice is one I don't recognize. I try to step even closer, melt into his skin. He takes me in, head unmoving, his arms still around me tightly. "It's…_you are too much_." I whisper.

"_Elena_, have you changed your mind?" he whispers against my skin, brushing his lips on my collarbone; marking me.

"Yes." I state simply. It's the ultimate truth – everything I've said before has been an illusion. This isn't lust. These aren't hormones. Its pure love – I know now, I'm shaking in his arms because I want him too much. I've wanted him for so long…being a vampire and refusing my need for him pains me. I love Stefan, God I do, but that's puppy love compared to this.

"_Please_, kiss me." I breathe and smooth his hair. I want to take every pain I've ever caused him away as my own. But what he does next is more that I could ever hope for.

He pushes me away, his eyes warm and his smile genuine. "I need you to be _completely_ sure about this. Talk to Stefan – do whatever you have to do. If you still want this after Stefan tells you he'll love you till the end of time, come to me. I'll do so much _more_ than kiss you," another violent shake through my body, "but then I'll never let you go."

I nod silently, grateful he's giving me the chance to do the right thing and keep staring at him. Without breaking our bond, he smirks. "Hi, Blondie."

"Hey caveman." I hear Caroline say. "So guys, I have an idea. How about you stop it with the eye-sex? Both of your siblings are coming."

Damon smiles and when he finally turns to leave, I'm able to look at Caroline. She gives me a glare that says 'you have some explaining to do' and ushers me upstairs. No need to mention, the reason Damon's heading to Bonnie completely forgotten.

* * *

_Damon's POV_

"Hi, Bonnie." I say as sweetly as I can. "Where have you been? We've missed you."

She glares at me and folds her arms on her chest; judgey little thing. Lucky for her, I couldn't be happier right now. My mood is giving me the patience required to retrieve the information without having to threaten her or her mother.

"I don't appreciate the irony Damon. And what's with the name?"

"Isn't your name Bonnie?" I frown and grab the book she's reading from her hands; _Faust – of course. _She knows a thing or two about selling her soul to the devil.

"Not for you, it isn't. What happened to the obnoxious nicknames?"

I give her the book back and stare at her hard eyes. "I've decided I'm going to start paying you some respect. I've apparently underestimated you." At that, she looks around nervously. "So let me buy you a coffee."

"I'm already drinking coffee. I'd like to be left alone."

"Elena's missed you, you know." I say and we both notice my tone softening. The image of Elena shaking in my arms is still fresh and I feel like dancing around in excitement.

"I've missed her too. I was planning to stop by the Boarding House later."

I nod and act like I'm chatting with an old friend, making her feel even more uncomfortable. "Yeah, yeah, you should. I just hope you don't run into Caroline. Poor thing's been sad with the whole Tyler issue, lately."

She snorts and raises her eyebrows at me. "Poor thing, Damon, really? Do you think you're funny?"

"I think I'm adorable, but that's beyond the point." Tired of all the small talk, I decide to cut to the chase. "What did you do, Bonnie?"

"I didn't do anything!" She claims, quickly; too quickly.

"Don't make this harder than it has to be. Tell me what you did, _now_."

She stays silent for a while and part of me expects her to give me a headache. But when she looks up, she's crying. "Oh, _fuck's sake_, don't cry. Here, take this and please start talking." I hand her a napkin and wait patiently. Women shouldn't be allowed to cry; way too much fluid.

"I did what I had to. But, I know, everyone's going to hate me."

"Oh, so you understand what it's like to be me." I say sarcastically. "Carry on."

"It's pretty simple, really. When you left me alone with Klaus in the ware house, I thought about things. About Alaric hunting him down and being so determined to stake him and most of all, about the catastrophic turn our plans usually take. So, I did what I do." I shoot her a questioning look. "A spell, Damon – I did a spell."

"What kind of spell?"

"I did a spell that requires a great amount of power – the kind of power that corrupts. I put Klaus into Tyler's body and Tyler in Klaus'."

With that, she starts crying again and I'm left shocked. Wow, now that is something I didn't expect to happen. "So, Tyler is Klaus."

"Yes."

"And real Tyler is dead."

"Yes." She says with a nod. "I'm _so_ sorry."

"But you don't regret it."

"No."

"_Why_ did you do it?" I ask, finding myself genuinely curious. "And couldn't you use the body of another hybrid?"

"It doesn't work like that. I needed to have a connection and Tyler was the only one who could provide me one." she stares hard into my eyes and I try my best not to blink. "If Klaus died, Tyler was dead anyway. So was Caroline, Stefan and you. I chose the lesser evil."

"I have a hard time believing that you thought about _my_ well-being." I tease.

"I thought about Elena's and I instantly knew I couldn't let you die."

I hate that this is turning to some Oprah talk show, but I can't help myself. "Elena chose _Stefan_, Bonnie. I'm alive because I was lucky enough to have been turned by Klaus, too."

"Oh, that is _bullshit_." She snaps and her eyes darken. "Elena was too much of a…_human, _to know what she wanted. Hell, she was too much of a human to even handle what she wanted – your possessiveness and anger and psychopathic tendencies. Of course she chose Stefan, the man who saved her from dying and to whom she owned her life."

"Gee, thanks."

"_And _who was never the one for her. I knew it all along. I hated you the more for it, but I knew it – before I even knew I was a witch and such a thing as vampires existed. I touched her and saw tall, dark and dangerous – and a crow. You know anything about that?"

I chuckle, unable to help myself at the memory. "Nah, doesn't ring a bell."

"I'm sure it doesn't. So, there you have it."

"Couldn't you have told her I was the one for her and save us all the drama and the bullshit?"

She rolls her eyes and shakes her head. "I'm her friend Damon, not her therapist. I didn't know what half of the things I saw meant. But, even if I did, of course I wouldn't tell her. When you first came here, you weren't the one of her. You were a cold blooded killer."

"I still am." I protest, slightly offended.

"No you aren't. You kill with motive. Kind of like me." she whispers and looks down. I bet she's crying again and this time I feel bad for her. I get her.

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, I don't blame you…entirely. But you're going to be the one to deliver the news to Caroline and Elena. And deal with their rage and tears and misplaced concepts of right and wrong. Deal?"

She nods, still not looking up. "Is there any chance you might know where Klaus is?"

"Not a clue. Why?"

"Elijah's looking for him. I guess his identity will have to do for now."

"Are we in trouble?"

"Aren't we always?" I ask as I stand up, ready to call Elijah and be done with it. "I can handle it, though. Hey, what did you mean - power that corrupts? Don't tell me you're turning to Mr. Hyde too."

"I'll try my best not to." She promises and leaves it at that. "I'll tell the girls tomorrow."

"Don't chicken out Bonnie." I throw behind my back, as I leave The Grill.

* * *

_Elena's POV_

"I thought you'd be gone by now."

Stefan comes in my room and sits on my bed, a little smile playing on his lips. Not that I can blame him. I'm in my PJ's, drinking blood with a straw, hair gathered messily on the top of my head and banging my head lazily against the wall.

"Too early." I state, not interrupting my profitable activity. With enough banging, I've come to realize, I can block some of the painfully loud and accurate sounds my ears catch.

"Any particular reason for what you're doing? What did the wall do?"

"It's the only way to release tension."

I hear him chuckle and my heart warms. It's a nice and rare sound, hearing Stefan chuckle. "I could buy you a punching bag."

"That would be _very_ nice." I say and turn to smile at him. I see he has taken Mr. Bear on his hands, kind of like Damon used to, but not quite right. I chuckle at a memory and Stefan stares questioningly.

"What is it?"

"Nothing." I say but then I giggle some more and the kind curiosity in Stefan's face has me talking. "You're holding Damon's best friend in your hands."

"This one?" he says, pointing at Mr. Bear, amused.

"Yes. Damon named him Mr. Bear because; well…he's a bear."

"Obviously." Stefan says and we both start laughing. "How did they become best friends?"

"During the summer, while looking for you, we used to hang here or at The Grill. But then, at night, I guess Damon got lonely and miserable, even if he never admitted it, and he used to come in my room. I would tell him to leave and he'd tell me to shut up since he wasn't there to see me, but to hang with his best buddy – Mr. Bear. So, he'd lie on my bed with him in his hands and have long talks about life and death and The Simpsons, until I was too tired."

"What happened then?" Stefan asks. His tone has changed from amused to sad and melancholic and his face shows nothing but compassion and understanding.

"Nothing. He'd get up; tuck me in – completely ignoring my protests – and advice Mr. Bear to look out for me." I smile warmly and look at Stefan apologetically.

"I was out killing people and he was here, taking care of you _and_ fighting to get me back." He states, calm and grateful.

"Well, it's not like he had a choice. I can be very irritating when I want to." I laugh a little and sit next to Stefan, on the bed. I can feel the end coming and my heart sinks deep in my chest.

"He had a choice Elena. He could be the self-serving psychopath with no redeeming qualities. And I had a choice too. And I chose to be weak and pitiful, just like always."

"Don't talk like that Stefan. There is nothing you could have done." I feel my heart breaking at his pained expression.

"I'm not so sure." he says, shaking his head. "I could have escaped when the three of you came searching in the mountains. I could have come with you in Chicago – I could have let you vervain me."

"You were trying to protect me from Klaus." I say in a small voice, almost beaten by the hurt his actions still manage to cause me.

"No Elena, I was being an asshole. What about when we came back and he knew you were alive?"

"He compelled you."

"What about when I broke the compulsion and was so fixated in revenge I almost threw you off the bridge? What about when you repeatedly asked me to feel and I was too scared of my guilt? You accepted me, no questions asked. You put your life on the line for me and I was too scared to face my _guilt_."

"It doesn't matter, Stefan. I loved you all along. None of these things make any difference." I almost cry out. I don't want him to ruin the perfect idea of him I have in my head.

"But they do. Because, Damon was a monster when he first came here but his love for you made him evolve to what he is now. And he didn't even have you, for God's sake. I, on the other hand, disappointed you. I know I did Elena."

We stare into each other's eyes long enough, before I can find the right words to say.

"You never let me down, Stefan; never. You saved my life, both physically and metaphorically. You were all a seventeen year old, with practically no family, and big issues, could ask for. And I don't mean you being a vampire – I mean you, being _you_. You gave me reason to wake up in the morning and face the day. Even in your darkest hour, you cared for me. There's nothing you can do to change the good you've brought to my life, so your martyr syndrome will have to deal with that."

"But you're not seventeen anymore. And you're not the girl you once were." He says with a smile sadder than ever.

"No, I'm not." I feel a tear slide down my cheek but Stefan doesn't let it get very far. He strokes my face with his thumb, caressing my pain away.

"Don't be sad, Elena. I only want you to be happy. That's the only thing that matters to me."

"I know, but I need you to understand. I need you to know that this isn't the result of what you did wrong." I cry in his hand and he removes locks of hair from my face, carefully.

"I know that. It's about what he did right. He gave you so many memories - so many things to remember and laugh with. He let you in."

I nod in his hand, relieved that I didn't have to say all those things aloud for him to get it.

"It's not even about him meeting you first." He says simply and to that, I open my eyes.

"How do you know about that?"

"Caroline." He smiles and shrugs. "He was very selfless when he compelled you to forget his love for you. And I'm going to be selfless too."

"You always are."

"Elena." he says and stares at me seriously, trying to make his point very clear. "I don't want you to feel guilty about this. I want you to do what you feel is right. Eternity is a long time to be spent with the wrong person. You don't owe me anything; you owe to yourself to be happy – you've been through enough."

He stands up and I follow him to the door, scared. "I don't want to lose you."

"You won't. I'll be here for as long as you need me. I'll suck it up and be a man. And I will always love and I will always wait for you, but I don't think I'll be getting the girl this time."

"I hate that I did this to you two. I hate that I became _her_."

Stefan's hand takes my chin gently and his eyes meet mine. "You will never be her, Elena. She never had the guts to choose one and leave the other one be. You did. And maybe there's another thing that sets you apart – I was who she loved. It's only normal for Damon to be the one for you."

I don't know what else is left to say. We stare at each other, the realization of what happened still fresh and hurting but then, as if ordered, the front door slams open and Damon's voice fills the house.

"Elena…come on, I'm taking you out for dinner. I'll buy you a blonde one. Nobody needs those anyway – they're good for nothing."

Both Stefan and I smile a little and then he leans to press his lips against my fore head. We stay silent for a moment, before he rushes into his bedroom and I shout at the top of my lungs "I'm coming Damon!"

* * *

I stare at the girl in front of me, but not with as much intensity and hunger as usual. I can't wait to tell Damon what happened. I can't wait to kiss him and have him in my arms and whisper into his ear what a fool I've been for waiting for so long. But first, I need to feed.

"Ok, I'm become repetitive, I know, but you're a terrible student. I need you to try and control yourself. We've already perfected your technique, so there shouldn't be a reason to drown yourself in blood. Drink in small quantities and try to let her go."

I look at him and sigh. "That's the problem – the letting go part."

He sighs and takes the girl – blonde, as he promised – by the shoulders, near me. "I get that, I do. Try and picture her as Caroline or someone you care deeply about. Keep telling yourself you don't want to hurt her; I don't know… you're the one with the morals and everything."

I smile a little and take his appearance in. His hair looks good this long and, is that some new kind of black, or something? Because I know for sure regular black isn't that beautiful. Or maybe it's his eyes that make it that way. Those eyes that can make you lose yourself just like that.

"I have an idea. What if you promise me you'll reward me with a kiss if I step back in time?"

He throws his head back in laughter and I grin widely. Could he be more perfect?

"Well, after all, I do care about the girl's safety." He smirks and I have to fight really hard not to shake again. "Ok then, Gilbert. Step back in time and I'll kiss you senseless."

He leaves me no time to concentrate. His grabs the girl's wrist and shoves it in my mouth. Overwhelmed by the rush of blood pumping under her delicate skin, I pierce her skin with two neat wounds and dive in. I know I only have five to seven seconds before Damon withdraws me. I take one gulp of blood and my mind goes blank. It's too good, too perfect to stop; so much power and happiness and satisfaction. I am vaguely aware that three seconds have passed.

_Damon will be hurt if you don't stop. He'll think he's not worthy enough. Are you going to hurt him again or are you going to start making it up to him? Leave the girl now and who knows, maybe you'll get to taste Damon's blood. LEAVE HER ELENA – NOW._

One second before Damon moves to grab my waist and usher me aside, I let the girl go and rush to the other side of the wall, face buried in my hands. It's painful and wrong having to stop. It feels so good – her blood was heaven. I can barely concentrate enough to not throw myself at her again, but as Damon feeds her his blood and her wound closes, things start getting easier and I'm left with the pleasure her blood gave me and the pride of what I accomplished.

"I'm deeply impressed." Damon says, while the girl leaves. He's proud of me and he's not hiding it. "I didn't think you'd stop."

"I knew I had better things waiting for me." I say simply and look into his eyes lovingly.

"Better than blood?"

"Yes, better than blood. Better than everything, I suppose."

I rush into his arms and he meets me halfway. The moment I'm in arms length, he grabs my hips and with one swift movement has my legs encircling his waist. I chuckle and put my arms around his neck, straddling him better that way. His hands rest lightly on my ass, like he's holding a weightless box. He hasn't kissed me yet and my breaths come out in pants and rags. He stares into my eyes, slightly beneath me, and his lips curve into a lopsided smile, that creates a pool of wetness between my legs. He removes one hand from my ass to my neck. The moment he touches the back of my neck, my eyes shut closed – using all my senses right now is not a good idea.

He directs me to his mouth slowly and steadily, but before our lips can meet I feel his breath on my mouth. "Open your eyes."

I force my eyes open and then, it happens. He kisses me with all his might. His hands, back on my ass, squeeze me gently and urge me forwards, pressing me against his body and his erection. I shove my fingers in his soft hair and open my mouth, letting his tongue inside. Expecting it, actually; welcoming it. He starts stroking mine and I moan in his mouth, unable to hold back what the combination of his tongue, hands and lips are doing to me.

"Take us home." I talk into his mouth, not sure if he heard me. I stop kissing him, only to whisper into his ear. "Stefan told me he'll love me till the end of time, but I still want you. So, please, take us home."

He nods urgently and rushes us to the car, not for one moment letting me down to my own feet.

* * *

_Come on,did you really expect everything to be in one chapter?I couldn't write smut even if I wanted to - it's a 2am here and I'm falling asleep on the keyboard (hence any typo you might detect) Other than that,I was playing Walking on Sunshine while writing that scene between Stefan and Elena because I was just that happy. And yes, I'll try and write smut next chapter and I hope I won't fail miserably. *crosses fingers* _

_My need for sleep saves you from having to hear me talk on and on and on. So, thank you for being here! I absolutely appreciate all of any thoughts you may have. Or not, it's up to you. Yours, s. _


	15. Chapter 15

__**Warning: This chapter contains adult material. If you feel uneasy reading it, feel free to skip it. **

* * *

_Damon's POV_

_Nerve-wreck_ would be the proper word to describe my current state. I've gone back to a very distant past of mine, where I was a seventeen year old almost _scared_ of a woman and her body. Years and years of experience and skills that make the female population beg for it, have been simply erased from my mind. And it's all because I'm forced to patiently drive back to the Boarding House, with Elena sitting inches away from me, and experience all the longing and impatience and electricity heaving the air and rising steadily by the second. I never thought I'd hate my car as much as I do right now. Why the hell didn't I just rush her away using vampire speed? It'd still take some time, but at least I'd be doing something rather than uncomfortably sitting here.

Anticipation makes things even sweeter – or so I thought at the moment. _Fucking moron;_ that's what I am.

I throw one quick look at her and catch her staring at me, her lips curled into a small smile. I don't know how much of the stress I'm feeling shows on my face, but I'd guess enough, since she extends her arm and places her hand on my thigh – squeezing reassuringly.

Now that squeeze – that squeeze is an open indication for what's to come and it fucks with my head even more. This _cannot_ be happening. I've fantasized about her so many times – if I only had a penny for every scenario that's played in my head starring Elena. Wasn't this the purpose of it all? Having her trust me enough to allow me into her bed and heart and let everything else take its natural course after that? I've fucking earned this moment.

_Only you never thought it'd actually come true. _This is reality; not one of my stupid, clichéd teenage dreams. She's apparently come to terms with the fact that she wants me and I'm sitting here like a gawking idiot, wondering what _it will be like_.

Well, more of _how it should be like_. I'm terrified of how I should proceed with this. I'm a controversy standing. Part of me wants to just take her – the part that's become irritated from all the pent up sexual frustration she's caused me over the summer. Another part wants to prolong this as much as possible – taste her, kiss every inch of her, cherish every cheesy moment, watch her facial expressions, memorize her sighs and moans and do things that'll extend this throughout the entire night. I want to bite her, yet I feel like I should be gentle and caring and bring part of the humanity she misses so much back.

My consciousness reminds me of Bonnie's words earlier today – _human Elena couldn't handle what you are. _Maybe it'd be stupid to pretend she still is fragile, human Elena – after all, that Elena didn't choose me. She was my brother's girl and she never found the strength to accept what we have. And, with the exception of Denver, she was never the type to just ask for what she wanted, like she just did. Oh, I _loved_ how she did that.

I'm forced out of my thoughts, when my feet instinctively park outside the house. I stare at Elena and grin back at her – she looks scared and excited and there's that sparkle in her eyes that even death couldn't demolish. And it's all for me. We get out of the Camaro and make our way inside the house in boring, human speed. As I said, I'm a standing controversy. My slow pace allows me to admire the seductive sway of her hips as she walks ahead of me and put it in my head that this is actually happening.

We get inside the house and stand still for a second – or an eternity; it's not like I can be sure of anything else other than Elena right now. We're both trying to pick up any sounds that will ruin this for us but nothing – thankfully – can be heard.

"Stefan's not here." I say and notice how my voice comes out lower and dripping with lust I was hoping wouldn't surface so shamefully.

"Yeah, and Jeremy's sleeping." Her voice is as low and sinful as mine and she moves her body, so she can face me.

"I hope he is. I'd hate a repeat of Denver."

She smiles warmly and takes another step at my direction. Just the sight of her, has me hard and ready – the thought that I'll be able to touch her and kiss her and worship her as much as I please, is the best aphrodisiac I could ask for. I've needed her so much, for so long – only now am I able to fully understand to what extends my love for her goes.

"Well, maybe we should move this to a room then. Just in case…"

I nod and let her lead the way. It's not that she'll be doing much leading any time soon. She takes my hand in hers and intertwines our fingers. I've always imagined Elena to be a romantic when it comes to sex – or love-making, she may call it – and I'm probably about to be proven right. She goes inside her room for a while before entering mine, with a smile that has now turned to shy. I look at her hands and chuckle with what they're holding.

"Music?" I point to her I-Pod.

"Music." She answers breathlessly.

I smile and let her do what she feels is best. After all, this is about pleasuring Elena – all my happiness comes from pleasuring and making her feel safe. And she's finally letting me do just that. She connects her I-Pod with a jack and looks for a song I'm extremely curious and eager to hear. When 'Fade Into You' – one decent song among the horrible ones that were released in the 90's – starts playing, I can't help but wish I was human. I'd have a heart beat and maybe the way I'm sure it would accelerate, right this moment, would make Elena see what she's putting me through.

I patiently wait for her to gather the courage to turn around and face me. I see her square her shoulders and draw in a deep breath, before, in one sudden movement, speeding and coming to stand right in front of me. She gives me one last, lingering look before reaching out to cup my face with her palms. At the same moment, my hands make their way to her waist and rest there lightly, wanting to secure her. The moment we touch, though, serves as a spark to ignite a fire. In a nanosecond, my mind goes blank and I instinctively use the grip on her waist to bring her closer. She uses her hands on my face in the same manner and when our lips touch, I swear I can see stars.

I've never kissed before – even when it was Elena I was kissing. None of our previous encounters can compare to this. Not even mind blowing sex with other women through the years can compare to this. How will I survive if _this_ is taken away from me? Nothing can compare. Now, _we_ are finally, truly kissing. The way she moves her hands from cupping my face to caressing my hair, to rubbing my shoulders only to finally have them resting on my chest is hypnotizing. I encircle her body fully, taking her in my embrace; not too eager to touch her yet. I just want to enjoy this kiss. I want to enjoy how her lips are moving slowly and rhythmically with mine and how she opens her mouth, asking for my tongue to massage hers. I want to enjoy how she's given herself completely to this. I can trace no doubt or hesitation in the way her tongue plays with mine and allows me to win our silly game for dominance. There's no fear in the way her hands wander at my chest and move at my sides, tugging my black T-shirt up.

I move my arms and let her get it off of me. She slightly gasps at the sight of my exposed torso and I feel grateful I got to see the day Elena Gilbert didn't hide her feelings and reactions when it came to me. She goes partly numb, as if realizing what we're about to finally do, so I lean and kiss her lips again. Before she can occupy her hands touching me, I swiftly get rid of her long-sleeved shirt. The sight of her in her bra, looking timid and unsure of her beauty, is easily the most poignant and memorable thing I've witnessed.

Suddenly, all of my earlier worries are gone. Mazzy Star's song keeps repeating without becoming tiring, and Elena stares at the barely there distance between our bodies, waiting for me to reassure her that it's all ok. So, I remove her bra too and before she can feel uneasy, I take her in my arms bridal style and lay her on the bed. I place my body on top of hers, carefully supporting my entire weight on my palms, and look inside her eyes.

"Do you still want to do this?" I whisper, with a voice I didn't know I could produce.

She nods and laces her hands around my neck. "I'm scared." She accepts huskily.

To that, I can relate. "What are you scared of?" I cover her face with kisses and vaguely wonder how am I able to prolong my need to be inside her for so long. _You love her, that's how. You want this to truly be perfect for her. You want her to enjoy this so much, she never leaves you again. _

"I'm scared of everything I'm feeling. I'm scared of how you make me feel – now more than ever." She whispers in my ear and then kisses the side of my face and grabs my earlobe between her teeth, sending a shiver down my body and straight to my cock. I sigh and handle my now aching arousal.

"You saved my life, Elena." I murmur in the crook of her neck and with the acceptance of that, all of my patience is gone.

* * *

_Elena's POV_

His sultry tone and whispers already have me in a state of bliss. But his last statement is the one which brings me peace and allows me to completely give in to the sensations taking over my body. I feel his lips on my neck, and then on my shoulders; down my arms, back on my chest…they don't stay in one place for long. Not until they find my breasts. The muscles of my tummy spasm and I gasp a little, the moment he kisses one already hard nipple. I shut my eyes closed and if I wasn't too excited or too happy, I would probably have laughed with the situation. So much for fighting my feelings and claiming I'd never kiss him.

_Damon Salvatore is placing hot, open mouthed kisses on your left breast. _

I don't have time to think about how right and pleasant it sounds, because an intense pleasure, connected directly with the throbbing between my legs, takes over. Damon is kissing and licking and nipping on my breasts and my hands itch for some contact. I move them to his back and sigh at how smooth and incredible his cool skin feels. Without stopping, he moves his right hand down and without further ado, pops the button of my jeans open. I shiver a little when his fingers gingerly move the zipper down and he stops kissing me to remove my jeans. I lift my hips and keep my eyes closed, loving how the contact with fabric is replaced with his strong yet smooth hands along my thighs and hips. When two seconds pass without anything happening, I force my eyes open.

Damon's on his knees, between my opened legs and he's staring at my almost naked body with deep affection. I don't feel the slightest hint of embarrassment. I only wish to be able to admire his body the same way soon. Thoughts that, in the past, I would have considered shameful or out of consideration, nestle in my mind and have me sitting up and reaching for his pants. I kiss his abs and chest, while undoing his belt. Damon's hands find their way through my hair and I hear him moan very low in his throat – bless the vampire hearing – as he keeps my lips on his skin. I am fully aware of his erection – I've been fully aware of it from the moment we kissed in that alley. Either way, the moment I drag his jeans down his hips, I stop kissing him and focus my attention on his black boxer briefs.

"Elena…" Damon breathes, his fingers still holding the back of my head. His tone indicates how much he needs me to release him from his boxers or he'll do it himself. I reach out and get him completely naked. I swallow the big lump that forms inside my throat at the sight of his penis. "Good girl." Damon sighs.

He pushes me on my back again, and comes to hover above my body. He kisses me passionately and for a moment, I'm so taken aback, I almost don't hear him tearing my panties off - _almost_. I smile against his mouth and I'd bet everything he smirks back. Little things like that are what make him Damon. His hand slides between our bodies, slowly stroking my stomach and belly button along the way and rests on the inside of my thighs. I shake with anticipation but he only sighs, as if this is all too much. His head is buried deep in my neck. My nails are leaving marks on his back – marks I wouldn't be able to leave unless I was a vampire. His right hand's fingers are playing with my thighs and hips.

"Open your legs Elena." he orders in a whisper and my body obeys willingly. The moment he touches me where I most want him gives me a little orgasm of its own. He's been building me up without me even realizing it. Whatever he does next, I'm sure will feel amazing, judging from what something as one little touch did to me. I try to hold back a powerful moan as he starts gently rubbing my folds and gathering wetness. The moment he locates the bundle of nerves and presses down, my eyes roll and I let out a sigh that pretty much sums up everything I'm feeling.

I take his face and start kissing him everywhere I can, while he slips two fingers inside me. When I find his mouth, I kiss and moan in it and he moves his fingers faster. I want him inside me so badly, but I also want – _need_ – release.

"Damon, _please_." I sigh, before I can control myself.

It takes nothing really. Just a tiny little pressure on the bundle of nerves from his thumb and his two fingers crooking and easily finding my G-spot, for me to experience one of the best orgasms I've ever had. "_Oh my God!"_

Unlike all other orgasms, this one leaves me barely satisfied. Or, it's Damon's mouth sucking on my nipple and his hardness pressing on my stomach that leaves me asking for more. Either way, with boldness so atypical of the old Elena, I grab his erection and position him at my entrance. He moans at the contact and forces his head up to stare to into my eyes. His pupils are dilated and his gaze is hooded and dark with lust. I pump my hand up and down a few times, but he slowly takes both of my hands and places them above my head, intertwined with his own. I put both legs around his waist and see him groan lowly. We press our bodies even closer and when our eyes finally lock, I nod. With one sudden, graceful movement he's inside me.

For a second, time stops for both of us. The expression of intense pleasure and satisfaction on Damon's face is so livid and mirrors what I'm feeling so perfectly, I can't help but gasp. Vampire or not, I need oxygen. He tilts his head on the side for a second, as if questioning my presence or if what just happened is real, and when I lift my hips up a little, a wide smile spreads across his face. He starts moving inside me, setting a steady rhythm. He thrusts hard and I do all that I can to take him completely in. Everything is too much though – his movements, the way he so completely and perfectly fits me, his eyes staring back at me, his thumbs being careful enough to stroke my hands gently while he thrusts forcefully inside me – and soon enough, I feel myself climax again. This isn't sex effect – not even vampire – sex effect; it's simply _his_ effect.

He senses my vaginal walls tighten and his eyes shut closed. I can't understand how he's holding back, so in control. I'm practically loosing it.

"Damon," I whimper and close my eyes "I'm _so_ close."

"Come." He whispers in my ear and I immediately do, accompanied by moans and sighs that would have shamed me if I wasn't shaking in Damon's arms violently. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I realize he hasn't reached his release yet and it kind of worries me, but the intense pleasure overtaking my body in waves doesn't let me over think. I sigh, content and keep him close to me. He lets me catch my breath for about five seconds and then, earning a small scream from me, he sits us both in the middle of the bed. Still inside me and still very hard, he wraps my legs around his torso and gives his hips a thrust upwards.

"What are you doing?" I whisper and stare at him through hooded eyes. I already want him again.

"Ever heard of multiple orgasms?" he asks huskily and gives his hips another shove, making me moan.

"You haven't had any this far." I mutter guiltily.

"Tonight's about you." He says simply and grabs my mouth. I can feel the restrain and almost pain in his voice and face. I start moving my hips up and down and don't break our lips' contact for one moment. I decide I want him to orgasm with me this time, so I put pressure on my hips and take him in fully. I run my nails through his chest and watch the cuts that let out his blood disappear rapidly. My own desire to taste his blood, gives me an idea.

"You feel so good." I moan the truth in his ear and kiss his neck and collarbone. He groans in response and I feel his restraint crumbling down. "Bite me."

I slow down my movements, deliberately halting my release and wait for his response. He looks at me through half-closed, hazy eyes and starts saying something. With a somehow violent up-down of my hips that has him panting, I repeat myself. "Bite me, Damon."

Without any further ceremony, he lets his vampire face appear. He starts meeting my once again frantic movements eagerly and the moment I start repeating his name like prayer from the intense waves of pleasure, he lets out his fangs and pierces the skin of my neck. At that, all thought in my head is lost. My body jerks violently in his arms and I scream in pleasure. Knowing he's near too, I try the only thing that's left to do. I let out my own fangs and without any notification, bite in the artery of his neck.

I can't register much of what happens next. I reach a gleeful state of nirvana and Damon follows me after two powerful thrusts.

"_Fuck._" He mouths, head resting on my shoulder. I'm completely and entire spent, but he manages to gather enough strength to lay us both on the bed. I fall on top of him clumsily and he squeezes me as decently as he can, given the current state we're in. Words can't come close to even describing the overwhelming mass of emotions I'm feeling. _This is what vampire loves feels like_. This is how he's loved me every day in the past couple of years.

We stay like that for over an hour. The sweet taste of his blood is still fresh in my mouth and mind. He tasted delicious; better than any human. When I'm finally able to move my eyes and look at him, I see he's equally tired and satisfied. He stares back at me and then it hits me: I just had sex with Damon. No, correction, I just made love to Damon; earth-shattering, life-changing vampire-love.

"I can't believe this happened." I whisper, because I can't raise my voice higher.

"Any regrets?" he asks carefully.

I kiss the skin my face is resting on and sigh. "My only regret is that I waited this long."

I don't need to look at him to know he's smirking and grinning smugly. His fingers trace patters down my bare back and I close my eyes, feeling my senses go numb. "So, what does this mean?" he asks.

I force myself to answer. "It means you can do things like this to me as many times as you want, kiss me in public, be a jackass knowing I'll forgive you either way…" I trail off, too tired to form coherent thoughts.

* * *

_Damon's POV_

I feel her go limp in my arms and keep very still, so I don't wake her. I start drifting off too. I want to think about what just happened, but I can make my eyes stay open. Either way, I'll probably relive this particular memory everyday for the rest of my existence, so I'll be having plenty of time to over analyze every detail and feeling and high-peek of what happened.

I barely held myself from shouting stupid 'I love you-s' through it all. I didn't want to freak her out. I feel a bit uneasy and Elena, as if sensing my discomfort, rolls her naked body off of me and falls with her back at my direction. I smile at the vision her bare back is creating and throw the white sheet of my bed over her body. She grabs my wrist in vampire speed and spoons my body against hers. I let her back nest in my chest and close my eyes, wondering if I'll ever be happier than this.

"_Damon…_" I hear her sigh before my mind completely shuts down everything.

* * *

_Dear God, I actually did it.I never thought it have no idea how many times this chapter has been written and one point I thought it sucked so much I considered dropping the story for the sake of not being able to write this one chapter.I don't know what you thought of it while reading - hope you share through your reviews - but I will say couple of ,I know dark,rush Damon is very appealing and I've read plenty stories with him behaving like that,but I honestly don't think his first time with Elena will be anything but caring and passionate and ,this is what came out. Secondly,I hope you all listen to the song I mentioned here because it kind of lead to this chapter. Thank God for music._

_I'll understand if you hate isn't my thing. :/ But i had to try. Thank you for being here.I appreciate all your reviews and , S. Oh, and please excuse any typos. _


	16. Chapter 16

_Elena's POV_

Once a vampire, you don't get to simply turn the world off and sleep in, just for the sake of it. So I've learnt during my first month as a newly-turned. I wake up, every morning, with intense light piercing my eyelids, even if I try my best to darken the room the night before. The sun just won't have it. And if the light isn't enough, I have to deal with infinite amount of sounds. Repetitive, irritating to the core, sounds that make me want to snap and kill people. I wake up to the sound of Damon's humming under the shower, Stefan's muffled breaths as he does push-ups each day or – the worst sound of them all – Jeremy's heartbeat and blood rush. After I take all of it in and try my best to calm my vicious instincts, I'm forced to deal with emotions that are ready to crash and burn every wall I've put up to restrict them. This has been going on, on a daily basis, ever since I turned.

It is not the case today though. This morning, I wake up by the presence of Damon's arms wrapped tightly around me. My body registers the contact once I come into consciousness and my eyes flutter open in anticipation. The room is dark and silent. Distant sounds make their way to my ears, but they're easy to ignore with the cozy atmosphere Damon has created in here. Sometime during the night, right after he woke us up and decided he felt like having another round of mind-blowing sex, he got up and made sure to close every curtain, turn off every electrical appliance, stop water drops from casually falling from his showerhead and – can he control weather conditions? Because, I swear to God, I can't even hear the wind or leaves rustling outside the Boarding House.

I glance around the room. There is no way to tell what time it is. Damon has me possessively claimed in his arms in a fetal position – completely naked underneath the sheets. My face is buried in his neck and me eyes are the only thing allowed to wander around. His body is so warm and relaxed, I feel a sudden giddiness pass through me. The fact that he's made sure nothing interrupts my sleep today has me so overwhelmed, with happiness and comfort, I almost feel like singing - something I never do for the sake of the people surrounding me. I smile and press my knees on my chest, trying to make him tighten his grip on my body. He instinctively does and I push my face deeper in his neck. If it's even possible, Damon moves his head so I have more space to assault him.

I place one soft kiss on his jaw and before I know it, I've drifted off again, completely relaxed and in control.

* * *

_Damon's POV_

Do I need to tell you what it feels like having Elena's body pressed tightly against mine during the entire night?

Of course I do; I'm too cocky not to. Plus, this is the highlight of my existence. The ultimate wish, come true. No matter what happens now on, she'll never be able to look me in the eyes and tell me that we're not right, or that I can't make her happy. Because I did, like six times last night. And it wasn't just the sex – it was the lingering looks, soft caresses, whispered promises she was all too eager to make. Not to mention blood sharing. I can't remember the last time I was that gentle in bed.

_You've never been that gentle in bed, jackass. _

Right, that's why. Not even with Katherine, whom I genuinely adored, did I play nice and soft. Though that was due to the fact she liked it rough; at least from me. Maybe she was saving all the lovey-dovey bullshit for when she was in bed with Stefan.

_Okayyy, let's not go there._

Back to the divine creature currently sleeping in my arms - _God,_ the sounds she was making; and her face and her body and…I just got hard again. She was so breathtakingly beautiful, I had to fight with what power I had left not to come the moment I was inside her. But, you know, her pleasure above all. Her pleasure means my pleasure – and last night was full of it.

I don't know where it all came from. I don't know what changed in the past month. Her choice to be with Stefan is still nagging me somewhere in the back of my mind. As much as I don't want to deal with it, I'll have to. She told me they'd ended it and I believed her – Elena's not the kind of person to lie about things like that. She wouldn't have slept with me if she wasn't absolutely positive it was what she wanted. Which, I saw last night, it was. But the selfish, masochistic, self-destructive vampire in me wants to know what changed. When did she stop making excuses about us?

And if last night was about lust and vampire hormones and she decides to stay single for a couple of hundred years and search for the meaning of existence, I'll fucking kill myself. After what happened, I'm going to want her every day. I told her I wasn't letting her go. All that is right now is Elena.

She stirs and rolls from my chest on her back, next to me. With my hands freed, I check my cell phone for the time. It's 10 a.m. but everything's pretty much still serene. I wonder where Stefan is. Did he sense what was going to happen and saved himself from all the hurt – unlike me oh-so-many-times? Or did he take Elena dumping his sorry ass so badly he bolted? It better not be the last.

Elena mumbles incoherently in her sleep. I turn to my side and pay her the attention she deserves. Her profile is as perfect as they get. She looks calm and satisfied. She puts both hands above her head and gives me a sight of her naked chest. Put this morning on the top of my 'rare days when life wasn't being a bitch' list.

I slide my body on top of hers and start applying soft kisses on her face. She sighs a little and arches her head backwards, guiding me to her neck. I kiss and nip and lick and taste her. Then, I move to her breasts and let the sheet fall on top of me. It's peaceful – having nothing but Elena's olive-toned skin and the whiteness of the sheets around me. Elena's muscles tighten involuntarily under my touch and I smile proudly. In about ten seconds, she'll be completely awake. I move lower between her legs, but before I can reach my destination, I hear her laugh and stop any movement.

Damn, I keep forgetting she's a badass vampire now.

"Damooon…" she sighs playfully.

"_Yeees?_" I answer in the same manner and breathe at the side of her thigh.

"Let me see your face." She notices my refusal to move and pushes the sheets down, until my head is out. She looks down at my face and bursts laughing. In my bedroom – Elena's laughing, naked, while I'm between her legs, _in my bedroom_.

O happy day.

"You're adorable." She giggles. "Mind telling me what you think you're doing?"

"Saying good morning." I smirk at her and she laughs again.

"Come say good morning like a civilized human being would." She ruffles my hair and I bite on her wrist before pouting at her.

"But I'm not a human being. And I'm definitely not civilized."

"So I noticed last night." She rests on her forearms then, bringing her upper body up and circles my back with her long legs, nudging me up. "Come here. I want to kiss you."

Now that's a sentence I can get used hearing.

I let her move me up, while those sinfully toned legs massage my lower back, and kiss her softly. "Good morning." I murmur in between kisses.

She smiles and lies on the pillow again, making me rest my chin on her cleavage. "This is nice." Her hands trace circles on my back and she stares at the ceiling with a big smile.

"It would be nicer if you'd let me get my way." I say and play with her right breast.

"My body needs some time to recover from your special _skills_."

I look at her and decide that now is a good time to discuss about the soon-to-appear-elephant in the room. "I know this is shit insecure girls usually say, but we should talk."

She's on her forearms again and eyeing me warily. "About what?"

"You think there's nothing to talk about?" I'd be more than happy to let it go, but I know she'll suffer martyrdom symptoms sooner rather than later.

"There is." Here's the Elena I know and love. "I was hoping I could avoid it, I guess."

"Why is that?" I lower my chin on her stomach, so I don't hurt the flat bone of her ribcage and catch her eyes.

"Because I don't have a solid excuse as to why I hurt you so much that night and then I decided you were right for me one month later." she rushes it all out but I'm fast enough to capture and be happy about the whole 'you are right for me' part.

"No need for excuses - just the truth." she shakes her head in what seems to be shame, so I give her one of the smirks she loves to hate. "I promise I won't judge; not with your legs wrapped so tightly around me."

"I really messed you up that night, didn't I?"

I sigh and roll on my side. She turns too, facing me with an apologizing look. I realize I haven't talked about the night she died with anyone up until this moment.

"I mean…I thought I was going to die." That was the last thing bothering me, but I hate coming clean and exposed. "When you called, I could have easily let the matter of 'who is it going to be' go. But I didn't. Some really twisted part of me, needed to know. So, in a way, I'm responsible for being messed with, too."

"But…" Elena stares deep into my eyes and her lips quiver. She extends her hand and lets it rest on my cheek. I close my eyes at her touch; not having to drown into the abyss of hers makes confessing easier.

"But, I honestly thought that, for once, it was going to be me. And then, when you told me it would always be Stefan, I was mad you didn't lie to me so I could at least go in peace. It's pretty pathetic, isn't it?"

"Not really, it isn't." Her voice is barely a whisper. "Though, it was you who assumed it was _always_ going to be Stefan; I told you I couldn't think about always."

I shrug and open my eyes. "Nevertheless, you did choose him. I was more than ready to let Alaric stake me."

"Why didn't you?"

"I fought out of habit. I guess I wanted some time to think about the good times we'd had together." _Wow, where is this waterfall of emotion coming from?_ "When he was about to stake me, he – you – died."

"Did…" She swallows hard. "Did you, like…?"

"What, know? Yeah, I figured out _you _were dying somewhere, too." My lungs tighten at the memory. "I thought I'd go crazy – honestly, I'm surprised I didn't lose it there and then. I needed to make sure you were really gone before I could set myself on fire."

"You would have killed yourself?" she asks, in complete horror.

"Of course, Elena." I roll my eyes at her. "Stefan would too. He'd be guilty and I'd be…alone and miserable and with no one nagging me to be the better man."

She stays silent for a minute. "When you asked me who it would be, I instantly thought about Stefan and everything he's done for me; everything I've done for him. He saved my life. I put every person I've ever loved in danger, just to be with him. I gave him _everything_ and, in a way, he did too. I wanted to bring him back to me with a stubbornness that only love justifies. I guess, all in all, I figured a love like that can't just fade away. And it doesn't; not really."

I do want to break something, but I might as well let her finish. After all, she's in bed with _me_ right now, not Stefan.

"We were _so_ good, until we weren't. Somewhere along the way, I changed. Maybe it was your influence, maybe it was his behavior, or maybe it was just me – growing up. I mean, we've always had a _thing_, but I never considered cheating on Stefan. The possibility of being with anyone that wasn't Stefan was absurd. Are you following me?"

"I'm waiting for the good stuff." I joke halfheartedly.

"Like when you kissed me on the porch and I didn't pull away. Or, when I let you sleep in my bed and help me cook. There was the time I was jealous of Rebecca and the time Stefan bit me and you brought me here and promised you'd never leave me again… and, of course, Denver."

"Ah, _Denver…_"

"What I'm trying to say, Damon, is that even as a human I was trying to find reasons not to be with you. And I could always find plenty. But the thought of being with you was always there, messing with my mind; scaring me. I had to fight it for the sake of everyone."

"And now…?"

"Now I'm a vampire and I can't fight it any longer. I won't." She comes to sit on top of me, her legs on each side of my body. "I'm sorry about that night…I'm sorry about _everything_ I've put you though."

I take her face and lower it, so I can kiss her. "It was worth it. _You_ are worth it."

Just when I'm about to carry on with what was interrupted when she woke up, I hear Stefan and Caroline enter the house and slam the door closed. In the same time, Jeremy's feet fall from his bed on the floor, signaling he's awake and ready to claim his title as cockblocker of the year.

Elena sighs in frustration as we both stop devouring each other and eavesdrop on the conversation downstairs.

"…_I mean, if he doesn't come back soon I'll go bring him myself. You'd think he'd miss me. It's been almost a month."_

Caroline talking about her dead boyfriend, Tyler, whose body is currently being used by Klaus; I wonder how Blondie will deal with that.

"_Suspicious, if you ask me - especially with Klaus having survived and all. How come he hasn't come looking for his revenge yet?"_ Stefan questions in a sad voice. _"Thanks for keeping me company all night long Caroline."_

"_Don't mention it. Always glad to help."_

I glance at Elena and smile at her reassuringly, before starting to get dressed. At least Blondie's done something right. Who would have thought she'd stop being a pain in the ass as a vampire?

"_Part of me just wants to take off, you know? Get away from everything. But I promised Elena I wouldn't."_

Elena's fully dressed now and she looks rather confused about how to proceed. I sit on the bed and wait patiently for her to make a decision. I'm not going to force her into anything but it'll sting like a bitch if she gets out there and keeps last night a secret.

In the meantime, my attention focuses back downstairs. _"You shouldn't. You said it yourself – who knows when will Klaus pop up and bring hell? Besides, Elena needs all of us to be here."_

I hear both of them make their way upstairs and, in the same time, Jeremy coming from the third floor. Elena looks trapped and I think she might just hit me for just sitting here, doing absolutely nothing.

"_Wow, who would have thought Caroline Forbes would turn into a vampire guru? Let me just say, it's impressive."_ Stefan's voice is way too close now.

"_I know! Vampirism is like my bitch. Elena, wake up!"_

They meet Jeremy just outside Stefan's room, at the other end of the hallway. Elena – her back turned to me – takes one deep breath and turns around. I shrug at her.

"I'm coming Caroline!" she shouts. Well, it's not like she could have avoided getting out of my room. She comes my way and grabs my hand. She forces me up – vampire strength and all – and heads to the door. When she opens it, we're faced with an awe-struck but instantly smiling Caroline, Jeremy's expressionless face – who's probably already aware of last night – and the poker face my brother is successfully pulling through.

I can read him though – I can read every single emotion he's experiencing. He's hurting, but he's trying his best not to ruin this for Elena. Part of him thinks he deserves it – that he brought us together by his own stupid behavior. I'm still majorly pissed off with Stefan, but, surprisingly, a feeling I haven't experienced since my human days takes over. Every time Stefan would get hurt, physically or emotionally, I'd look into his eyes and share his pain. It was something I had no control over and it was a feeling that belonged to me only; or, maybe, it belongs to all big, over-protective brothers.

As I stare into his eyes now, I'm taken back to a time when all I knew for Stefan was brotherly love. I feel his pain and it kind of crushes me.

Since Elena's point is already out there, I softly let go of her hand and wince. I'm so utterly and completely happy she decided to make this public, yet I don't want to keep hurting Stefan. I know firsthand how much seeing a woman you love with someone else sucks – hell, that's all I've known.

Nope, little bro's already too miserable on his own. Let's not add to that.

Of course it's Caroline who breaks the uncomfortable silence. "Elena, Jeremy – breakfast?"

"Only if you make me pancakes." Jeremy says and follows Caroline downstairs. Elena gives my hand one last squeeze before following too. I keep looking at Stefan. I want to tell him something, but I'm not sure what that something is. What could make this better?

He gets in his room but, before he can slam the door closed, I follow in vampire speed and enter too.

"I'm fine Damon."

"You better be. Going back into Ripper mode would be…inconvenient."

"I'm not going back into Ripper mode." He still won't face me.

"Ok. Well." Ugh, I might as well cut him some slack. "I forgive you. You know, for practically allowing Elena to die. I forgive you and you should forgive yourself too."

He definitely didn't expect that. His face when he turns around shows complete confusion and shock. "I honestly thought you'd use _that _as an excuse to turn my life into a living hell for the next millennia or so."

"Nah, you don't need my help for that." I'm certain some of his pain is gone; a small amount, but still. "I'm goanna go feed now."

Maybe Elena was doomed to love us both, all along. Maybe all the Petrova females were cursed to participate into sick love triangles. What makes Elena so different from Katherine and many others before her is the way she handled things. She didn't just want me to be the better man. She turned me into one. And if Katherine's games gave me the desire to kill my brother, Elena's presence in my life only makes me want to save our relationship.

And I know I would have wanted to save whatever we have with Stefan, even if she'd chosen him ultimately.

* * *

_Elena's POV_

"Why are we waiting for Bonnie in your car?"

Caroline has gone into crazy mode. "Because I want you to spill and the Boarding House is not the place for gossip right now."

I roll my eyes at her giddiness. My heart is breaking for Stefan. I wanted to reach out and hug him when I saw the look in his eyes earlier. But that wouldn't help anyone; he'll need space and he'll need time to get used to everything.

"You had sex with Damon, didn't you?"

Ok, so I may want to talk about it. Finally accepting Damon and his feelings has taken a burden, I was unknowingly carrying, off my shoulders.

"More than sex; we…we shared blood and, this'll sound cheesy but, we connected."

"Well, at least you're not in denial land anymore." She punches my arms when she sees me smiling like an idiot. "I spent the entire night watching movies with Stefan. He told me that he needed a friend so I kind of figured…"

"He must be hurting really bad."

"It's not like this is a win-win situation. Someone was bound to get hurt. You did the right thing, Elena." Her reassurance really makes me feel better. "What do you think caveman will do now?"

"I suppose we're going to try and be together; if that ever works. I'll probably end up staking him or vice versa."

Bonnie knocks on Caroline's side window and gives us both a questioning look. Caught up in our conversation, I didn't hear her arrive. I quickly get out and make my way to hug her – as always, the tempting smell of blood is there to make me hate myself for seeing my best friend as meal.

"We thought you'd never come back." I say, as Caroline keeps hugging her. I envy her control.

"We thought you didn't want to come back!" She shouts and grabs Bonnie's hand, leading us inside.

"Actually," Bonnie halts and sits on the stairs outside the front door, making us do the same. "I think I'll move with mom for a while. Finish the school year there."

"What? Why? What's wrong?" Caroline looks pissed off but I'm not completely surprised. I've known something has been off with Bonnie for a while now.

"There's something I need to tell you guys; especially you, Caroline."

_Shit's about to hit the fan_.

Caroline touches Bonnie's knee lovingly. "I'm listening."

"Both of you are going to hate me after I tell you."

I feel the need to interfere. "There's nothing you can say that'll make us hate you. I'm sure of that."

"Yeah, we're the 'Make Love, Not War' Club." We try to joke, but Bonnie's expression is way too serious.

"Oh, but you will. And I wish I didn't have to say it, but you deserve to know." She gives us one last pleading look before casting her eyes to the ground. "There's no easy way to get this out, so I'm just going to say it. I'm the reason Klaus is alive."

"That's a bit too general Bon. How about you give us more details?"

I nod but feel relief run through me. That's not horrible – that's forgivable. I'm sure she had a good reason that she'll reveal any minute now. Bonnie has been probably overreacting about this.

"I thought about how you were all going to die, if Alaric managed to stake him. And with his persistence, he managed. I swear to God, all I thought about was you guys. I didn't want any of you dying. Not when I could do something about it."

"Bon, it's fine." Caroline can almost smile. Both of us were expecting worse. "I mean, I'm even grateful. I didn't want to die."

"You don't understand." she begins shaking her head and I wonder if she'll ever stop. Her movements become frantic. "There was no way to save him from the stake – no spell; nothing."

"But you managed." I give her a little smile.

"Yeah, I managed." She looks disgusted with herself. "Do you remember how Klaus was in Rick's body for awhile, before they witches transferred him back inside his own?"

"That was creepy."

"It was, wasn't it?" A tear slides down Bonnie's face. "It was also the only way to save him – you – from dying."

She bursts into tears then and both of us hug her tightly. I even suppress my urges. "I'm sorry Caroline. _I'm so very sorry!"_

I keep hugging her, but Caroline suddenly pulls back, as if someone punched her. A shadow of realization clouds her features and a low growl forms in the back of her throat. One that Bonnie can't hear, but I can. "Who did you use for the exchange Bonnie?"

"I'm _so_ sorry." Bonnie barely whispers from inside my arms.

I realize it was Tyler the moment Caroline's face transforms from human to monster. I move as fast as I can. I get up and with as much vampire speed and strength I can muster, drag Caroline away from Bonnie. Her pro is that her rage fuels her powers. Mine is that I'm newly turned and determined to keep this tragedy from happening. I tighten my arms around Caroline's body, as she screams incoherent words at Bonnie's trembling figure.

"Caroline. _Caroline!_" I shout in her ear but she just won't have it. "Calm down! Calm down, damn it; it's _Bonnie!"_

"_You killed Tyler!"_ Caroline shrieks in my arms. "_How could you do that to me?" _

Her fangs disappear, but she's still fighting for release. I hear Bonnie mumble apologies and ignore my eyes, which are ordering her to run inside. Caroline's crying and shouting and the moment I start losing our battle of power, Damon and Stefan burst the door open, followed by Jeremy. I see Stefan grab Bonnie and speed inside with her in his embrace, while Damon's instantly by my side. He forcefully takes Caroline in his arms and stills her. She keeps crying and cursing, but she knows the fight is lost. Damon's grip is too strong on her. I see Damon sigh and murmur words in her ear. Caroline shakes her head violently, but Damon keeps talking to her nevertheless.

"Go inside Elena. See if Bonnie's alright." The moment he turns to talk to me, Caroline starts shaking and crying again.

"But, Caroline…"

"Caroline has her personal punching bag, right here. She'll be fine – she loves beating the shit out of me." I'm not sure if I want to leave them and Damon sees that. He recognizes my stubbornness and he rolls his eyes. "Elena, I promise – she'll be ready to talk in about ten minutes. Just go wait for us inside."

I nod and turn to leave. And when I step inside and see Bonnie crying in Jeremy's arms the weight of what she's done hits me.

* * *

"Why didn't you use someone else?" Caroline demands. She's sitting on the floor and Damon's right beside her, ready to constrict her if she loses her temper again. I don't know what he told her but she was in terms of talking when they returned.

"He was the first hybrid created." Bonnie's eyes never leave the floor and her voice is nothing but a whisper. "Plus, I needed some sort of connection with the…_victim._"

When she uses that particular word, Tyler's death becomes real. I flinch in my sit and drink what's left of the blood in my glass.

"Did 'best friend's one true love' fulfill that connection?" Caroline asks sarcastically.

"Please, I am so…"

"Yeah, I get it Bonnie, you're sorry!" Stefan and Damon reposition themselves, spotting Caroline's irritation. "I get that you were trying to save us. And I get that none of us would be here if you hadn't done what you did. Do you get how I feel about the fact that my best friend used my boyfriend in a ritual? Do you get how I feel about Tyler's _death_?"

Her entire body goes limp and she lies on the floor. I go and sit beside her too. I really don't know what to do, so I start rubbing her back gently as she cries.

"I don't regret saving you Caroline."

"You should have told me from day one." she says from between her hands. "You saw how happy I was when I thought he had survived. You sat there, let me be happy and lied to my face."

I see Bonnie get up, pain visible in her face. "I hope you forgive me one day. I really am very sorry. But I am happy you're here and hating me and not in a coffin."

Huh, since when did Bonnie adopt Damon's philosophy?

She takes off and I get up and run after her, before she makes it into her car.

"Bonnie, wait!"

"I told you you'd hate me."

"And I told you there was nothing you could say to make us hate you." I close the distance between us and force her to look at me. "She'll get over this."

"She won't – and I don't blame her. I killed Tyler for Klaus."

"No; not for Klaus – for all of us. She's killed someone too. Stefan has and Jeremy has and Matt has and Damon definitely has. She _will_ get over this, Bonnie. If we weren't able to forgive each other, we would have gone crazy."

"So, you're not mad at me?"

"I'm just really sad about Tyler." I honestly say. "Why are you leaving Mystic Falls?"

"My powers are getting out of hand. My mother said she could help – I mean, she was a witch before becoming a vampire."

I nod. I don't want to know what she means with 'out of hand'. "Don't be a stranger. We'll probably need you around here sooner rather than later."

"As long as Caroline allows me back." She hugs me then and buries her face in my neck. "Be careful, ok?"

"I will. I'll see you soon."

As her car disappears from my sight, I wonder how soon is soon.

* * *

_Damon's POV_

When I enter her room, I find Elena changing clothes. I half expect her to start yelling, just like she did every night during summer. Old habits die hard. But when she turns around and smiles at me, in nothing but her underwear, my manly ego boosts up infinitely.

"Where are you taking us tonight?"

I mentally scold myself. With the little girl-fight Witchy and Blondie pulled off and having to make sure Blondie didn't bite anyone's head off and the phone call from Elijah, I completely forgot about our daily hunting trip.

"I'm giving you a break tonight." I smile from the door frame.

"These are the perks of sleeping with my teacher, aren't they?" She giggles and rolls on the bed. That, along with the very vital fantasy her words just gave me, has me off focus.

"Actually, I need to talk to you about something."

"I thought you were Damon Salvatore, a man of actions." She teases and jumps up to come to me. I open my arms and take her in. I swear - I'll never get used to this. "Before you say anything, can I ask for something?"

"Sure you may." With her breasts pressing tightly on my chest and her lips all over my neck, it's not like I can deny her anything.

"Can I move into your room? It's more specious and it's not like I'll be spending many of my nights here." Her eyes glint deviously and I smirk at her. I pull her in for a kiss that quickly spirals out of control, but the moment her tongue demands access, I pull away.

"You may." She pouts at the loss of contact.

"_May_ I take some of my stuff too? Like Mr. Bear and some of the photo albums?"

Is it me, or am in a real relationship for the first time in…forever? "You may take them, as long as you're there."

"Good. And may I adopt a puppy?"

"You're kidding, right?"

"Sorry, just testing your limits." She giggles and drags me on the bed. "I want to know how much you're willing to do for me."

I let her get on top of me and remove my shirt. "Oh, I'm willing to kill for you. But, you're not getting a puppy – at least not with Stefan in the house."

She looks up from where she's kissing my abs with complete adoration – for the prospect of having her wish come true. "How about one day in the distant future when Stefan's not in the house?"

Did you hear her mention a future, with a house, without Stefan and where _I_ am included? Let's take some time to appreciate. "I'll reconsider."

She jumps up and down, partly on purpose I suppose, while she can see me struggling with my lust. "You said you wanted to talk."

I really hate to do this now. "I'll be out of town for a few days."

Her eyes turn from happy to confused, to questioning, to clouded and then angry as she falls on her side of the bed. "Why?"

"Because Elijah might know where Klaus is."

"So, he asked you to join him?"

"No, I asked to join him. So I can make sure he keeps his end of the deal."

"Which is?" Before I answer, I take her arms and sit her on my lap.

"It consists of Elijah keeping Klaus the hell away from you and everyone else."

She doesn't look convinced. "It might take months to find him."

"In that case, I drag my ass back home to you."

"But, you can't leave me alone." I try not to laugh as she makes excuses. "What if I kill somebody?"

"A few days Elena – you'll drink from blood-bags and keep Blondie company. God knows she needs you right now. I'll be back before you know it."

"But, what if something happens to you?"

I raise an eyebrow at her. "I don't think so – not with you waiting for me here."

"I just got you." She whispers and rests her head on my shoulder. "With my luck, you'll get staked or run into Katherine or something."

I can't hold back my laughter as she voices her little insecurities. You'd think with everything I've done for her, she'd know how much I love her by now. "Elena. I told you I'm not going to let you go."

"Good. That's good." Her voice is octaves lower in my ear. She starts taking off my jeans and with that, all other thought is gone.

* * *

_Elena's POV_

As Damon makes his way down my body, I can't help but wonder if I'll be able to hold it together without him here. What if Jeremy accidentally gets injured? What if I decide to take a walk and kill someone? What if I simply lose it or turn off my emotions by mistake?

And you know what that made up, physics law says, right? 'Everything that can go wrong will go wrong.'

Story of my life.

* * *

A/N. _I'm keeping this short, since – as I, horrified, noticed – my last A/N got all screwed up and made no sense whatsoever. What was that about? I almost had a heart-attack when I read it, but I'd already updated the chapter so there was no good in deleting and re-updating. I just hate typos :'(_

_3 more chapters to go, I suppose. I'm working on my new story. I'm excited about it.*Damon dance* Thank you for being here. Review if you feel like it! I appreciate you guys. Yours, S. _


	17. Chapter 17

_All Elena_

Day 1 – Sunday

_Dear diary,_

_Long time, no see, huh? Somewhere along escaping Originals, figuring out love triangles and dying, the condolence I feel while writing, was forgotten. Now that I'm back from the dead and my two main modes are 'blood-thirsty' and 'human-killer', words might just be my way to deal – again. I'm overwhelmed by emotions – all the time. I don't know what to do with them. If I shut off the bad, I lose the good too. And I promised Jeremy that I wouldn't do that. But it's 10 p.m. and Damon hasn't called since he took off, and I feel I might snap any minute now. _

_I woke him up this morning meaning to make him stay, but my convincing skills don't seem to work as well as they once did. I went from telling him I need him here, to showing him how much, to practically begging him not to go. He played along for a while but then left anyway. And his promise to come back soon, didn't do much to my growing insecurities and fears. I hurt his feelings again and again and again. I kissed him senseless in Denver, enjoyed it, avoided him later and then told him I loved Stefan and that I had to let him go, over the phone. What kind of person does that? I wasn't lying to myself about Stefan –not at that particular moment, anyway. But Damon was alone, dying. Stefan or no Stefan, I should have gone to him. He was the one with no friends there – with nothing. I should have gone to him, if only to show my gratitude for the countless times he's saved my life over these past years. _

_Well, no harm in saying 'what goes around comes back around.' The moment I broke Damon's heart, I died. In a way, I had it coming. And after everything, he still took me. I've caused Stefan hurt too, but I never treated him like Damon and gave him the closure he deserved. I saw Stefan almost expecting what happened – everyone was actually; everyone but me. Am I wrong to believe that, now that I'm ready to give in to my feelings, he'll be taken away from me? Isn't that what always happens? When did Elena Gilbert and happy ending fit together? Love changes when you're a vampire – I know now I didn't love Stefan with the same ferocity he did, because I was human. As a vampire, all I have belongs to Damon and I can't control it and I don't know what to do with it now that he's not here. The worst thing that can happen to a human is death. To a vampire, it's the death of the person you love and eternity without them._

_Anyway, I spent most of my morning watching movies with Jeremy, who has been my rock through it all. I didn't think he'd be this supportive. Yes, I did complete the transition because I didn't want to leave him alone but I thought I'd have to protect him from a distance. But he's changed – just like everyone. Just like Caroline and Bonnie and Damon. It's kind of ironic that we had to face all kinds of horror to grow and bond and realize how much we all mean to each other. Stefan joined us and he even asked if there were any news from Damon yet. It was all very awkward and I miss how I used to spend hours talking about books and movies and music with him. When Damon comes back and I start being more in control of my 'thirst', I'll probably suggest Damon and I take a trip. I want to have both of them in my life, but I'll shove the selfishness deep down and give Stefan all the time alone he needs. _

_Jeremy spent the afternoon studying in our old house. He told me he wants to go to college abroad, but I know he'll also ask me to turn him someday or find a way to it. I'd hate to do it, but I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't. Anyway, with Jeremy gone, I called to see how Caroline was doing. Needless to say, she was a mess. I wanted to go see her but she asked to be left alone. Then I had Stefan call her and invite her over, but she dismissed him, too. Was it me in her position, she wouldn't have cared if I wanted privacy. So, tomorrow, I'll barge in and be nosey and all. I'll help her get through Tyler's death and spend time with my best friend forever – literally forever. _

_I've had fifteen blood bags today. I want blood. I want Damon. I want Bonnie to be here. I want Caroline to be ok. I want Damon to forgive Stefan. I want to be able to hug Jeremy without being scared of the consequences. I want this second life to run smoothly. I want peace._

_I want Damon. I love him and I want to tell him. _

"Elena?"

I jump. I didn't even hear Stefan enter my room. I have just rediscovered the perfect way to keep my mind off of things and my senses collected – writing. Some things never change. I smile at him and snap the diary closed. "Hey, come in."

"No, it's ok. Jeremy just came. Do you want to join us for dinner?"

The moment he mouths the words, I smell Jeremy's only specialty – pasta and grilled veggies – being cooked in the kitchen. "Is Jeremy _cooking_?"

Stefan nods and smiles. When I focus on another heartbeat downstairs, he adds "He managed to bring Caroline."

I get on my feet and follow him downstairs, closing the door behind me. In the kitchen, Jeremy's hovering over the pasta – the steam creating a thick cloud around his head and Caroline's chopping vegetables. Her hair is gathered in a messy bun and she's wearing pajamas and a huge cardigan. Her eyes are red and puffed but when Jeremy starts coughing from the steam, she finds it in her to laugh at him. And with that, I know she'll be fine.

They both sense us and before I can say anything, Caroline holds one hand in the air and closes her eyes, decided. "I _don't_ want to talk about it. Tomorrow, maybe; tonight, we slumber it. We eat Jeremy's probably poisonous food, we laugh with Stefan's evolving sense of humor and we plan our travel destinations for the next hundred years. Deal?"

With _that_ look on her face, I'd be risking my life if I didn't agree with her. "Deal."

Not much time passes before we start laughing, but part of my mind stays focused upstairs, where I've left my cell phone and only mean of communication with Damon.

* * *

Day 2 – Monday

_Ring. _

Sleep.

_Ring._

All I want is some sleep.

_Ring._

Who invented phones again? And why did I let Caroline convince me to consume alcohol last night?

_Ring._

It'll stop soon. Everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt.

_Ring._

"Answer the phone!" Caroline's muffled cry has me jumping, all the sleepy-haze gone. I grab the phone from under the pillow and anger replaces the instant relief I felt when I saw Damon's name on screen.

"Your excuse better be solid, Mr. I-will-call-every-couple-of-hours." I growl at the speaker.

"_Does 'fatal hybrid bite' count as solid excuse?"_

"What?"

My shriek has Caroline up on her feet and with an alarmed expression on her face. "Please tell me you're joking, Damon." This can't be happening. This _cannot_ be happening.

"_She cares, ladies and gentlemen." _ I'm so terrified I miss his teasing tone, but Caroline shakes her head disbelievingly and mutters 'asshole' under her breath. _'But, yeah, I'm joking."_

"You're an ass."

And with that, I throw the phone somewhere across the room.

I fall back on the bed, burying my head in Caroline's hair. I can't hold some sobs from escaping my mouth. What a _nice_ way to start the week – leave it to Damon to give you a heart attack.

"His sense of humor has always been _too_ gruesome." Caroline pats my back and rests her head on her palm, forcing me to face her. I should be the one comforting her now, yet here we are.

"He's an idiot." My voice is still somehow shaky. "I was worried sick. Anyway, today's about you; _all _about you."

_Ring._

Caroline gives a shaky laugh and rolls her eyes.

_Ring. _

"You go answer that. I need some time to prepare for all the attention I'll be given."

_Ring. _

I easily find the phone and with a sigh, answer it again. I still need to know where he is and what's he doing; most importantly, when he's coming back. I bring the phone on my ear and breathe in the speaker, knowing he can hear.

"_I'm sorry."_

I don't say anything. The sound of his voice after only twenty-four hours away shouldn't be so consuming. I've already forgiven him and if I talk, he'll know. And if he knows, he'll realize there's nothing he can do to make me stay mad at him for longer than two minutes. That would be inconvenient, considering Damon usually needs something to keep him on track.

"_Elena." _He _really_ knows how to pronounce my name in the right way. _"If it helps, Elijah just gave me relationship advice. It was all very awkward and wound my male pride deeply. I deserved it."_

I smile at his defeated tone and let him suffer for one more second.

"_Baby, come on. I'll make it up to you."_

"You better."

"_I am sorry, Elena." _He sighs on the phone. I can almost see him in front of me, sitting on a bar somewhere, drinking – even though it's eleven a.m. – a little smile playing on his lips, his shoulder crouched. _"I suck at being a boyfriend."_

"Maybe you should take some of Elijah's advice."

He snorts and I hear him swallow. Yeah, definitely drinking. "Where are you?"

"_New York."_

Caroline approaches me from behind, a blood-filled glass in her hands. I grab it and take a sip, trying to relax my nerves. I fall on the floor and watch her borrow clothes from my closet. "That's…unexpected."

"_Yeah, and Klaus' not even here – false track probably. Needless to say, Elijah is being proven useless in the quest of finding his brother."_

"Is he with you now?"

"_Right here, rolling his eyes and smirking pretentiously."_

Caroline takes the now finished glass from my hands and gives me an understanding look. I probably look helpless – that's how I feel anyway. "So, three days will turn to three weeks?"

"_I'll make sure they don't."_

"Why can't you just come home and let them figure their family problems themselves?" My voice raises and I start pacing around the room, too anxious to stand in one place.

"_You know why."_

Safety and a future are valid reasons, I know, but right now they seem irrelevant. A safe future seems very far away and do I really want it without him in it? Besides, who is to promise that things worse than Klaus don't exist out there? Or that I won't accidentally get staked? If he could just stay here and figure out everything step by step, I'd be calmer and happier.

"Well, ok. I'm going to go now…spend some time with Caroline. Be careful, ok?"

"_You're mad at me."_

"I'm not mad at you, Damon." I nervously mouth. "I'm just worried about everything that can happen. That's all."

"_I'll be back before you know it and, soon enough, you'll be begging me to leave again. Do I need to remind you what a pain in the ass I am?" _I roll my eyes. There's nothing he can say that'll make me feel better.

"Just…don't do anything reckless."

"_Me? Reckless? Whatever are you talking about?" _ He chuckles and I swear I can hear Elijah laughing too. I always thought it was weird how he seemed far more compatible with Elijah, while Stefan was once friends with Klaus. Makes me wonder if there is vital information I still don't know about the Originals' background. _"I'll call you as soon as I get the chance, ok?"_

"Ok…I miss you."

"_I miss you too, Elena." _

And with that, the line drops dead. Caroline, sitting on the bed, gives me a little smile. "I know what we need. We need to shop."

As interesting as it sounds, I can see obstacles. "I can't be out Caroline. Not around crowds, anyway." I sigh, hating to have to ruin whatever brings her pleasure.

"Who said anything about crowds?" She raises her eyebrows and smiles cheekily. "Ever heard of online shopping? Come on, let's spend some money."

"Let's do that."

As we walk out the door, a bright smile plays on Caroline's lips. "Hey, I just realized, in a century, we'll be, like, _rich._"

She's avoiding Tyler talk the best she can and I let her, in hopes of avoiding Damon talk too.

* * *

The ending credits of _Casablanca _appear and wake me from my nap. Caroline yawns next to me and Jeremy's spot is empty too, indicating he chose sleep over television. Stefan stares at both of us and shakes his head in amusement.

"Youths today…can't appreciate the classics."

"Excuse me, if I like my films in color." Caroline mocks and stretches her limbs in both our directions. I smile at Stefan's offended expression.

"I'll go treat my thirst. Want a bag Caroline?"

She shakes head and gets up. "As much as I enjoyed today, I have to head home. My mother is still the town's sheriff and I still have a little thing called school. Which, let me just say, has turned into hell without you and…"

She halts, face frozen. Who was she going to mention, Bonnie or Tyler? Having no way to guess, I just take her in my arms, while she lets all the sobs she's been holding inside all day, escape. Stefan comes from behind, patting her back sympathetically. It occurs to me now, that besides Matt, there's no one left for Caroline to hang with at school; no one to organize dances with, no one to plan prom and gossip with.

"You know, Caroline, you can give it a break, too." Stefan says quietly. "I'm sure Liz would understand. You'll have time later on to go back to school."

She shakes her head in my chest and then breaks free, to face him. "No way; I'm graduating. I didn't get to turn eighteen but I'll definitely finish high school; for good."

She heads for the door and we follow sheepishly. "Does that mean I won't see you tomorrow?"

"Well, you and Stefan can come pick me from school." Before I can complain, she adds, "Oh, hush, Stefan can keep you from lashing out. You can do that much, can't you Stefan?"

"I most certainly can." He smiles.

"Great. It's a plan. We'll force Matt and Jeremy to join us, too." Her smile is infectious, it makes me feel better. Stefan nods and, after hugging her, walks inside, giving us some privacy. Once alone, Caroline leans on the doorframe and her bright eyes are the only glistering points in the darkness. She sighs lightly and even though I can easily see her every movement, I focus on her eyes.

"I know what you're doing." I quietly say.

"I'm doing what I need to do. Tyler's not coming back."

"We could talk about it." I suggest, eyeing her warily. But her refusal remains the same.

"No. It's not like some stupid talk will change things. Plus, I know what you're doing too."

No need for much clarification is needed. We've come to a point we can read each other like open books. "I can't think about Damon without freaking out."

"And I can't think about Tyler without falling apart."

"So, we keep avoiding our feelings then?" I ask, half smiling and half frowning.

"Damn right we do." She hugs me tightly and heads for her car. I sit on the porch for a while, inhaling all the fresh air I've been denied these past couple of months. I lose track of time soon enough and only when my phone vibrates in my back pocket and I touch the screen to life, do I realize it's almost eleven thirty. It's a text from Damon, which I eagerly read. _[You asleep yet?]_

I make my way inside, while furiously pressing at the screen. _[Heading to YOUR room right now.] _I enter mine just to grab my charger and diary and then rush to his room. But my dry mouth and agonizing thirst – which I was supposed to take care of since Caroline left – have other plans. In a second I'm in the basement, grabbing two of the few blood bags that are left there. I'll have to talk with Stefan about stealing some more. I always feel guilty for using blood bags that injured people may need, but I convince myself it's better than to be sending people in the hospital, mutilated. So I snap the first one open and start drinking. Halfway through the stairs, Damon answers. _[Be a nice girl and wear something black and silky. Part of me never leaves that bedroom.]_

His reply earns a snort of irony. I'm wearing sweats and a huge T-shirt, and I bet 'disappointed' would be a mild word to describe Damon if I told him the truth. _[If you were here, maybe you could make me wear anything. But you're not so…]_

I'm so distracted; I don't notice Stefan standing in Damon's room when I reenter. I halt in place, not sure what to make of his stiff composure. He's positioned in the middle, just in front of the bed, his back turned at my direction and his shoulders defeated under an invincible weight. At first I'm confused but when I start putting my logic and vampire senses in motion, the puzzle pieces fall into place. Damon's bed hasn't been made since when we first slept together. I spent these past two days at my room but, if you smell long enough – like Stefan is doing now – you can catch both our scents on the sheets from our night together. My I-pod is still resting on the jack where I put it, dried blood is visible on the centre of the bed, where we exchanged it and – in my utter horror – the underwear Damon tore from my body are still tossed at the side of the bed, where Stefan's eyes are resting right now.

"Stefan…" I choke silently, my body completely numb. I feel the cell vibrate in my hand, but I don't dare look at the text.

He turns around immediately and gives me a tight smile. I can see in his face he's trying more than hard to do what's right and what he promised he would. But his eyes hold so much pain that I turn into a sobbing mess without realizing it. He shakes his head and comes to hug me, he guilty for making me cry and I guilty that he had to witness this.

"Don't cry, please. It's fine." He murmurs in my ear and holds me closer.

"I'm sorry Stefan." I sob in his chest, trying to imagine the hurt he must be experiencing and feeling rather ashamed with the entire situation.

"I swear, it's fine." He grabs my shoulders and stares at me. "It's not your fault Elena. I just had to…I had to see this_. Really_ see. Reality needs to kick in, you know? I can't wonder around with the hope you'll change your mind about us."

He gives me another tight smile and takes one step backwards. "I'll leave now – too much blood to be around." He gestures at the bags I'm still holding tightly and makes his way to the door. "Sleep tight."

After he leaves, I drag my feet on the bed and fall lifelessly. Without bothering to see Damon's reply, I type a new one. _[You shouldn't have left me alone. Goodnight.]_

With that, I turn the phone off and try to sink into oblivion.

* * *

Day 3 – Tuesday

10 a.m.: I regain consciousness and realize I'm all alone with Stefan in the house. I pretend to be asleep for the next 3 hours and refuse to turn my cell on.

1 p.m.: Stefan barges in the room, an amused smile playing on his lips. I stare at him from under the sheets, but he just points at the phone in his hands and says: "Damon. By the way, get up already; we have to go pick Caroline up." I give him a condescending look but he just shrugs. I spend half an hour arguing with Damon about how he should be home already and how he said 'a few days'. We have our first real fight and it ends with me telling him how typical of him this is. The last thing I hear from him is a hiss and a growl.

8 p.m.: Jeremy, Stefan and I come home after spending the entire day out with Matt and Caroline. I feel content and relieved that I spent an entire afternoon out, with my friends and family. The moment I'm inside, though, I rush downstairs for blood. I drink another two bags and then spend some time with Jeremy in his room. He falls asleep after telling me: "I prefer vampire Elena better than dead Elena."

11 p.m.: I get up, the moment the movie Stefan and I are watching ends. He advices to turn on my phone and I do. But no missed calls or texts have been registered from after _the_ fight. I change the sheets of his bed, change into one of his shirts, call Bonnie, wonder when I became so codependent and then, finally, call him. After four rings, he answers.

"_I'm too tired for another round of your hormonal crap."_

"I'm sorry."

"_About?"_

"Acting like a psycho…yelling for no reason, accusing you of all the wrong things; I am truly very sorry."

"_You're forgiven. Any particular reason why you acted like I was the enemy?"_

"I'm scared that something will happen to you."

"_Nothing will happen to me."_

"Then maybe I'll hurt someone by accident. And you won't be here to stop it from happening."

"_You'll be fine. As long as Stefan and Blondie are there, you'll be fine. I mean, Stefan already let you die once; he can't mess up any worse." _

"Damon…"

"_Elena, do you trust me?"_

"You know I do."

"_Then do this for me. Be calm and trust yourself too. There's nothing to worry about."_

"I know, but it was supposed to be a few days. You said 'a few days'."

And with that, the clock strikes twelve – indicating another day with Damon away and with many chances for me to fuck up majorly.

* * *

_**A/N**__ Yes, I know this chapter sucks. Let me just say – this is my fifth day dealing with high fever and migraines. This is a filler chapter. I haven't posted in a while and every time my dear mother let me get my hands on my laptop, I could only write separate drafts which I ultimately put together to get this. I know you may not like it, but it lays ground for the HUGE thing to happen next chapter – which I will write completely medicine-clean. _

_Oh, and I also said 3 or 4 more chapters, but I decided against that. I want to give all the characters the closure they deserve and I can't do that in 3 chapters. So, would that be ok with you guys? I just don't want to rush everything together and finish the story with details missing and loop holes._

_Once again, I'm sorry for this weird kind of chapter. I don't expect many reviews and alerts for this one *ashamedly looks at the floor* but I'll dare blame the headaches. Thank you either way! Yours, S. _


	18. Chapter 18

_Damon's POV_

Ah, the irony of it all.

I mean, yes, _I_ offered Elijah my help and companionship. I voluntarily left my struggling Elena alone. Hold your horses, though. I thought Elijah actually had a plan – turns out, he's only good at playing God when dealing with defenseless, eighteen year old, human girls. Pretentious prick!

And what's with all the dirty, China Town located, motels? His excuse to 'come and go unnoticed' is _so_ stupid. Can't we be discreet in a suite, for fuck's sake? One other thing I didn't know – Rebecca joining us. Oh, the horror! I almost killed her when she strode next to Elijah, winking at me like the naughty, sex-buddy she once was. Talk about guiltless – the girl can't care less about what she did to Elena. _'I was_ _grieving, Damon'_ she said and rolled her eyes. She fucking rolled her eyes!

At least Elijah's doing one thing right – keeping his sister's face the hell away from me. She's off doing her own thing most of the time, while Elijah and I follow false tracks that – surprise, surprise – have gotten us absolutely nowhere.

It's been two long, mind-fucking, sexually-frustrating, Elena-missing weeks. From what I can tell by her irritated voice, every time we get the chance to talk, she'll probably stake me once I go back.

"This is ridiculous. You are incompetent, oh-almighty-Elijah." My voice is angry and desperate and I glare at Elijah's calm figure, while finishing my scotch. After ripping another hybrid's heart out, for absolutely no reason, I'm back to drinking and insulting the Original; so far, so good. I'm pretty sure Klaus never trusted any of his little minions with emergency, post-death plans – what's the point in getting our hands all dirty? And, fuck, are there many of them out here!

"Patience Damon – _patience._" Is all he has to say, his face expressionless. He's drinking wine in the middle of this cheap bar and that gets on my nerves even more.

I snort and order another glass of blah scotch for myself. "You'd say that. You don't have a pissed off Elena waiting for you in Mystic Falls." I faintly smile at my own words – more than satisfied for having a whatever-the-mood-Elena waiting for _me_.

Elijah, of course, being a religious Oprah fan I assume, catches my smile and comments on it. "You're only angry because you miss her."

Thank you Captain Obvious, I wasn't aware of the heart-wrenching pain Elena's absence has been giving me these past two weeks. "No shit, Sherlock." I widen my eyes comically and he chuckles softly.

"Well, if it's any consolation, I think she finally made the right choice." He shrugs and sips some of his snob wine. I think so too, actually, but I won't get all friendly with him now.

"_Ah_, my life makes sense again. Thank you Elijah." He spares me one of his I-could-easily-snap-your-neck-looks and that prompts me to go on. "Can you provide long-distance, physical sex too? The phone is getting old and lame."

Much to my disdain, that has him smirking in amusement again. I roll my eyes, exasperated. His calmness and nonchalance is making me shiver with anger. I miss and worry for Elena so much, I can't even think straight. All I want is to have her sleep in my arms – yet here I am, assisting _Barbie_ to reconnect with her troubled brother. Was there anyone else in Elijah's place, I'd probably already be staked, but he's been oddly cool about my nerves and, guess what? That makes me even madder.

"I can't do that. However, I did send Rebecca do find a certain someone who is always aware of everything."

Why am I thinking of only one vampire-bitch who fits the description?

"Why don't I like the sound of this?" I ask carefully and lean on the bar's counter to fully face him. "Why do I feel like our little adventure is going to turn into a horror?"

"You are just overreacting."

The moment he says this, the doors of the bar open and the head of every loser turns to admire the two women that just walked in. One happens to be a blond bombshell I once fucked and now I'm pissed with and the other… well, the other is the bitch that broke my heart _initially_.

"Greetings, Katerina." Elijah smiles, as soon as they approach.

I refuse to look at her. I was counting on never crossing paths with Katherine again; _ever_. Yet, there's no stopping her candy-sweet voice from entering my ears. "Elijah." She acknowledges him with respect and some fear too – the perfect actress, as always. I keep staring at the bartender, who is admiring Rebecca and Katherine wordlessly.

"_Damon." _ Of course, there's no fear and respect in her voice now; the usual naughtiness, mischief and amusement. God, I miss Elena.

"Hello, Katherine." I smirk at her and take a look from the corner of my eye. Yes, just what I thought – curls, tight jeans, even tighter top and fuck-me boots. No wonder the sight of her and Rebecca together is making everyone's blood pump furiously, hence giving me terrible thirst.

"We demand your assistance, Katerina." Elijah's firm tone forces her to stop eyeing me teasingly.

"Demand?" She asks quietly, but with a hint of a frown in her face. Rebecca raises an eyebrow and glares at her incredulously. I wonder how much fun it would be if these two got into a fight.

"Yes, _demand_." Rebecca orders and I can't help but smirk. If you put aside that I'm hanging out with my three less favorite people, it's all very entertaining. "Everything you know about Klaus, you spill – _immediately._"

"Or?" Katherine questions and turns to growl at Rebecca.

"Do you really want to know Katerina?" Elijah interferes with a serious tone. It's enough to pull Katherine back to planet Earth. At this point, I'm watching the three of them bicker, bored out of my fucking mind. I already know how this'll go, so I check my phone in hope to talk with Elena. It's too late though, so instead of calling her I put the phone in my jacket and sigh.

"What are you doing here?" Katherine asks, momentarily avoiding giving any information she might or might not possess.

"Vacating. What does it look like I'm doing?" I spat at her, irritated.

"It looks like you're helping the same Original you staked over and over again." She states, resting her hands on her hips.

"We're past that." I smirk at Elijah and, surprisingly enough, he nods. He really must feel horrible for what happened to Elena; at least one of them does.

"He's doing it for Elena…" Rebecca mocks. The moment I prepare to respond though, Elijah raises a hand and we all rest. With nothing better to do, I sit back and return to my alcohol. To tell the truth, I feel fucking exhausted. I don't spare anyone another look, while they continue talking.

"Let's act our age, shall we?" Elijah suggests calmly. "Katerina, if you know something about Klaus – and knowing you, you do – I advice you tell me. Spare us the torture and talk willingly."

I bet Rebecca wouldn't mind some old-fashioned torture. Katherine on the other hand… "Of course I do. It's all part of my surviving strategies. I know everything." She sounds smug and I bet she's shrugging. Elijah sighs pleased and I finish my drink.

"This is the part when you start talking." Rebecca's irritated voice is some octaves higher. I, too, am pretty pissed we had to turn to Katherine for help. She's like the vampire CIA.

"Two conditions." She mouths simply.

"_Seriously?"_ Rebecca's tone has me laughing and looking up and Kat's eyes find mine, pissed for mocking her. I laugh harder.

"Let's hear them." Elijah allows, his own patience coming to an end. It's close to two in the morning and he's barely keeping his façade up. I wonder if he'll grand her wishes or is just playing with Katherine's mind.

"One, I get to come with you." Katherine asks. Wait, Rebecca _and_ Katherine joining? I must have sinned pretty badly to deserve this. "Two...once I help you find Klaus, you keep him the hell away from me; for good."

Elijah's answer doesn't take a second. "You can come along. I can't promise you security, though. I will be busy keeping Klaus away from Elena, just in case. You've managed to remain alive without anyone's assistance all these years, Katerina, and to tell the truth, after trying to kill him what…two times in the past two years? I can't say you don't deserve whatever's coming for you."

I think it's quite the speech, but Katherine sees something else in Elijah's eyes. Something that makes her smirk softly and seem content. "But?" she asks.

"But;" Elijah smirks back. "If you don't screw us over, I'll see what I can do. I'm not promising anything."

"It's good enough for me." She accepts. Rebecca rolls her eyes at her brother – mirroring my feelings – and leaves the bar, not caring about Katherine's information. Once she's gone, Katherine takes a sit in between the both of us and borrows my scotch, smiling sweetly.

"He's at Tennessee." Here we are, in New fucking York. I give an angry look at Elijah, who seems unbothered. "He's looking for a way to get his body back."

"Can he do that?" I ask. Not that I'm missing Klaus's face or anything.

"Of course he can." Elijah answers, finally seeming troubled. "I should have known. He's looking for witches, isn't he?"

Katherine nods. "The powerful ones; it'll take at least three to do the spell. Once he finds the right ones, he's going to need his body."

"I have it…what's left of it." Elijah says. "What else?"

"The dagger, obviously."

They both turn to stare at me. "I have the dagger." I admit. I'd forgotten all about it. When I thought Elena had died, I took it mindlessly and hid it somewhere in my room. I haven't touched it since that night. Now I realize that, no matter what, all the roads lead Klaus back to Mystic Falls; back to his body and back to the dagger. He'll find another way to fuck things up, surely. "We need to find him." I desperately say and look straight into Elijah's eyes.

He nods calmly. "What took him so long?" he asks Katherine.

"You know witches." She says, somewhat annoyed. "They're not his number one fans. They'll need some convincing – or, threatening. Point is, we can either follow him at Tennessee or wait for him in Mystic Falls."

"What do you think?" Elijah asks me.

"Mystic Falls." I answer immediately. "He's going to convince the witches one way or another. We better be there and set some ground rules. We already have the dagger and his body. He'll need us."

"Last time I checked, he doesn't respond well to compromise." Katherine intervenes.

"Things have changed since the last time you…_checked_." Elijah says, nodding at my direction. "We're leaving first thing tomorrow. You still coming Katerina?"

"Yes."

Elijah exits without another word, leaving me and Katherine alone.

Wasting no time, she turns to face me and smiles at my bored expression. "I thought you were past the heart-break faze."

"Oh, I am. This is me, suffering your presence here."

She rests a hand on my thigh and downs her drink. "I bet Elena makes one sorry excuse of a vampire." She assumes deviously, letting me know she knows about Elena's death. I wonder just how much she knows – is she aware that her lover boy is single again?

I remove her hand and stare at her. "She's badass, actually. Were I you, I wouldn't provoke her once we get back."

"_Please_, I've got centuries on her. And I bet bunny blood isn't doing any wonders to her strength."

So she's ignorant after all. Better enjoy it while I can. I smirk deviously. "She's drinking right from the source babe."

Katherine's eyes widen comically but then she looks at me disbelievingly. "Is Stefan still off the wagon?"

"_No_, he's back to Prince Charming mode, actually. Just like you like him."

She meets my wide smile with one of her own. "I like him whatever the mode – unlike that little copy-cat, Elena."

Her words don't faze me even though I can see in her eyes – she's aiming them right at my heart. She thinks she still has a hold on me – like the last two rejections weren't a good enough indication how past tense Katherine actually is. "Good for you, Kat. And I genuinely hope he realizes your little romance was more than compulsion; pig-headed, that Stefan, since he was a boy."

I get up, secretly hoping I could be heading in my own bed, but she grasps my arm firmly and holds me in place. She still has some hundred years on me, the bitch. "Is there something I should know?"

"I thought you already knew _everything_." I pout at her.

"I've been busy dodging Klaus lately. Not much time to tune in with Mystic Fall's gossip. _What is going on?"_

Believe me when I say, my next words bring me utter satisfaction. One I haven't experienced in weeks – almost orgasmic. "Elena, once again, proved herself of better taste by choosing the right brother."

None of us talks – I smirk smugly and Katherine looks surprised. She'd lost all hope of being with Stefan ever again, once Elena turned; kind of like me. The idea of the two of them together for eternity was disturbing. The bartender's voice finally snaps my attention off of her.

"Excuse me, but the bar will be closing soon."

I nod curtly and leave some money on the counter. I get up and Katherine follows, still speechless. I try to recall the last time I've seen her struggle for words, but I come up empty. I enjoy not having to hear her honey-sweet voice – which is nothing like Elena's, let me just tell you – as much as I can. Of course, when did she assist my happiness? The moment we're out, breathing New York's chilly, night air she sneaks her arm in mine and snuggles close. Typical Katherine – I bet we give the perfect couple façade unmistakably. "So, where are we staying?"

"The Hilton." I snap sarcastically and roll my eyes. "Right here, Katherine."

I direct her in the entrance of a barely-standing motel, two blocks away from the bar. Katherine looks offended while moving inside and taking a look at the surroundings – if you can call dirty walls, some antic rug and two broken chairs _surroundings_. The front desk is empty and by the looks of it, will continue to be. Katherine turns for the stairs without a glance back. "I'll crush to your room."

"_Why?"_ I whine. Is asking for some privacy too much? _God damn!_

"Come on now, Damon." She giggles, as I follow. "There was a time you begged for it."

_Yeah, the time I hadn't realized what a cold-hearted bitch you are_. "Those days are gone dear."

My room, positioned on the first floor and next to Elijah's, is a simple rat-hole with one king sized bed and a shower constantly pouring cold water. We enter inside and Katherine snorts and takes off her boots before continuing. "Right, because you have Elena now."

"No, because I have a functioning brain now." I retort and grab my black, leather bag from under the bed, fishing some fresh clothes. The last I have left actually – thank God this time tomorrow I'll be home. Katherine jumps on the bed, stretching out like a seductive cat. "I bet you went all soft on her." She mocks, eyes glinting with evil.

"I went all ways possible on her." I allow, standing in front of the bed. "Now, if you don't mind, how about we drop the subject…or any subject, for that matter?"

She winks and shrugs but I ignore her and grab my phone. It's now three a.m. and I can't wait to let Elena know the news, so I text her. Maybe it'll be the first thing she reads when she wakes up tomorrow. It'll brighten her day, I hope – I mentally snort, actually. When was the last time my presence lightened someone's day? Nevertheless, she does seem to miss me and she hasn't caused any problems – you know, deaths, compulsions, going off the wagon etc. – so I might as well act like the love-struck fool I currently am. Note to self: is she misses me half as much as I do her…well, it's more than enough.

_[You still haven't changed your mind about me, right? Because I'm coming home to you soon.]_ I type quickly and leave the phone on the bed, next to a bored Katherine. I enter the small bathroom with a wide smile on my face. Elena's memory outgrows Katherine's physical presence here, anytime.

* * *

_Elena_'_s POV_

The vibration of my cell under my pillow wakes me from my restless sleep. I glance at Caroline, who, unlike me, is oblivious of anything happening around her. We've been sleeping together in my bed since Tyler's death was announced officially and the council decided to act on their knowledge about Caroline. So much for her wish to graduate – Liz's lie that she sent her daughter away in order to protect her and Caroline's resistance has the both of us trapped in the Boarding House. Forever young and we're prisoners – I, of my hunger and emotions, Caroline of evil Alaric destroying any chance of normal life she might have had on Mystic Falls. I mean, things will cool off eventually and Ms. Lockwood will find a way to prove Caroline harmless but, until then…on lock-down.

Some people just shouldn't be on vervain – that's what Damon would say.

Thinking of him, I grab my cell from under my head hopefully. I read his text and squeal in joy and anticipation. _Very soon_ – how soon is very soon? Well, I did wait two and a half weeks. I can wait a couple more days. I bounce up and down the bed and when Caroline starts stirring next to me, I get up and run to Damon's room, jumping on his bed and rolling on the sheets. The text just arrived so he must still be awake. I'll call him – I have to hear his voice, _now_.

I press dial and sigh impatiently. Of course, I'm wearing another one of his shirts – he'll be lacking clothing when he comes back, but if things go my way, he'll be spending lots of time naked. After four rings and my anticipation growing rapidly, I hear sound from the other side of the phone.

"_Damon's phone, how may I help you?" _

Ok this is not Damon's voice. I must have entered some parallel universe, because I know this voice perfectly. I know _my_ voice perfectly. Well, coated with fake sweetness and maliciousness that is, but still. A voice that belongs to the _other_ me and who, under any circumstances, shouldn't be answering Damon's phone at three in the morning, while in a hotel.

"Ka…Katherine?" I hate to be stuttering, but I am. "How…What are you doing there?"

I hear her chuckle. _"Gracing them with my presence; saving their lives – what do you think I'm doing?"_

Keep it together Elena. Keep it together. "Where's Damon? Why do you have his phone?"

"_Oh, he tossed it on the bed. He's showering."_

I feel jealousy bubble inside me and my fangs lengthen with no notification. "Were they out of rooms or something?" It comes more as a growl.

"_There are plenty of rooms here. We just thought of saving some money." _She stays silent for a second and I may have turned into a green monster. _"And now, I'm thinking of saving some water."_

She waits for my response, but all I can do is sit on the bed and silently rip the sheets of his bed in frustration. Before I can snap the phone closed, her 'surprised' tone stops me. _"Oh, wait – he's out. You want to talk to him Elena?"_

I hear Damon's voice from the other side, but I suddenly feel like throwing a fit. "No, it's fine. Thank him for the honesty and you guys take your time."

I hear some noises and Katherine's giggle but the moment Damon voices my name softly, I close the phone, position it carefully on the floor, go to my room and wear a random stiletto heel, reposition myself in front of the phone and…well. With one hit, my phone succumbs to hundred little pieces.

I sigh, still nowhere near satisfied. My vampire jealousy has fully taken over. My mind is a blurry haze and the only thing I can see is Damon's long devotion to Katherine against his two-year-long love for me. And it's not that I'm angry at him really. Katherine is _the_ manipulator and I know better than to trust her. I'm just angry at myself – angry that I'm stuck in this house, angry that I'm thirsty, angry because I miss him so damn much while he's in New York, living it up with _Katherine_, of all people.

Caroline enters the room, her expression wary as she sees me changing out of Damon's shirt.

"You're freaking me out." She smiles nervously and I smile back.

"Why?" I get rid of my shorts too and stare at her.

"Because you look like that thing from _Paranormal Activity_ has possessed you." I chuckle at her words but she keeps staring. "Why did you destroy your cell at three in the morning?"

"I called Damon and Katherine answered, while he was showering. How's that for a reason?"

My nerves are getting to me again and I sigh – probably comically – to relax myself. Caroline, finally filled in, seems to calm down. She even gives me a sympathetic smile. "Elena, it's nothing."

"Yeah, that's why he told me _she_ was joining along." I roll my eyes and she wisely drops the subject.

"So, what are you doing now?"

This is the part where the vampire fury and madness kick in. "I'm getting dressed. We're going out."

Caroline laughs in abandon but she stops seeing my serious expression. "We are? Where are we going?"

I storm out, completely dressed and start throwing her some clothes. "_Who cares?_ We're vampires, no one can harm us. I'm thirsty and in need of some fun."

"You're just angry Elena." she can say whatever she wants, as long as she continues dressing.

"This isn't about me being angry. This is about _us, _being miserable. Come on Caroline, we've been hiding from the world like we're criminals. Let's go have some fun; we can run somewhere outside of Mystic Falls if you want to, where no one knows us. We _need_ to do something reckless before things turn to shit again."

My excitement is contagious and Caroline has never needed much convincing when it came to recklessness. She's matured and softened, just like I have, but there's always a chance to revisit adolescence and what better excuse than a missing boyfriend and a dead one. "Stefan will freak." She laughs and grabs her jacket.

"Stefan's out hunting." I answer back. We head down the stairs, our minds bearing no precautions. "He won't even notice we're gone."

Before we go out, she grabs my hand and gives me a serious look. "I don't want you feeding on anyone though. Damon will kill me if you lose control and die from guilt afterwards."

"Well, Damon isn't here, is he?" Caroline freaks out at my tone so I rush to calm her down. "I'll be good, I promise."

With a nod, she follows outside and we run into the cold night, mindlessly.

No, I haven't turned off my emotions or anything. I've just concentrated on the bad emotions. No harm in that right? Right.

* * *

A/N: _Trouble, that's the word you're looking for. No, this is not the HUGE thing I was talking about but, I bet you can guess what'll happen. Don't hate me for not keeping my promise – I brought Katherine back! We all love her, don't we? (If you don't, lie to me please. The girl has style and, you know…she can take Stefan away for good) _

_Jealous Elena does wonders to my Damon loving heart. What do you think? Whatever you think, feel free to share! I appreciate all of you who take the time to R&R guys, really! Yours, S. _


	19. Chapter 19

_Damon's POV_

"Seriously, Katherine? _Seriously?_" I find myself incoherently shouting, while aimlessly pacing up and down the room. "Two centuries old vampire and you have _nothing _better to do than ruin my life?"

"Boo-fucking-hoo, Damon." She's as cool as a cucumber. She keeps lying there, after I've pretty much destroyed all solid objects in this shit-hole, picking on her manicured nails. I'm thinking denailing would be a good enough torture to teach the little bitch to look at me while I'm talking – screaming, whatever. Her nails would grow back up, fact which would only make the process all the wilder to watch. I'll have to act on that. "Next time, don't toss your stuff around."

I half expect her to magically grow a pair of tiny, shiny, angel's wings – she manages to look _that_ innocent. Too bad she's just sneaky, evil Katherine. "Oh, you're so full of shit. I _supposed_ someone taught you not to answer other people's phones, but I guess manners are too mainstream, when you're a heartless bitch."

That earns me a pissed look, but I'm too busy redialing Elena's number to appreciate it. It repeatedly goes to voicemail and I don't even want to stop and think about everything _that _could mean, but it lifts my lovely roommate's humor back where it was. "That's not a way to talk to a lady though." She accuses me for my previous – and future – curses.

"Can't see a lady around here." I dryly reply. She snorts and folds her arms, exposing her already very visible breasts. Her ways of getting out of a difficult situation haven't changed one bit. "I should kill you."

She hears nothing but empty threats. Yeah, it's a probably lost battle but I might as well try. What better person to lash out on other than Katherine? Rebecca, maybe, but my wrists, from her torture some months ago, still kinda hurt so let's leave that dream in the drawer it belongs.

"Will that be before you run after Elena, like the good little dog you are? Huh, Damon?"

I hope to hell I don't look like _that_ when I smirk; I don't think I could take it. All I want is to slap it right out of her face. "It'll be after I talk to my incompetent brother, so just hang in there."

I shut her off, as I, unwillingly, move my fingers to Stefan's number and call him. The phone rings three times before he has the decency to answer it. "_Damon…is everything ok?_"

Judging by his ragged breathing, he's either having sex or hunting poor, unprotected animals. Knowing Stefan, and trusting Elena enough not to assume she jumped him so she could get back to me for Katherine's little stunt, I bet it's the later. But I ask, just in case. "What are you doing?"

"_Hunting, why?"_

"Just don't hurt Bambi's mom, ok?" Yeah, how I find the time to tease him in this particular situation is beyond me. Alaric was _so_ right replacing my surname with '_dick_'. "Where's Elena?"

"_The Boarding House, as far as I know of." _ I hear him stop on his tracks, finally paying me some attention. Of course when it comes to Elena…but let's not go there. _"Caroline's been crushing there for a while now, too. Why, is something wrong?"_

Not too weird that the Boarding House is turning to a fucking B&B. Stefan's wary voice gets on my nerves. "Just…" God, how I hate asking for help! "Go back there, see if she's ok and call me. I'll try to reach Caroline in the meantime."

"_What the hell's going on? Why wouldn't she be ok? I left her just fine."_

I roll my eyes and throw daggers on Katherine. I shouldn't have talked to her, let alone share a room. You just think, after every fucking think we've been through, she'd have lost some of the urges to fuck things up repeatedly. "It is _nothing_, ok? A bit of a misunderstanding and me, being an overprotective _boyfriend_." I stress the word, not caring if it hurts him. With all this distance keeping me away, I can't help but be territorial and possessive and crazy, because she's finally _mine_ and I don't plan letting Katherine screw that up. "I'll be there tomorrow, so don't try anything heroic. Just call me, like, an hour ago."

I disconnect and sit on the bed, almost defeated. I keep telling myself that, not picking up the phone isn't an indicator of anything bad. She's just throwing e temper tantrum; one which I deserve. But when I recall all the yelling she's been doing these past two weeks and her newborn heightened _everything_, I cringe and hurry to call Caroline.

After five feeble attempts, it takes all I have not to break the cell in two. Katherine, the perceptive bitch she is, is keeping very silent and still. I bet her inner Hitler loves seeing me squirm helplessly, but I'm mad with worry to bother keeping up a façade. I curse myself for being here, curse vampire Gandhi – who's apparently taking his time delivering one fucking request – and hope to God that, wherever she is, Barbie is keeping Elena safe and out of making whatever crazy, 3 a.m. plan, true.

I have the cell in my ear the moment it rings. "Tell me."

"_They're not here and Elena's phone is smashed to pieces in your room." _Silence as I almost gag in fear. _"Should I be worried Damon?" _

_I don't know about you, but I'm fucking horrified_. "Worried about her safety? No. Worried that she might do something extremely stupid and feel wrenching guilt afterwards? Yes."

Knowing Elena, she'd opt for the first, anytime. She'll fucking hate me if she hurts someone. _"I know you hate this, but I think I should look for her and Caroline."_

Damn right I do, but this is the wrong time to be picky – I freaking caused this. "Go right ahead. Where would a newly turned, majorly pissed, over sensitive, eighteen year old, vampire go at three a.m.?"

We both stay silent for a while. It's all a matter of lifestyle, really. I, personally, would aim for a comfy, brunette's bed. Stefan would probably aim for a cemetery or something.

It's Katherine who pulls me out of my idiotic thoughts. Not wanting to be heard – I bet she plans to surprise Stefan real good – she mouths a huge, clear "BAR" at my face.

"Scan every bar in Mystic Falls." She shakes her head, face-palming herself, and gestures again. I try to look annoyed, but take her hint nevertheless. "Every bar _out_ of Mystic Falls; bars out of town, but not too far."

"_That makes sense. Should I take Jeremy with me?"_

"So she lashes out and uses him as a snack?" I bark restlessly. "Just go and, for the love of God, Stefan, try not to choose some random human over her and get her killed…_again._"

"_You're a dick." _He hatefully throws, but I hear him rushing out of the door and feel some kind of relief – sort of, but he can never know.

"That, I am. Until I'm there, keep me notified."

He ends the call and I fall on the floor, defeated. I want to book a flight and leave right now, but it won't do absolutely any good, so I better collect myself and write an apology speech; one that'll include lots of 'I love you-s', 'I am sorry-s' and 'I'll never leave again-s'.

"She'll be fine." Katherine reminds me of her presence.

"She better be." I get up and head for the bathroom. The bathtub seems like a good enough bed. "Because if I lose her, Katherine, I'll rip your heart out and feed it to the dogs, even if I die in the process."

I turn to give her a deadly stare and make my point clear, but, from the nervous look she's throwing me, it's pretty obvious my threats don't sound that empty anymore. Yes, Katherine has always been observant and she knows that a man who's lost everything, has nothing left to lose. For her sake, I better not turn into that man.

* * *

_Elena's POV_

"What do you think?"

"I think Damon will serve my head on a silver platter."

I'm at a point where reasoning doesn't help, _at all_, so I'm not going to argue with her. Finally, after two months of suppressed needs and senses, I'm feeling it all. That's all that matters.

"Can we not talk about him?"

The fact that I've chosen the same bar we first went hunting – it's still _blah_ in here – is enough to send my mind to overdrive. Something I'm trying to skip from happening; tonight is for experiencing.

I see Caroline shake her head but follow me in nevertheless.

"How is this shithole, literally placed in the middle of nowhere, packed up with people at three a.m.?" I wonder aloud.

"It's not like drunken losers have anything better to do or anywhere nicer to go."

Caroline shrugs, almost sympathetically and sits at the bar. She's right; there is not one decent looking male in this bar – and they're _all_ males and all of them eyeing us hungrily. All of them human, too – I roll my eyes.

"They probably feel like big, bad wolves with the two of us here."

She pouts theatrically and looks around, challenging every pair of eyes that's locked on our backs. I see a flicker of dangerous strength and hostility in her stare but she masks it and motions at the same, old, bartender. "As long as they stare from a distance, we don't show them who the real predators are – two tequila shots, please."

I shrug, noncommittally. I'm already enchanted by the amount of blood rushing inside each of their bodies. I need a momentary distraction. "Make them four."

"Can I see some ID-s?"

Is he fucking _kidding_ me? He looks like he'd rape us if given the chance, yet he's asking for an ID. What a freaking comedy. Caroline smiles sweetly, but I beat her at it, with a growl.

"Give us our alcohol, _now_. The whole bottle." I lean in and capture his eyes. The rush of power I feel enthralls me to no end. This really is a perk of the condition.

The bartender nods obediently. "What was _that?_" She gasps and giggles a little. I can understand her being confused – my moral declarations and rightful decisions don't match up with compelling strangers and throwing tantrums. This is all ambiguous – or, hypocritical; however you want to put it.

"Low human-bullshit tolerance." I dryly say.

Right on time, our bottle of tequila and two shot glasses arrive. With one scorching look, I send the bartender straight away, but, not before ordering him to get the ancient juke-box, playing.

"Drop the badass act and talk to me."

She's not the one to let things go with the flow and, witnessing my previous emotional outburst, she thinks I need counseling – which I probably do, just not right now.

"How about I don't?"

Music starts playing and some of the idiots actually swing to the music. My frustration is mixed with amusement and the ever present jealousy, anger, hunger and Damon-longing.

"How about you do? Look, I'm literally risking my head allowing this. Can you at least open up so I don't feel like a complete incompetent friend?"

I sigh and pour both of us tequila. I love how the liquid splashes within the glass walls and falls on the counter. I feel like licking every wasted drop, but that would send an even dirtiest message than the two of us, sitting in a bar filled with men, are already sending.

"First of all, don't feel bad. You couldn't have stopped me."

She snorts. "Oh, but I could have. I've kicked both Mason's and Damon's asses and dated a '_mortal enemy_' of my race." She looks solemnly serious. "I'm badass, Elena."

She lists her doings like test grades and I fall into a fit of laughter. "Ok, fine, you could have more than stopped me. But, I can assure you, you're not an incompetent friend. I just don't feel like talking."

"But, _why_?" she whines and drinks tequila from the bottle.

"I want to focus on my senses, Caroline, because if I talk right now, I'll probably fall into a catatonic state of depression and self-loathing."

"You're stupid if you're jealous over Katherine."

She spares me no introductory words and I gulp down half the bottle immediately. "It's not _just_ that, ok?" I almost shriek, my self control wavering. "It's that on top of being _this_."

A vampire; with a sigh, I now can't stop.

"I can't control _anything_, anymore. It's like, my rational side assures and _knows_ that he wants no one else, but I feel _so_ jealous and I can't help it. I can't help wanting to crash Katherine's scull with my hands and punishing Damon for dumping me in his prison-home."

"I know, honey." She pats my knee. "I wanted to go all Chris Brown on every girl who even _dared_ look at Matt, when I first turned. It's irrational."

I'd smile, but I'm now anticipating getting everything out of my chest. "I'm trapped in there – _we_'re trapped in there. You have a whole council on your tracks and I'm a danger to my own brother. We've lost Bonnie. I feel _everything _and it's like staring at the sun, but it's worse if you fight it, you know?"

She nods, head lowered.

"Damon cools me down. He distracts me, calms me. Too bad he's probably on top of the Empire State Building, star gazing with _her_."

"Oh, get your head out of your ass. It won't come as a wonder if he bolts in, right now, and breaks both our necks, caveman style."

As much as I'd like _that_ to happen, it won't. And I'm back to being done with talking.

"Confession time is over."

"Fine, but I just want you to know – and, yes, I know I'm being repetitive – that everything will be fine. And we'll get Bonnie back."

I smile at the warmness of her voice. "She only left to give you space."

"I know and I'm still mad and dealing. But, I miss her and, with Tyler and Alaric dead, we can't afford to let each other go."

Just as her eyes mist with tears and a breaking sorrow takes over every nerve of my body, like an illness, I close my eyes and let my ears familiarize with the music. I isolate myself from all else – nothing but country music surrounds me and, in an attempt to soothe Caroline's pain too, start singing along.

"_When you came in, the air went out…"_

My first love and love of my life are vampires. As of lately, I am too. How can I _not_ be a fan of _TrueBlood_? Caroline shakes her head, cleans her face with the palms of her hands and plays along. _"And every shadow, filled up with doubt…"_

I get up and drag her to the completely empty, sorry excuse of something reminding of a dance floor. Well, what I like to call dragging are, actually, two teenage-looking girls, seductively dancing with each other, in the middle of the night, in each pair of drunken eyes staring at us. I know, sooner or later, someone will be braver – or stupider – and make a move on us. I can't wait for that to happen.

"_I wanna do bad things to you – I wanna do real bad things to you." _

Caroline's already let go. Eyes closed, body completely transfixed by music – I imitate her and dance without a single worry of who's watching. I'm all alone and I'm invincible. There's no one in here that can sneak up on me; no harm of being kidnapped or getting used as the sacrificial lamb for some ancient ritual. I'm with Caroline, I'm dancing outside of the Boarding House, I can choose to feed from whoever I want to and I'm punishing Damon for something he doesn't deserve being punished for. It's all good.

We keep dancing, when _I Love rock'n'roll_ replaces _Bad Things _and with _Great Balls of Fire _next. Each song makes our movements more carefree and expressing and I've completely lost track of time and place. I could be in a huge bar or my own room – all it matters in the sound and the smell of alcohol and the feel of my best friend.

A man makes his way to us, aiming for Caroline from behind her. She doesn't let me respond. She swiftly moves around and whispers innocent nothing-s, that make him leave the bar without looking back. It would have been weird, if the bar wasn't now emptier and occupied by stoned groups of men.

The smell of blood suddenly overwhelms me and pushes everything out of my mind.

"I want to feed." I whisper to Caroline, out of courtesy.

She halts in place and her relaxed form becomes rigid. With careful eyes, she turns to me.

"Let's discuss this." She rushes out and takes my hand in hers.

I follow her on our spot at the bar, while winking to some of the man whistling as we stride by. Bonding with my food, I'd like to call it.

"This is a whole lot of discussing for one night, don't you think?" I raise an eyebrow at her.

"Well, _yeah_, Elena. I don't want you doing something that you'll regret later." I secretly love and respect her for saying these words and if it was any other night, I'd do what I normally do – abstain. Tonight, though, I'm just not thinking things through. "If I let you kill someone tonight, you'll beat yourself up about it for eternity; like I do."

"I'm not going to kill anyone, Caroline." I _need_ to believe that. "I've been training, remember?"

"And have you actually managed to pull away from a blood-dripping neck, without Damon's help?"

"I have…once."

I remember the night I first slept with Damon and, go ahead, add lust to the growing pile of emotions inside my body. My hunger represents everything I'm feeling and I've got to drink, _now._

"Fine, manage it another gazillion of times and you'll be good to go."

I roll my eyes, patience coming to an end. "If you don't trust I can stop, come with me and drag me away when I've drunk enough." She doesn't look convinced. "What now? What's wrong with this plan?"

"I don't know if I can even trust _myself,_ to do it."

I can see what could go wrong between two, newly-turned, hungry vampires and an exposed human neck. I just don't care. Caroline continues pleading, but I shut her off and let my eyes wander around. The bar is now almost deserted, but there's still a group of men left behind, probably waiting to follow and have their way with us. I let my nostrils pick up the scent of blood with the lowest alcohol percentage. Fortunately, it's the blood of the youngest man in the group. And, what do you know; he has blue eyes and is even smirking at me. Well, nothing like the obnoxiously beautiful smirk Damon sports – nobody has _that_. This guy is smirking foolishly but he's at his late twenties and the idea of drinking his blood doesn't disgust me. I make my pick – I want him.

And I want to drink that smirk out of his face, because Damon wears it much, much better.

"Are you even listening to me? You're spacing out."

Great, now I just need to get past Caroline. "I'm listening. You don't want to risk the death of somebody. And, I'm telling you, I've got this."

She sighs. "Come on now. Let's be good girls and drink from blood bags for a few more years. We have eternity to play dirty." she wiggles her eyebrows. "I can probably handle you, but there's too much danger and I want to spare myself from magnified, stupid guilt."

I pick a whooshing sound from outside. Both of us do and tense up, listening. Someone's using extreme speed – vampire speed. The sound magnifies and comes closer with each moment. I close my eyes – in three seconds, whoever the vampire, will be here. Accurately enough, I register the scratch of boots against gravel and dirt, as the stranger comes to a stop, outside of the bar. Caroline, being more prepared and familiarized with these kinds of situations, puts all senses in use.

"That's Stefan's scent."

This is the time for a mental eye roll. Stefan will definitely not let me satisfy my hunger. But, as Caroline – not thinking it through – moves to the door in human speed to let him know we're here, I find my open spot. I just need to move fast and not care about the consequences.

Caroline hasn't even left the bar, but I'm already standing in front of the young, blue-eyed man. They all grin stupidly, oblivious to my speed, and I compel him in a heartbeat.

"Follow me to the ladies room."

I don't have time to compel the rest of them, but they fortunately shut up on their own accord. I move inside the bathroom and when my obedient blood source follows me inside, I hear Caroline still chatting with Stefan, outside. I either moved real quickly, or they trust my self control way too much.

"Hi." He's already groaning and smirking like he won the lottery.

"Yeah, yeah, hi." I whisper and capture his eyes with mine. "Shut up. Don't scream, don't fight, just enjoy this."

The ultimate fault is that I don't stop to think about this _once_. I don't take a deep breath or prepare myself for the forgotten taste of fresh blood. I don't have Damon telling me to try and stop. In a nanosecond, I have my fangs sank deep into his throat. The piercing of flesh and vein satisfies my gums and drives me crazy with desire. Any moment now, I'll go blind with complete bliss. His lack of resistance allows me to rest my palms on the wall behind his head. I don't want any contact with his body, other than my fangs on his neck, but he's moaning loudly beneath me. I draw blood carelessly. Long, hungry pulls that have him slipping away in no time. It's time to stop, I know it, but for the love of me, his blood is the only thing that makes sense right now.

I try; I really do. I try to picture the people I love in his place – Jeremy, Bonnie, Jenna – but he's still moaning and none of them sound like this. He's losing ground. He goes stiff and stops whimpering. But he still has blood left to draw and I still have hunger to suppress. I put up a herculean effort to my muscles; the guilt is already creeping inside of me like a virus. I sob against his neck and maybe, just maybe, I'll find enough strength but I need just _ .taste_.

Strong hands yank me away without hesitation. I didn't even hear the door open. Caroline keeps me in place forcefully – not like she needs to. I'm frozen into her iron grasp. I stare at Stefan, hovering above the still body. I don' dare check his pulse and heartbeat – there's buzzing in my ears that won't stop – so, instead, I wait for Stefan's verdict. It takes him a second.

"He's dead."

I'm officially a monster.

"Give him some blood."

"It won't do any good, Elena."

I whimper but free myself from Caroline, who's awfully quiet. I take two steps and lower myself to Stefan's level. "_Damn it_, Stefan." I forcefully bite down on my wrist, aiming for a punishment of some sort, and shove the blood to the lifeless mouth beneath me. "Drink; _please, drink_."

He's not drinking, of course. He can't drink. He can't do anything. The worst thing is – his blue eyes are staring right into mine. My lips quiver and a sob escapes my throat, then another one and after that, a full stream of tears and shaking. I failed. I failed myself, Jeremy, Damon, Jenna, who was killed by a vampire, Bonnie and Alaric. I failed and disappointed Caroline and Stefan. Above all, I'm a hypocrite – I've judged and blamed and here I am, staring down at a man _I_ killed.

"I thought I could handle it…" I whisper and sob and both of their arms encircle me, from all angles.

If it could only make things better.

"It's over." Caroline hand smoothes my hair. "It's done."

"I killed him."

I killed a man. The weight of it presses my chest like a heavy metal box. Stefan captures my face in his hands and forces me to look into his eyes. The familiar green and loving gaze holds no judgment. I cling to his wrists and see my reflection in his irises. Pained face, stained with blood and tears and it's nothing but a friction of what I'm feeling.

"I killed him, Stefan."

He nods. Without leaving my face, he sets both of us near the sink. Caroline gets rid of the blood in my face, but she can't get rid of the tears.

"Listen." I lock eyes with Stefan through the cracked mirror. "You need to pull yourself together. Please, Elena. We'll deal with this and get you home."

I don't know if it's his decided voice or forceful eyes that do the trick, but I find whatever strength I have left and hold my tears back. "There were other men…outside."

"We already sent them away. They won't remember anything."

We're clad in uncomfortable silence until Caroline decides to break it. "Should I get rid of the body or can you…"

"I can do it." Stefan assures. "You go wait inside the car."

"We don't have a car." I remind quietly. The discussion of getting rid of a body makes me want to vomit.

They exchange an awkward glance. "He does – did."

What's the point of getting angry with Caroline's practical tone? She's only cleaning _my_ mess; nothing would have happened if I'd listened to her; if I'd just pulled away one second before. But I didn't and now, we'll use the dead man's car to get home. Aren't we savages.

I nod. Stefan throws the body over his shoulder, the way I've always seen him throw his messenger school bag, and opens the bathroom door. I hurry to get out of the emptied bar. Outside, the air is cool and fresh. I inhale deeply. The sun is rising in the distance; almost five in the morning. Stefan's in the back, looking for a hole or starting a fire. Caroline's already inside an old, red Chevy truck; I slowly approach her, losing myself in another round of hot tears. She opens the door and pulls me inside, embracing me lovingly.

"Deep down, I knew I'd kill him." I confess. "I just didn't care, nothing mattered in the moment."

My tears dampen her shirt, but she doesn't let go of me. We're one big, dysfunctional family.

"I know, sweetie. I know." She exhales loudly. "We'll go through this together."

"What should I do?" I look up desperately.

Her words come as an order – one I know I'll have to obey. "Accept it and move on."

Stefan appears on the driver's side and climbs on the car. He seems tense but his eyes soften at the sight of us. We must have worried the shit out of him and I can't begin to imagine what Damon must be going through. The guilt magnifies.

"I'm sorry, Stefan." I whisper. "We acted – _I_ acted – stupidly."

He shrugs; eyes on the road. "You followed me to Chicago, when I was decapitating people. I'd come for you anywhere; both of you." He gives us a sly grin. "What are friends for?"

I rebury my face in Caroline's arms and for a while, it's silent. We're nearing the Boarding House, when he speaks again. "Damon should be here soon, by the way."

My heart flutters in my chest, but the memory of my victim makes me want to scream in frustration; _too little, too late. _

* * *

_Damon's POV_

At around eleven in the morning, and, unfortunately, with Katherine still resting in the passenger's seat, I pull outside of the house. I try to rush to the door, but she holds me still. I throw her a death stare and she just rolls her eyes and motions to her ear and then the front door.

_I so don't have time for this. _

"_What?" _I mouth.

She stares as if I'm stupid. Maybe I am, because who else, in their right minds, would have left Elena in the company of incompetent losers?

"Listen." She mouths back.

I tap my foot restlessly and clench my hands into fists. Some preparation of what's waiting inside, is actually a good idea. Elena's in my room – I can smell her from over here. Jeremy's still sleeping – dead to the world, that kid. He better not know his sister killed though – the fact can be disturbing. Stefan and Caroline can be heard clearly. They're pacing on the other side of the closed front door.

"_What took you so long?" _

Stefan's apparently stressed and angry and Caroline's voice is as much on edge.

"_She won't stop crying, I couldn't leave her."_

"_It's good – that she's crying. Almost expectable; I'd be worried if she shut down completely."_

"_She'll get over it, just like we all did. It's just…you know how she is. She'd jump in front of a train for a stranger. It's not as easy for her to cope with the guilt."_

"_I know. I know her."_

"_I'm to be blamed for all of this."_

"_No, you're not. Damon is."_

I've listened enough. It's my cue to rush inside, but Katherine stops me. And, ok, maybe I'm curious for more.

"_Don't be ridiculous, Stefan." _Blondie defends me.

"_Ridiculous? Why am I being ridiculous? He kept blaming me for everything I did wrong while I was with Elena, but I'm not seeing him excel now that he has her. Are they even in a relationship? Or was it all some illusion he fed himself so he could steal the only person I ever loved?" _

"_Ok, now you're just being mean." _

I shrug Katherine off and move inside, my nerves dangerously tight. My stare immediately finds Stefan's. His wavers when Katherine follows, but for only one second.

"Why the hate, brother? And here I was, trying to think of a good way to express my gratefulness."

"For what?" His tone is ice cold.

"Finding and keeping Elena alive." I shrug.

"She _killed_ someone. There's nothing to be grateful for in this situation."

He really knows nothing.

"She'll get over it. We all get over it – big deal."

He snorts and paces up and down. "You'd say that. You're the reason she decided to throw a tantrum."

Snapping his neck seems like a good idea. Just so his prejudicial little voice shuts the hell up. "I'm one of the reasons. _One_ of them – she's been dealing with her unwilling vampirism like a saint, brother. She's been the poster kid for perfect control. It was a matter of time everything took its toll." I move for the stairs, aching to be near her. "My mistake was that I didn't…_realize_. I should have taken her with me or something. Am I right Blondie?"

Smartly, she nods. "She wanted to let go and feel free. We can't keep her locked in here anymore."

Stefan nods, and moves his eyes on a bored Katherine. "What are _you_ doing here?"

"I heard you were available again." Her sugar coated smile makes my insides turn in disgust and, apparently, Caroline's too. She shakes her head and shoots Stefan a disbelieving look.

Stefan's raises an eyebrow in irony. "Just don't backstab any of us while you're around."

I move up the stairs, taking off my jacket on the way. My palms sweat in anticipation. I can't wait to ease the hole in my heart – and I don' mean it in some poetic, beautiful way. I just have a huge hole in my heart that hurts like a motherfucker, whenever she's physically away. It's been only extending.

I push my bedroom door open and find her immediately. She's like a vision – a fucking mirage. She lays on top of the covers, fetal position, in only her panties and one of my T-shirts. She has her hair pulled in a lose ponytail and her eyes are way too huge and scared and guilty. But she stares right at me and slowly extends her hands. She's crying again. When did it come to this? When did it come to Elena needing _me _to function, as much as I need her? Will it last – her little form on my bed, with nothing but underwear and _my_ shirts?

_Please God, make it last forever. _

I remove my boots and jeans, eyes focused on her extended arms and sobbing sounds. I make my way to the bed and fix her beneath the covers. Her warm skin sends shivers down my spine – it's been too damn long. I slide beside her. The moment we're both covered, she crosses whatever distance with her body and clings to me like a post-it. Her face imprints in the crook of my neck, her arms hug me like we're vertical instead of horizontal, anchoring on my back and she rests her left leg across both of my thighs.

My patience snaps and I pull her on top of me, for the sake of hearing her sigh contently. She sounds and seems comfortable enough, so I start rubbing circles on her back. I know there's much more to be said and some yelling waiting to be released, but neither of us has it to start a fight now. I haven't slept properly in three weeks – I won't be able to sleep properly anymore, if she's not safely tucked in my arms.

"Get some sleep." I whisper. "I'm here."

She nods and, positioning her face flat on my chest, falls asleep in three seconds. I consider over-hearing what's going on downstairs and Stefan's latest accusations, but I can't bring myself to care. As long as she keeps extending her arms for me, they can all go to hell.

Soon enough, her scent helps me fall asleep too.

* * *

A/N: _Hi there. It's an update indeed. One that took ages (*blushes*). Sometimes real life takes over, what can I say? Plus, you should see the drafts for Elena's POV. I ached and got mad and bumped my head against the wall. I just couldn't see her killing someone but then I could, clearly, and it was all one huge mess. _

_Is the last part too cheesy? I know I was smiling like a retard while I was writing it. What can I say, they haven't dealt with Klaus yet, or with Katherine, but that doesn't mean they can't have some sexy, romantic time, right? Next chapter and I'll commit to it. Thanks for reading and reviewing and favoring and whatsoever guys! You make me one happy person. Yours, S. _

_P.S. should Stefan be with Katherine or Caroline? Maybe with neither? Leave some thoughts. Majority wins. _


	20. Chapter 20

_All Elena_

So, waking up after having killed someone is the vampire equivalent to waking up with a massive hang-over and the shitty consequences of alcohol-induced behavior, weighting on your shoulders.

We've all been there.

Waking up hung-over, that is. Sucking someone dry, while sober, is another ordeal – personal, traumatizing and literally heart-wrenching.

Twelve hours – the exact amount of hours I've spent sleeping. I can tell, by the moon's position outside Damon's balcony doors, that it's around eleven P.M. I'm still using his body as my personal mattress. My head weights a ton – the combined result of tears, nightmares and a dead man's blood metaphorically demanding its rightful owner. I glance at the door – I half expect Damon to have chained it, just in case someone would decide to stroll in and wake us up. Of course, at nearly midnight, the house is only semi-silent. Stefan, Caroline _and_ Katherine, are hanging in Stefan's room but Katherine's only snorting and flipping magazine pages over Stefan and Caroline's whispered discussion. And Jeremy – my dear, supportive Jeremy – is doing the unthinkable up in his bedroom. He's listening to music with the volume turned down to an impossible minimum.

They're all trying to allow the latest crazy vampire – namely, me – rest.

I slowly roll off Damon's chest, trying to be discreet.

I'm thinking vervain darts…or, maybe, I can put my newfound creativity in use and stake myself with the wood from Damon's fireplace. Why did I ever think I could do this? How could _I_ – the eternal martyr – imagine I'd be able to live with guilt? It's crippling me. It washes over me – wave after drowning wave and the only thing I can see, especially now that I'm out of Damon's embrace, is that man's face; those eyes, that were the wrong shade of blue and that I was selfishly – _childishly_ – punishing.

Expectedly enough, Damon's eyes snap open and his hand, grabbing my waist forcefully, tosses me back into bed, before I can even lower my feet on the ground.

"Don't go kamikaze on my ass."

Not that he has developed the ability to read my like an open book or anything.

"It's called suicide." The throaty whisper that leaves my mouth is barely recognizable. I cough, trying to level my vocal chords. "Kamikazes kill others, too, in the process of dying."

He laughs bitterly and tightens his hold on my waist, punishing me for mouthing words that, to Damon, are unthinkable. "You'd be killing me."

He keeps his arm draped over his eyes, but his lower lip quivers lightly and weren't my hands too heavy to command, I'd be reaching for his face. Ah, forget the vervain darts – this is punishment enough; I'm so full with guilt, that the thought of being filled by Damon now, despite wanting it (needing it), makes my stomach uneasy.

I decide to use the strategy I skillfully mastered these past three weeks in order to survive my emotions – I turn all the longing and sorrow to anger and frustration.

"So much for your promises."

I picture my cruel words materializing to proverbial slaps against his face and his jaw indeed clenches, but his hold never wavers. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah, so I am – so is the dead guy." I allow my anger to completely take over. I turn sideways and, resting my head on my palm, keep the verbal attacks going. He only curls his arm more securely around my body, his other forearm still covering his eyes. His seeming indifference fuels my fire. "Do you even know what you're apologizing for? I mean, please enlighten me; are you sorry that you've been gone for three weeks? Are you sorry because you promised I'd be in control and now a guy is dead? Are you sorry that I found out you were staying with Katherine?" I cock my head to the side and, _God_, I want him to _fucking_ look me in the eyes. "_Or_ are you sorry that you couldn't spend more time with her?"

Of course, the moment I make the last accusation, my head fills with images of Damon taking a wooden stake in the back to save me, Damon expressing his love over and over again, Damon choosing me over Katherine – Damon always choosing me. I'm a moron but I'm also a depressed vampire with someone who'll take everything I throw in his way, just so I can feel better.

"I'm sorry that you're in pain."

He smartly ignores my Katherine comments. I wish I could let it go as easily but, dealing with Damon's eventual anger is easier than dealing with my deserved guilt.

"How very heroic of you." I snort. My harsh tone earns me a look. He, once again, differentiates himself from Stefan by letting the hurt and frustration he's feeling slip into his gaze. He's not the altruistic vampire that'll take all the blame so I can feel better. He'll try to convince me that, somehow, what I did was justifiable and explainable and natural. Well, there's nothing natural about us; more anger clouds my thoughts. "Nothing you can say will make me feel better."

"That's because you don't want to feel better."

He's on his side too and yearning to touch me. I'm yearning to touch him too, but I can't move my hands so, instead, I'll yell at him. Anger is the only thing I can hold on to.

"_No_, it's because I ripped someone's throat open!" Why isn't anyone making a big deal out of this? I feel my head exploding from the intensity of my own voice.

"Just like many, _many_ others before you. Elena, baby –

"Don't _baby_ me." I bark and he grimaces.

"Ok, fine; Elena, adult vampire, I understand that you've carried your compassion and martyrdom syndrome along for this undead ride, but some things you just can't fight – your instincts being one of those."

"You said you'd teach me." I whine.

"And I will. _I will_. It was one slip, Elena." He grabs my chin and forces my angry eyes on his. "It was stupid of me to leave you locked inside this place with only Blondie and Broody for company."

"_Blondie_ and _Broody_ saved my ass." I spat and _that_ really torches him. Eyes still locked with mine, he blinks twice and drops his hand. He moves on a sitting position – his elbows resting on his bent knees and his head falling somewhere in between. Still in his black Tee, I can smell his Camaro sits' leather on his back and the steering wheel on his hands. I can smell every particle of air that got stuck in his hair, while on his way back to me. And I _do_ remember extending my arms and needing him so I could fall asleep. With herculean effort, I sit up too and link my arms around his waist. I rest my face on his shoulders and inhale deeply.

He takes my hands in his and brings them to his lips. "There is _nothing_ you can do, that'll make you a monster."

"You're just saying that because you love me." I whimper in his back. My tears start falling in waterfall mode again.

"No, I'm saying it because you prefer grief and guilt better than indifference and cruelty. You didn't shut any of your emotions off and the guilt will keep you on track from now on. You'll be fine." He squeezes my fingers. "You're always going to be more human than vampire."

I lay back down, dragging him with me. He rests his head on my stomach and I find enough strength to pet him. Memories of my mother doing the same to my dad, on the couch, while watching TV, drag me down. "My parents would be so disappointed of me."

I feel him tugging my – his – shirt upwards and placing one soft kiss on my skin. What would seem insensitive to others, given the situation, does wonders to my aching heart. He rests his chin there and I imagine him sucking some of my sorrow inside his body, because, honestly, I feel like I can move again.

"I didn't know them and I'm not exactly parent material myself, but I do know _you_. And I know you wouldn't have transitioned wasn't it for Jeremy. Give yourself some credit."

I want to snort and huff sarcastic comments, but his murmurs and gentle words get the best of me. I burry my fingers in his hair and cherish the feeling of peace that duels my guilt. "I was really jealous," I whisper, when he's level with my neck and kissing it softly, "I've always been jealous, when it came to you."

…Even when I wasn't supposed to.

He hovers above me and smiles apologetically. "Elijah contacted her. She kinda, unfortunately, gave us some crucial Klaus info."

"Am I supposed to be thankful?"

He rolls his eyes and wipes the remaining tears off my face. "No. You're just not supposed to be jealous – though, it's hot." He notices the serious face I'm still wearing and the playful smile disappears. "Too soon to joke?"

I link my hands around his neck and close my eyes. I like the texture of his hair and the warmth of his body against mine; they're excellent pain-killers. "I don't know how to let what I did go." I whisper, while he leans to kiss my mouth.

"Look at it this way;" he's only half joking, so I concentrate on what he's saying rather than what he's doing with his hands, "think of all the people _I_ would have killed if you hadn't insisted on resurfacing my humanity. Hell, I'd still be killing. You've saved all of them so…here; you've balanced your numbers."

I feel my heart swelling with love for him. He can sleep in the same bed with Katherine now as far as I'm concerned, and I'd still be convinced his feelings for me run deeper than he'll ever let on. I love that he has mastered a perfect balance between gentle and cruel – it's exactly _Damon_. And I take pride in being a part of that development. I also find myself willing to consider his proposition, as long as he knows just how much he's changed me too.

"It'd be good if it worked like that, wouldn't it? But, fine, I'll give it a thought."

"Just so you know, once we restore Klaus' spirit in his actual body and send him away to Honolulu, I'm taking you away."

I shake my head at how easily he changes subjects, but, then again, he has done some serious killing through the centuries and he still has the 'deranged vampire' laying somewhere beneath the surface. One death is genuinely nothing to him. "What about Stefan?"

He growls angrily. "We've reached our limit of seeing each other in the past two years. In order for our…_brotherhood_ to survive we'll need to spend the next century in different hemispheres. He better join a monastery in Tibet."

I shiver as he nuzzles my neck. "And Jeremy?"

I can imagine him rolling his eyes. "I need to find that boy a decent, human girlfriend. We'll figure it out."

"What about Caroline and Bonnie?"

I laugh at his incredulous look and pouty lips. The sound, coming out of my lips, still feels traitorous because of _everything_ but I can't help it. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you're deliberately ignoring something." He looks wild as he presses his hips to me, letting me in with the lengths of what I'm _ignoring_, but I keep up the innocent face and bat my eyes. "_Fine_; what about Blondie and Judgey?"

"I don't want to travel the world without them."

I'm lying and he knows it – I'm more than excited with the idea of going anywhere with Damon. I used to enjoy our roadtrips even when I wasn't sure he could be trusted. The joy of the promised future travelling shines through my face but he plays along with my rambling.

"They can come, but I'll gag Caroline so I don't have to hear her nonsense and blindfold Sabrina so I don't remove those judgey eyes out of their sockets."

"You're gruesome."

"Yes, I am."

With one heated kiss, he effectively finalizes the conversation. I lose myself in the kiss; I've longed for his lips for so long. I've been longing for them for two years and it'll take us a while to extinguish that lust. I bury my fingers in his hair and melt his face with mine. When I part my lips, allowing his tongue entrance, I do much more than that – I crack myself open. I trust him with my guilt and sadness and animalistic instincts and he doesn't judge. He never judges; he strokes with his tongue, cleaning my wounds and strokes with his hands, soothing the pain away. He inhales in my mouth, sucking my lower lip and I feel lighter, holier. I'm balanced; hanging in a safe place between heaven and hell, human and vampire and it's his love that keeps me floating.

I get rid of both our clothes and allow him to explore whichever part of me he wants. I'm dimly aware of what I'm doing and seeing, but that's as far as it goes. My senses pick everything up, but my neurons must have some glitch that stops impulses from turning into coherent thoughts into my clouded mind. I receive sounds but their sources remain unknown. Moaning – someone is moaning. It could be me, it could be Damon. I'm not sure. I see pale skin against tanned one; such a pretty sight. I smell cologne and cold, night air and flesh and I wish I could bottle the scent and swim in it. I taste blood; judging by the taste, it must be mine. These are the facts and it is facts they remain because everything else is feeling. Deep, moving, emotions that can only be compared to drugs; I don't know what drugs feel like but this has to be _it_.

The only proof that my body is shivering and thrashing and shaking is the feeling of the cool sheets against my sweat covered body. Damon physically holds me still, but he, fortunately, does nothing to halt my emotional upraise. There, from between my legs, he uses everything he has to take my higher than high and I, hazed and incoherent as I am, can only sigh his name in adoration and pray the feeling never ends; or, that he finally ends it with flashing fireworks. Again, I can't be sure.

There's one thing I know; one feeling strong enough to be translated into thought. Love, obviously. Just in time, after I've lost count of the number of climaxes I've reached and the time that has passed without seeing his face, he climbs up and, pressing against me, lets me catch my breath. The halves of my eyes are hooded and misty, but he's still very beautiful and his smile asks to be captured on camera.

"I thought you passed out on me." He murmurs, kissing my face.

"Almost." I manage to breath.

"Not just yet."

I don't need any prompting. I spread my legs for him and welcome the out worldly feeling. He looks at me, a small smile gracing his lips, and I order my eyes open. I grip at his shoulders and arch against him when he withdraws and strongly slams back inside. He grabs my thighs and places my legs high around him; I cross my feet and dig the heels to his skin, assisting his movements. He powerfully thrusts deep and right, with an unmistakable pace and rhythm. I kiss him hungrily, using his mouth so I don't scream and wake Jeremy up. Every other vampire in the house is surely aware from where the moaning and panting and bed thrashing is coming from. Not that I care; I wouldn't care even if someone lit a match and burned me alive. All I can perceive are Damon's words of love; his hands, his mouth, the depths he's reaching and the highs he's flying me to, his hair warming my jaw as he breaks eye contact and pierces my skin with his fangs, one of his hands resting on the bedpost and allowing him speed and strength and the other offering me blood…I lace his fingers with mine and reach for his shoulder.

He hits one magic spot over and over again. All it takes are three mouthfuls of his sweet, intoxicating blood and four right strokes to make me scream and give me the most powerful orgasm yet to be experienced. He moans my name as he follows me to oblivion and when, after a couple of minutes, the aftershocks are finally over, we rest in a tangled mess of limbs and body parts.

I keep him on top of me. His weight isn't really a problem – especially not when it comes with the privilege of having him inside me and breathing him in. His face is hidden in the pillow, his body moving evenly on top of me. He might be sleeping but I can't. Not with being extremely happy and sad at the same time.

I close my eyes and let go. I promise there won't be another slip and I forgive myself, just like I forgave Caroline and Stefan and Damon and Rick and just like they've forgiven me. Not for lack of guilt as much as knowing that if I don't, I'll go crazy.

"I love you." I whisper to Damon's sleeping form, unable to keep it inside any longer.

"I love you too." He immediately replies and, with a soft sigh, really falls asleep.

* * *

I wake up in the morning, well-slept and well-loved, in an empty bed. I focus to where the sounds are coming from and, after quickly putting random clothes on, rush to the kitchen. They're talking and co-existing like nothing out of the ordinary has happened. At the end of the day, life indeed goes on.

Jeremy's on the counter, drinking coffee and watching Katherine's and Caroline's banter with an amused smile. Stefan and Damon, equally bored and impatient, have never looked as similar and brotherly as they do now.

"You know," Caroline exclaims, "_you_ don't get to talk. You _killed_ me!"

"Your point is?" Katherine raises one lazy eyebrow and nonchalantly rests against Stefan's side. Taking my place between Jeremy and Damon, I see Stefan stiffen and remove her. She pouts.

"My point is you're a bitch." Caroline slams and, even though confused over what they're fighting, I smirk at her tone.

"Well said Blondie. Well said."

Damon offers me a bag of O negative in the process of devilishly offending Katherine and kisses the top of my head. I purr a little and longingly suck the blood out of the bag. It's been more than twenty four hours and I smile sheepishly at Jeremy, who awkwardly moves at the other side of the table with a small 'don't-worry-about-me' nod, unable to withhold my eagerness and thirst.

"_Wait_, I think I know how this record plays;" Katherine scoffs, "you all insult me and bitch about how much you hate me up until the moment all of your plans are proven pointless and you _beg _me to save your sorry asses. Did I miss something?"

"You missed the part where you still manage to somehow screw everyone over." Damon shoots back.

She gives him a sugar sweet smile that makes my gums ache. "Survival is a tricky thing Damon dearest. I wouldn't have made it to this century if I didn't know how to gain from every situation."

"And what's in it for you this time?" Caroline wonders hatefully.

She doesn't answer. Instead, she lets her eyes roam over Stefan's currently inattentive eyes, making it very clear what she's here for. Caroline and Damon snort at the same time, but Katherine looks very sure of herself. Jeremy and I exchange wary eyes – after all, we know firsthand the lengths she's willing to go to take what she wants. I throw the blood bag in the bin and decide to make my presence known.

"What's going on? What are we fighting about?"

Of course, _she_ takes advantage of my still hoarse and small voice. "Nothing to worry your little head with, Sleeping Beauty."

I'm well aware that the two months ago, human version of me would have frowned and sought out help in Stefan's or Damon's eyes. There's always been something that scared me shitless about Katherine; honestly, far more than Klaus ever did and it's never been about our similarity or the fact that Katherine could wander around, posing as me, hurting the people I loved. I thought of her as competition. The Salvatore's first, true love; their creator, the first Petrova doppelganger and the reason that, one way or another, despite claiming otherwise, both men I truly ever loved and will love were drawn to me like a moth to a flame. Most importantly, Katherine has always represented all the sins I was never brave enough, but thought about nevertheless, to commit.

Not anymore though. I won't let my second, undead life, be ruled by fear and intimidation.

"How about you spill and let me decide what I want to worry about."

Damon intervenes and it suddenly hits me that his trip to New York was more than vacation. They were searching for Klaus – Tyler – and I was so upset and then, well, horny, yesterday, that it totally slipped my mind.

"Klaus has a plan." He states unceremoniously. "He needs his body, which apparently _can_ be restored, the dagger evil Rick used to stake him and bitchy witches to complete his dirty business."

Caroline interrupts him, clearly pissed off. "_Elijah_ will hand over the body and _Damon_ will hand over the dagger and the Originals will be one big, happy family again," she snorts.

I cautiously look around, sensing and justifying Caroline's anger. "Damon? Why are we participating in this?"

"_Because_, he will make it happen one way or another. I know he's stronger in his body, and much more annoying, but Elijah has some serious original plan. He said that as long as he has the dagger he can blackmail Klaus into pretty much anything." He catches my eye. "I truly believe he intends to keep his brother out of our life this time. You know I wouldn't risk it."

Our life, not our lives; I feel warmth all over me and nod. I know he wouldn't risk it. "Well, I can't see a problem."

"Oh, right, you don't know the best part yet!" Caroline exclaims in fake enthusiasm before turning and flashing her fangs to Katherine. "The body switching involves dark magic and Klaus is currently coming to Mystic Falls with his witch to perform said process. His witch is our very own Bonnie."

The laugh that escapes me is dry and hallow; scary, maybe. Stefan's eyes snap to my face and he looks nervous and on edge. I don't get why though. They must be joking. "_His witch?" _I scrutinize Caroline's grave expression. "Bonnie learned her lesson Caroline. She'd never voluntarily help Klaus again – _ever_. She's staying with her mother because of her problems with dark magic; she won't allow _anyone_ jeopardize that."

I'm restlessly, mindlessly blubbering and they're all staring at me. Caroline shares the same expression. I don't think we've ever been more united than now. I look at every pair of eyes and halt at those annoyingly identical with mine. "He better find another witch."

Katherine shrugs. "Hey don't look at me. I couldn't care less."

"She's not doing it voluntarily Elena." Caroline mutters. "He threatened her mother – I mean, he's still a hybrid. And he's still Klaus; he's freaking intimidating and scary. I don't see how Bonnie had a choice."

So we're back to dealing with situations that can lead to epic destruction. "What do we do?" I ask no one in particular. "We can't let Bonnie sink deeper than she already has."

Caroline nods faithfully. In her worst days, she won't let anyone suffer more than affordable – that's the kind of person she's become. In this very moment, I love her more than ever.

"Klaus will be here sooner than later but, for once, we have the upper hand." Stefan concludes. "We still have the dagger and we know what he's up to."

"Plus the advantage of not being in his stake-proof, Original body," Damon adds.

"We still can't kill him Sherlock," Katherine rolls her eyes, "that'd be suicide."

Damon looks like he's about to pin her to the wall. "Thanks Captain Obvious. What I mean is we're dealing with the reflexes of Tyler Lockwood's body. I can have him slammed against a wall in a heartbeat. That's an advantage, _hel-lo_."

"Don't talk about Tyler like that, have some respect!" Caroline cries.

"_People!_" Jeremy's voice shuts us all up. "Can we regroup here?"

"Right…Bonnie." I hesitantly turn to Stefan again. He looks the most focused and on track.

"Like I was saying," Stefan smiles a little, "Klaus has a weird sense of humor. He could find any witch, yet he picked Bonnie. He's obviously looking for vengeance; he'll always want to get even and Bonnie's our current weak link."

"I don't give a shit about her." Katherine scoffs.

"Well I do." Stefan's eyes are blazing as he turns to look at her and she immediately shuts up, transfixed. I smile – it seems like he's taking a page out of Damon's book. "So you'll either help us or get the hell out."

She masks her shock with a lewd smile. "I like it when you play rough."

Stefan rolls his eyes, but we can all see the faintest hint of a smile curving his lips. I don't know if I want to bang my head on the counter or go with the flow so, instead, I exchange looks with Damon and shrug.

"He'd be a fool not to have a back up witch – and we all know Klaus' not a fool. I think, with the right bargaining and Elijah's cooperation, we can get Bonnie out of this."

"Thank you Stefan." Caroline smiles sheepishly and hugs him lightly. She's been sad despite doing her best to hide from us all and having Bonnie sacrifice a piece of her yet again would be the death of both of us. "So when's the guest of honor arriving?"

Her voice is almost breaking. I mentally promise to do everything in my power not to let her face Klaus in Tyler's body. She's buried him in her mind and she's doing the best to bury him with her hear too. I'd be a blow to have him walking around in his body shamelessly, probably giving Tyler his ridiculous British accent.

"Elijah will contact us. We're a stop he'll just have to make along the way." Damon smirks. "I'll be damned if I don't make him beg for that dagger."

"Where do you have it? Katherine casually asks – too casually.

Damon replies with a tsking sound and the wavering of his finger. "Hidden somewhere your nosey little self will never, _ever_, find it." He stays pensive for a while, then ads, "I think the best part of it all is we don't have to worry about Elena ending up dead anymore. Your vampirism has been such an upside to everything so far, baby."

I frown, but everyone, except for my doppelganger, is smirking in amusement. Good thing my curse has turned into a private joke. "_Hey!_ You so enjoyed having to protect me all the time."

"Of course I did," he admits, lowering his head and kissing me in front of them all; our first public kiss. I smile against his mouth and feel like nothing in the world could go wrong.

* * *

After that, Stefan silently leaves and, soon enough, Katherine gracefully follows him. I hug Caroline for a while, letting our eyes do all the talking. We vow we won't let anything happen to Bonnie. We're not innocent, little high-school girls anymore. Well, we are _that_ but we're also so much more – ready to fight for Bonnie the way she's frequently fought for us.

Caroline marches upstairs to talk to her mother and I'm left with Damon and Jeremy.

"Want to go out for a while?" Damon suggests.

My heart flip flops in my chest and I feel like a kid about to be taken at the zoo. "Out, _out?_"

He sees my eyes sparkling with excitement and laughs. "Yeah, out _out_. Come on, I trust you'll be good."

I know I will. That dead man's face has been engraved in my memory forever. I doubt I'll be able to kill anyone else without killing myself too. So, drinking people dry is a no-no. "I'll be good." I assure with a smile. "Can Jeremy come?" he nods. "Jer, do you want to?"

"Sure, I'll go change and be right down."

"Thank you." I smile up to Damon and kiss his cheek. He's clearly making an effort but he just shrugs, like it's no biggie.

"Let's wait outside."

I follow him and smile as the cool, morning air makes my hair fly around. I glance at Damon, who's playing with the buttons of my shirt like a little child, and dare ask the question that's been nagging my mind.

"I've been thinking…"

"Things would be so much easier if you pressed pause for a while," he mutters playfully.

"…and I've reached a conclusion. If Klaus' body can be restored, maybe the soul…person, _whatever_, trapped inside isn't really dead." I pause, trying to study his poker face. "What if Tyler's not really dead?"

He gives me an alarmed look. "You _cannot_ tell Barbie this. You cannot, under any circumstances, give her hope. She'll be a sobbing mess if it's nothing but a theory and I really do _not_ want to have to deal with that."

His eyebrows rise with a hundred different expressions and I know that under all the false pretenses, he simply cares that giving Caroline hope, and crashing it in case of a fake alarm, will be bad for her.

"I know that! Of course I won't tell her. But do you think it's possible?" I urgently ask, listening to Jeremy descent the stairs.

"After everything I've seen, I don't think something _not possible_ exists."

"And do you think Bonnie could be of any help?"

He looks helplessly desperate to give me the answer I crave but decided not to lie. So he just kisses my forehead and looks at the front door, "Jeremy's coming."

"No," I argue, half mad. "Promise me that you'll try to convince Bonnie."

"She's _your_ friend!" he urgently hisses.

"Yeah, but _you_ got her to spill about the body switching." I tug at his shirt. "Please, promise me."

"What if it gets in the way of protecting her from dark magic?" he challenges.

"Try. All I want is for you to try." Jeremy opens the door and heads our way, goofy grin on his face. "We owe it to Caroline." I whisper.

"Fine, I promise I'll try." His raises his voice then and transforms it to its usual, cocky tone. "Come on kid; let's go fetch you a hot girlfriend."

Jeremy shakes his head in disbelief and mock horror but when he enters Damon's car and shoves his head between us, from the backseat, he seems and sounds amused. "You know Damon, under all the snarling and swearing and growling, I think you're pretty soft – _and_ whipped."

Damon looks incredulous. His saucer huge eyes turn to me, scandalized and he seems to get even more offended when I laugh at his expression and shrug. He slits his eyes and, completely ignoring the road and removing his hands from the steering wheel, turns to Jeremy.

"I think you miss having your neck snapped."

"Noted." Jeremy leans back and Damon, still tense, focuses on the road. Nevertheless, he plays with my hand and turns the music on and all I can think about is how good it feels to have him back.

* * *

A/N: _Yes, I do deserve hate reviews or no reviews at all for the dely. No, I have not abandoned the story and I will finish it no matter what. I actually, finally (!), have everything planned out so it's all good. No excuses here; just bear in mind that I'm getting ready for college abroad and the paperwork has been a pain in the ass. Excuse my French. I really hope you haven't given up on me. Real life just gets in the way sometimes. Anyhow, I hope you still like it. I promise to update faster next time. I hope you're having a nice summer. Thank you for reading! Yours, S. _


End file.
